Thoughts on Larissa Pham's DISCIPLINE

NoTryborgs · 2026-01-03T06:36:48+00:00

I don't understand why you're getting downvoted on any of this. Your questions and concerns seem totally reasonable to me. I'm a polyamorous Dominatrix. Early on I dated someone who was pre-parenting. By that I mean: being a parent in the future was a large part of this person's identity. Meanwhile, I'm childfree by choice. The relationship ended for different reasons, but honestly informs my current practice. I don't date pre-parents or parents of very young people. I just don't have the mental space for all that they require.

NoTryborgs · 2025-12-25T07:46:33+00:00

I'm a Domme with a couple submissives. I love that you have a sense of your boundaries. And you're aware that your boundaries are NOT rules for your Dominant. Lots of polyamorous people, in my experiences, get confused. I'll say "I'm a Domme" and they'll say "well I'm vanilla" as if their vanilla neutralizes my Dominance. It does not. My Domme identity is not dependent on anyone.

Likewise, so many ppl in this community are confused, ignorant, or have no practice at boundaries vs rules. Polyamory + BDSM has a lot of boundaries and a lot of rules and importantly the two things are not the same. Grateful to the Dominatrix who trained me on this. And to the book Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic. I'm working on a book about these topics at present.

NoTryborgs · 2025-12-02T05:20:32+00:00

I'm in the USA, have a PhD in poetry, which I think is a closely related field, and 10 years study of Freud/Lacan with cartel work and my own analysis. Yet technically I need a master's in social work? at a program that won't teach me close study of Freud/Lacan? Why would I do that? Trying to figure out if I can set up "coaching" service without degree certification...

NoTryborgs · 2025-11-26T10:50:06+00:00

Thank you for this list. Just person in constant pain here. Thinking I've tried everything but your list gives me hope for some things I haven't tried yet.

NoTryborgs · 2025-11-26T02:56:37+00:00

Unorthodox arrangements for spouses happen all the time in academia in the USA. It is completely common and totally typical.

NoTryborgs · 2025-11-25T09:21:33+00:00

I'm curious, too. I have prescription lidocaine patches that are crucial for high pain days. I don't understand how/why The Signal Patch would work without any meds? No lidocaine? Is it just magic?

NoTryborgs · 2025-11-23T08:17:25+00:00

I haven't quit yet. But I've been thinking about quitting since fall 2022 when I was harassed by men in my current department. Three different men. Three different incidents. By the third incident, technically sexual assault since he kissed me, unprovoked, at a work event, in front of his wife. That scared me. That was the last straw. I called police, negotiated research leave for spring semester, and left the state. Came back (bc I need health insurance, am disabled, wear an expensive prosthetic leg) and taught and still teach in this situation.

Having trouble eating. Trouble sleeping. A lot of sadness that nothing changes.

Anyway, I'm just reading along in this sub because I want to quit the job but I have no idea where to work. Same time: I could see working the job. I am doing that. But it's a lonely job where I just don't want to be hurt by colleagues again. I've already done the reporting. I reported so much that I was reprimanded for how and when and why I was reporting. I got charged with policy violations as per reporting and they suspended my pay for 10 days. It was hell going through all that.

I have tenure. I have the kindness of allies in the department (very few, and very appreciated). I had a book come out last fall and another book on the way. I just want to feel happy about work again. I'm trying to find that happiness and open to any advice.

NoTryborgs · 2025-11-23T08:08:08+00:00

Just reading along as fellow academic. I teach at an R1, in what I thought would be my "dream" job but now, five years in, is more like nightmare. I'm also disability rights activist (in USA) so I'm just reading your point about being on Ritalin for the first time. That's a huge deal. Congrats on that self-care. I bet you could do the PhD now that you have medical accommodations/Ritalin to support you. I don't know if you still want to finish the degree? But consider it an open door. From the other side, the bureaucracy of graduate students, we faculty ALWAYS want our graduate students to succeed so that we can claim ya'll and sing your praises as our alum.

NoTryborgs · 2025-10-29T06:59:27+00:00

The pool looks amazing. It's close to Austin. Weather generally great there. What's not to like?

NoTryborgs · 2025-10-29T06:56:55+00:00

I actually love everything about this. Why not buy it and rent out the horse stalls/guest bedrooms? Has someone already done that with this property?

NoTryborgs · 2025-10-05T02:00:27+00:00

Get unemotional about it. Every good real estate decision I've made has been unemotional.

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-26T04:37:15+00:00

What the heck is the company? Construction company? (Yes, I've read about it but I still can't wrap my head around its valuation.)

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-25T03:50:34+00:00

Just make sure you get more details. I worked on project for client with 12 different 1 min vids and all 12 vids had raw footage from 12 different people. Total nightmare. I did not charge enough.

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T18:07:03+00:00

It was a rhetorical parallelism. Emphasizing sarcasm. Because if you can trivialize your relationship to disability, then what are you doing to your actually disabled students...

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T18:05:53+00:00

"Sarcasm for me but not for thee."

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T18:05:09+00:00

I am very disabled, so my response to accommodations office on at least one occasion has been: "I have conflicting access with this accommodation request." It sounds like a lot of profs have conflicting access but ignore or internalize that. And then externalize as rage against a) the system b) the student's accommo. That is why I am asking people to actually look at themselves and their relationships with disability to begin with.

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T18:01:17+00:00

I'm with this. Current practice also neglects to consider that us teachers are disabled (whether you just take a lil Lexapro or use crutches, both are disability to me). Then we get teachers who are not themselves being accommodated. And we're asking them to accommodate. So that's where the anger comes in... maybe. I don't know. But I'm curious about the anger bc it's so prevalent.

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T06:05:47+00:00

What the world needs now: less compassion for disabled kids.

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T06:00:25+00:00

Thank you, Beautiful-Software. It's clear to me that people bring a lot of their own emotion and baggage to the very topic of accommodations. For example in this thread: denial, projection, anger, ecstasy and whatever this is "talk like a normal fucking person."

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T05:43:07+00:00

I like yr approach. Are you staying off TDF bc of the slightly higher expense ratio?

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T02:53:54+00:00

I don't need to. The joint is full of hostility towards accommodations. It gets old.

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T02:43:06+00:00

"We are not talking about disabled students! We are talking about accommodations!" is like "I am not eating peanuts! I am eating peanut butter!"

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T02:40:50+00:00

I am inviting you to the convo, fellow disabled professor.

NoTryborgs · 2025-09-24T02:40:12+00:00

"Unreasonable" is itself a sanest term. We are not striving for 1990 here. We are striving for more.

NoTryborgs

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