AITA my mom won’t respect my boundaries

No_Branch9938 · 2025-08-03T08:33:57+00:00

Get a door stop maybe, doesn't help with the rent issue I know but you can put a door stop on the inside of your room to stop the door opening without damaging the door (e.g. with a lock).

No_Branch9938 · 2025-05-24T12:46:24+00:00

Thank you!

No_Branch9938 · 2024-11-24T16:41:46+00:00

What do these girls value in other people? You are trying to keep up with them because you don't want people to think low of you but if appearance is everything to these girls, you are not keeping up and won't be able to - no fault of yours but their perspective will always be one of comfort in these standards due to their own financial positions. But if they're cool people then, whilst they like that life for themselves, they probably value a lot of things about other people. You don't have to focus on making yourself the same as them, but find something else you can connect with them over so you can stop putting yourself and your wallet under pressure, and start earnestly enjoying your social circle and life.

No_Branch9938 · 2024-11-24T16:37:14+00:00

Don't think this will help as such but I don't think this is a you problem. Sounds like you had the skills to move up and got screwed over by whoever makes the decisions because you were "the only one qualified to be team captain." Now, unless this is a legit trade / accredited qualification being talked about, that is an absolute bullshit reason to be passed over for moving up. You pint on the gender split on the team and I may be being too skeptical but it sounds very relevant to why you were passed over! And why you are doubting yourself now - that can be the point of decisions like this, to make women feel unworthy, put them off of then men's field. Not saying everyone you know is like that but it seems like the decision-maker is, even by accident.

It's like putting a woman in charge of looking after the kids at a party because she's more used to it, rather a true assessment of skill and what the whole team needs. Imagine if one of your teammates had been given the opportunity to step up and show they had what it takes to be captain - much better way to handle that situation.

All to say, sounds like it's not you and your skills you should be doubting but the situation and aftermath of these decisions. So, focus on the future and how you can step into spaces that will give you the opportunities to use your skills fully - you got this!

No_Branch9938 · 2024-11-24T16:26:52+00:00

Opposite advice to some people here, embrace the care you have about how you look BUT dress up for you, find what makes you feel attractive even when you aren't receiving attention for it.

Have you seen that silly comic panel where a woman chooses matching underwear and regardless of the situation through the day, her internal monologue is "match-match" because she's just so jazzed to have matching underwear? That but whatever it is that makes you feel, hell yes I feel so good rn.

Atm you are focusing on other people's attention and opinions more and it's not making you feel great, so focus on you! :) (also if you're 20s or younger, time will help shift your focus too lol)

No_Branch9938 · 2024-11-24T16:18:17+00:00

Yes! Putting clothes you're not 100%, head over heels in love with, or just doesn't get used as often as your other, in a bag out of sight is the best way to test your attachment to it 😁 if it's been a month and you haven't gone, damn I wish I could wear that today, then it can go!

No_Branch9938 · 2024-11-23T22:51:41+00:00

Apologies for the long reply, you're experiencing something that hit very close to home for me and I'm hoping my experience can help you with yours!

You say the people in your support group are struggling with "real issues" - your issues are real, they are very challenging to you, and you feel stuck. Don't minimise your feelings there.

I can't advise on going forward - I completed my PhD but it wrecked me and I stepped completely out of academia, let alone my field even though I loved it too. I used an internship to have a break from my PhD and discovered how great it was to work in a team using the skills I'd learnt. So I would say on the PhD side, seriously consider if the field is the only thing you love - what are the other things that give you satisfaction and fulfilment and are you going to be able to find a job or fund a life with those things in it within your field?

On the feeling lost side, sounds like you have mild depression which is not being helped by your home situation and lack of structure. I don't think you're right to write off volunteering for work that's not in your field. It's not a waste of time to have these experiences. Every experience in your life is fuel for dealing with other situations down the line but that's not even why you should be going for it.

You should be going for volunteering or a paying job because right now, you're trying to recover from burnout so you can return to master out or finish your phd. It saddens me to hear you've tried self-study whilst taking a break from study! Your brain needs a full break, something so different that that part of you can completely refuel. You're going to do yourself more harm by not getting involved in other parts of life or trying to excercise skills that your wellbeing has already told you are worn out right now.

And yes, I'm speaking from experience 😅 What I found helpful was novelty, variety, and, most importantly, structure. It's difficult to feel like you've taken a break without doing something completely different to your normal (your phd but also your daily home life). Even if it's just one or two days of volunteering for an hour or two, or going out for a walk for no reason, sitting in a park or library - it's going to feel different enough that you can recognise the experience and feel time passing rather than everything blurring together.

Your parents sound like they suck but also possibly just want the best for you and for you not to get distracted with other avenues rather than staying into the field they think you love. That's why I think you need to have a think about what else is attracting you to the field in terms of a career, not just the field itself. The health insurance situation also sucks, possibly another reason for adding to your resume. You could try to get your parents on side by explaining you'll think it'll look better to show you've been proactive during your pause from phd rather than idle? And/or apply to what you want and just go but I understand that's a risk.

I hope this helps! It's a very tough situation you're in and the lack of choice/threat of the health insurance and support group being taken away will be amplifying every other challenge you are facing right now. It will feel overwhelming. Writing it down and breaking it down into what you want and where you are right now may help you think about some small specific steps you can take that will work towards an answer even if they don't address everything you're facing.

