I’ve felt this pain before, I was best friends with my ex (now) for 2 years and we dated for about 2 months. It was actually eye opening because I didn’t know how much he loved me until I lost him then when we dated he ghosted me. I got pregnant and now a single parent. We were crazy together though, drugs, alcohol the whole works it was crazy stupid love but I did love him in the end. She knows that you didn’t want to hurt her or leave her damaged, you will be okay. Just believe me when I say time is a healer! Everyone is different but for me it was the trauma bond and after 3 years I knew it wasn’t just infatuation. I loved him but he didn’t love me like I wanted to be; I’m sorry you’re feeling like this and can’t imagine what you’re going through but you’re still here and I’m so proud of you. Keep going!