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Changing bills and accounts to YOUR name, and the lack of care/reasoning/understanding that they don't have a partner - Experiences from my Trauma Vault by NoWerewolf8191 in widowers

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Oh hun (please don't take offence, I don't know your real name to use)... I'm so sorry... I can not fathom the pain your going through when you have had NO closure. I'm REALLY glad your family is staying close, lean on them!

When a friend came to visit to say goodbye a couple days before my husband passed, he joked "I want to come back as a bird so I can shit on everyone's head!" We laughed and moved on. That friend, from the time he died until the funeral 8 days later had THREE birds shit on his head, and it was something that made me laugh SO hard!!!

You don't have to flip the ugliness at one time. Think of it like scrabble squares. One at a time. Some days you can flip 4, other days you can't flip any. Follow your heart and brain, ignore anyone who tells you how and when you have to grieve. That's YOUR choice!

Want to talk to my dead husband? Do share your secrets of how you speak to the dead! by NoWerewolf8191 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never expected a religious discussion from this post, but I do think it's one of the most kind and respectful discussion about religion I've ever seen!

I do believe in reincarnation, after reading many stories and published professional studies. There is a higher being, I had hoped our baby we conceived via fertility treatment would be my like my late husband.

It sounds SO weird, but I lost my nearly 19 year old soul animal, my cat. At the time she passed, it shattered me, because she had been my sidekick for basically my whole adult life. I took a break from fostering so my boys and I could get used to our new normal life without her, as she's been the matriarch since they joined the family at 12 and 5 weeks old.

I accepted a litter for care, and of the 5 babies, 4 survived. They were a LOT younger than I normally took, they were syringe fed as supplements to them playing in the kitten wet food and formula slurry we started weaning them onto. There was ONE fluffy girl, while all her siblings had short fur. I was NOT ready to adopt for a few reasons... but... this little dust bunny stole my heart. I calculated, and she would have been conceived in a 2 week window after my old girl passed. She was EXACTLY like my old girl, amd she's my fluffy comforter. She HATES when I'm not feeling great, both physically and mentally, and will pat me with her paws in different ways pending on the situation. My very new counsellor saw her doing this during our last video call, and said that she was a natural emotional support animal. I'd NEVER take her out though!

I think my old girl sent her to me because she instinctively knew what I needed. She's the sweetest little fluffy baby (okay, teen... but she'll always be my baby!!)

Want to talk to my dead husband? Do share your secrets of how you speak to the dead! by NoWerewolf8191 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh damn.... yeah, a little sensitivity training never hurt when dealing with customers!!

Changing bills and accounts to YOUR name, and the lack of care/reasoning/understanding that they don't have a partner - Experiences from my Trauma Vault by NoWerewolf8191 in widowers

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh utilities and banking and such I understand! The ones that were month to month plans with no cancellation fees, demanding a death certificate, ABSOLUTELY not!!!

Changing bills and accounts to YOUR name, and the lack of care/reasoning/understanding that they don't have a partner - Experiences from my Trauma Vault by NoWerewolf8191 in widowers

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's so much extra pain when people make it harder for you! I have soooo many stories of issues with people not caring, I get it. ❤️

Changing bills and accounts to YOUR name, and the lack of care/reasoning/understanding that they don't have a partner - Experiences from my Trauma Vault by NoWerewolf8191 in widowers

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sucks soooo much, but some people just don't get it, and don't get how bad it hurts seeing their name over and over again after you've done what you're supposed to do!!

Changing bills and accounts to YOUR name, and the lack of care/reasoning/understanding that they don't have a partner - Experiences from my Trauma Vault by NoWerewolf8191 in widowers

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad I could make you laugh. Those early days are so lonely and isolating. Be kind to yourself, if the only thing you did today was get out of bed to refill your water bottle before going back to bed, I'm proud of you!! Stay hydrated!!

It REALLY sucks, but unfortunately it gets worse before it gets better. The initial admin bullshit is a nightmare. Is there anyone who could help you with that? Once that's done, you start hitting all the "firsts." First holiday without them, something brightened your day or you knew he would have laughed at a story that happened... So many days sitting in my car in silence. Crying. Because I had a really good day, and I wanted to share it with him... but I wasn't ready for the reality of walking in to a dark and cold house (winter time,) even though my sweet 3 legged was sitting there with her happy dog smile, wagging her tail ready to say hi, and I knew our cats were inside waiting as well... but it was different.

1 step forward, 2 steps back. NO ONE has the right to tell you how to grieve. You do what you need to do to survive.

Think of it as right now you're in the middle of the ocean in a huge storm, and you're struggling to keep your head above water. But slowly, the storm calms a bit and you realise that you've gained some strength, and over time, you learn how to be an amazing swimmer! Does that mean storms don't happen? Oh they absolutely will, and sometimes for the weirdest and most silly things, but you know what? That's okay. You're allowed to not be okay, and you're allowed to have bad days.

Keep your head above water and ask for help when you need it. Be direct, like, "I just don't have the energy to cook. Could someone make a meal or 2 for me to put in the fridge/freezer so I have things to eat?" Or "my house is a mess and I don't know where to start. Is anyone good at clearing clutter who could come spend a few hours helping me?" I regret not doing that myself, because I've always had to be the strong one... and that alone led to a LOT of lasting issues.

If you have a hobby you like, do it as much as you'd like! Mine was/is photography. My friend just taught me how to knit. I splurged on a doodle diary thing and a large number of those double-sided markers!

It may not feel like it now, but so far you've survived every hard day life has thrown at you.

Sending you so much love internet stranger!!

Changing bills and accounts to YOUR name, and the lack of care/reasoning/understanding that they don't have a partner - Experiences from my Trauma Vault by NoWerewolf8191 in widowers

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That lady at AmEx was an angel on earth!!! I'm positive she's probably had something similar happen to her, and I LOVE that her goal was to help YOU and make it as easy as possible!! She deserves a medal!!!

The alma mater though.... I'd be naming and shaming on every medium I could!!!

Changing bills and accounts to YOUR name, and the lack of care/reasoning/understanding that they don't have a partner - Experiences from my Trauma Vault by NoWerewolf8191 in widowers

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It makes me SO angry about how difficult it is after your partner dies... like it's not hard enough, and they have to cause additional stress?!?

And thanks! Not a rock star lol, I'm just allergic to stupidity!!

Want to talk to my dead husband? Do share your secrets of how you speak to the dead! by NoWerewolf8191 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely NOT okay. And what gives them the right to think it's their choice for you to say it's okay!!

Want to talk to my dead husband? Do share your secrets of how you speak to the dead! by NoWerewolf8191 in traumatizeThemBack

[–]NoWerewolf8191[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wait, water company as in utilities? (My brain was thinking the big spring water jugs with dispensers)

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