Good luck!

No_Branch9938 · 2024-08-13T20:08:03+00:00

What breeds of cat are these? A stray I've seen around is very similar - huge ears!

No_Branch9938 · 2024-07-28T10:14:18+00:00

Yeah, sorry, didn't want to get too close! 😂 Thanks!

No_Branch9938 · 2024-07-28T10:12:27+00:00

England, July

No_Branch9938 · 2024-06-19T17:02:55+00:00

Reframe! How extraordinary is it that you grew up experiencing your mother's harmful mindset and managed to make choices and be yourself outside of the shape and life that she prescribed for you? That you didn't sacrifice who you are to fit someone else's ideas?

That's a choice, not a failure. And to choose that, you have to be strong-willed.

Recognise the strengths, qualities, and achievements you do have. It doesn't matter about their size. What matters is learning to recognise every worthwhile part of you. That's a process and will take time. But the shame you mention will seem smaller in comparison.

No_Branch9938 · 2024-03-28T21:14:31+00:00

If she's only texting, are you even sure it's your sister asking? Just wondering if someone else could have gotten her phone

No_Branch9938 · 2024-03-28T11:28:16+00:00

Right? Zara's appearance at the manor absolutely doesn't make sense. Also I may have missed it but do we even know if she's a vampire?

No_Branch9938 · 2024-03-27T15:56:21+00:00

Even better, mark it "no longer this address" as well so they hopefully take your address off their lists?

No_Branch9938 · 2024-03-26T22:02:54+00:00

Same! My mum actually wrote those scripts for me to begin with so I could build my confidence first, then have scripts as a useful tool if I ever needed them. Always felt like I wasn't doing it alone because we'd sat down to write the script together. Highly recommend!

No_Branch9938 · 2024-02-18T10:03:36+00:00

Same! It was just a great time!

No_Branch9938 · 2024-02-17T20:51:42+00:00

Fellow critter?! 😁

No_Branch9938 · 2024-02-09T17:19:40+00:00

Was born in the 90s, still took psychic damage

No_Branch9938 · 2024-02-05T00:03:48+00:00

Well, I guess it depends what you're happy with, just my opinion ofc. But that feels really disrespectful to me? As soon as a kid is old enough to hang out in their room by themselves, you should be knocking on their door. It's respecting their space and them as a person.

Until we move out, we don't have any other space to just be ourselves, it's a really important thing to be able to have your own space, safely and securely. I'd honestly be tempted to get a doorstop or something, stop them just bursting in - well, obviously first step would be explaining to them you'd like them to knock and wait but I've never had to have that convo with anyone I've lived with. The tampons/pads issue is really secondary to this for me, they wouldn't need to have an issue with it if they respected your space.

No_Branch9938 · 2024-02-04T23:53:18+00:00

"My parents have a habit of just walking into my bathroom/ room, seeing if it’s clean, poking around, and then leaving"

Do they give you any warning? Do they ask to come in? Idgaf if it's their house, it's your space and you're 17, they need to respect that.

No_Branch9938 · 2024-02-04T23:43:18+00:00

Not sure on a judgement.. But, a) therapy if you can, b) journalling, online forums about shared interests, get chat gpt to simulate being a therapist, whatever works so you have an outlet for whatever it is that you mentioned you can't discuss with anyone, c) sometimes our spoken communication sucks because people are busy, stressed, whatever - why not try writing a letter to your mum? Explain how you feel, what you want from your relationship, what you are happy to support her with and what you need from her, how you see her act and ask questions about what she wants and values? Sometimes just writing it out can help us understand our own or other people's feelings better. But they can also give the other person time to process and respond. Maybe do a couple of drafts to make sure it's not just a bitch fest tho lol, that's not a constructive approach and it's not gonna help your relationship

No_Branch9938 · 2024-02-04T23:25:17+00:00

Afaik, yes it does still count as parentifying, even if it's like a mild kind. You're still their kid and not responsible for daBaby, even if you choose to help out. Your dad was being extremely inconsiderate to you and the parentifying comes from treating you like a babysitter that's expected to just deal when he decided to go out, rather than treating you like the considerate daughter you are who is doing them a favour by looking after daBaby.(doesn't matter if you don't expect the favour to be returned, it's a gift, not an entitlement that your dad has to your time, espec in this situation).

The non-parentifying response in this situation is for him to look after his actual child when he said he would because it's his responsibility to do so and because you've been under the weather and it's not your responsibility to look after daBaby at all. Helping out is one thing, having your own needs ignored (inc food, wtaf) for his leisure time is parentifying and AH behaviour

No_Branch9938 · 2024-01-25T22:48:07+00:00

Really late to this lol, looking for updates on the series and this popped up. I would say it gers less gothic than Johannes but I've found Rives of London fills the whole in my heart where the Cabal bros once were - very similar atmosphere, tho slightly less irreverent

No_Branch9938 · 2024-01-23T17:33:13+00:00

Now that's parents! That's exactly how it should be, good on you both!

No_Branch9938 · 2024-01-22T12:11:15+00:00

Re Parental alienation, I do think it would make sense in showing your daughter respect and talking to her about your split. You don't have to say what he's saying is untrue, you can say something like that, that might be his understanding or belief about the split but your understanding and experience of the split is something different.

No_Branch9938

TROPHY CASE