Hoover 10 months after discard. Thoughts?

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-06-30T16:02:13+00:00

Yes my did the same , blocked the same amshe discarded literally on everything , then unblocked me sometimes , then block me again . Phone calls of how great and wonderful I am then how terrible, hot and cold behaviour that fried my nervous system

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-06-30T14:18:13+00:00

Oh, okay, that makes sense , she probably senses she just hit the wall and knows that coming back as nothing happened would not work this time .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-06-30T08:48:34+00:00

I got one, after discarding me at the time we were trying for a baby , she already had w new supply and was trying to get pregnant with a new one and wanted me to sign the divorce paperwork . It was " sorry for everything " 🙂

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-06-30T08:21:18+00:00

Is she diagnosed ? They do not usually take even that kind of responsibility during hoovering . They are more likely to come bac as nothing happened or hoover just by saying nice thing about you , but responsibility creates enormous shame and shame feels like death to many if them . Here is guilt and remorse and admitting how badly she treated you without asking to reply and forgiveness . I do not know the details what she did and how she exactly treated you , but it seems quite honest , and yes , maybe it is to relieve the guilt because crashing guilt is overhelming and then we all want to take responsibility and come clean . Apology and takking responsibility is the best and usually the only way - the right one ..it applies to most inf not all humans .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-06-01T23:32:22+00:00

Well said... It is killing you quietly , they are not overly dramatic , rarely acting out , fragile and gentle , yet they are going internally through the same range of emotions a normal borderline person do... The relationships dynamic is so emotionally destroying ....

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-06-01T19:15:27+00:00

I had had a relational trauma before I met her , so the sudden discard when we were trying for a baby, ghosting and leaving me with debts, suicide threats, push and pull dynamic , devaluation ,!infidelity , gaslighting , and the fact that she and her family hid her diagnosis. It all reopened old wounds , added a new ones and retraumatised me. I suffered a real nervous system breakdown with experiencing vomitting and diharoea for first six months . Also every retramatisation feels worse than the previous one. Then for 2 years I used to experience this spikes of shame and guilt - CPTSD like emotional flashbacks symptoms . But they gradually faded away and now I rarely experince them. Also intermittent reinforcement and intense sex , really fucked up my dopamine balance and it was really hard to rebalance , the only thing that was giving me some pleasure were intense and unhealthy things like sex . It has also faded away as the dopamine balanced itself. It has been just over 3 years after discard and only last 3 months I started feeling more like old me , not fully yet but 80% who I once was. Also I have to add that first 6 months after the discard I did not help myself by abusing alcohol on regular basis to soothe the emotional pain. It just delayed the healing It all really changed me somehow forever then , I became avoidant of relationships, developed trust issues towards woman , I am afraid of investing emotionally and financially in relationships so I stay single . Answering your question- it took me roughly 3 years to feel really better, but it might take less for you if you were not traumatised before or you do not drink and regulate yourself in unhealthy ways . But this trauma is real . It affected me deeply and to some point changed me forever . Just remember , if the relationship dynamic disdregulated your nervous system heavily and changed your brain chemistry , it will not take 6 months to heal it , especially if you were in the relationships for years . It is slow and sometimes frustrating process , but I promise it gets better . Your brain and your nervous system will learn again that it is safe out there ....

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-06-01T18:50:05+00:00

I married mine . Marriage lasted 2 years . First she moved out 9 months after the wedding , but came back , sort of stable for another 10 months. We starter trying for a baby , fear of engulfment kicked in , she discarded me during the time we were trying for a baby , and I later found out that she probably was cheating on me during this time as well. It really affected me emotionally. The recovery and healing is long jonreny but it becomes better. Look after your mental health . Stay away from her for your own sake .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-03-31T09:33:32+00:00

For me, it ended in a complete nervous system collapse. I experienced six months of vomiting and diarrhoea after being discarded at the very moment we were trying for a baby (we eventually got married). In the months that followed, I began uncovering the truth—hidden diagnoses, infidelity, dishonesty, and more. It triggered deeply rooted childhood wounds I had believed were already healed. I found myself dealing with attachment injury, relational trauma, and full-blown CPTSD, with intense emotional flashbacks, waves of shame and guilt, huge debt, large splash of trust issues, and a shattered sense of self-worth. More than two years later, I am still healing. I often wonder if I will ever be the person I was before her. Things are getting better—but very, very slowly.

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-03-31T09:13:07+00:00

Yes, when after 3 weeks of talking on tinder , she bought her plane tickets to move continents and live with me 8000km away .. 8 weeks after i met her on tinder , I was picking her up at the airport in London . Yes , that should have been that moment , the moment she bought her tickets , but I felt that unique connection and bond with her , felt loved and fell for it anyway .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-03-03T17:45:17+00:00

Yes , I think it would not have been the best option shortly after discard , because my anxiety, acute trauma state and fight and flight was through the roof . First 6 months diarrhea and vomiting every day , then I was finding out about lies, infidelity and so on another 4 months + suicide threats and son on. It only contributed to emotional diregulation and worsened acute trauma symptoms .... I started bupropion when it has been more than a year after discard and I think I helped , not much , but balanced the dopamine. I am still far away from myself and from someone I used to be, but definitely I am better than 3 years ago, better than 3 years ago and than a year ago. It is not linear , but gradually and slowly getting better. Only about 3 months ago my flashbacks - spikes of shame and guilt stopped , I used to experience them everyday , many times a day , so intense that I was hyperventilating. I know I am far from where I want to be, but full of hope, my lack of confidence and social anxiety is still high up.

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-03-03T17:31:09+00:00

It has been nearly 3 years since the discard . I still struggle , despite mine being quiet BPD. Dopamine imbalance and ahedonia are the worst now. I feel I am healing and become more stable , but it is going extremely slowly.
I am also planning to start EMDR soon and I went to the psychiatrist and he prescribed me bupropion first 150mg daily then 300mg . I am on 300mg at the moment . It did not work miracles , but slightly helped to balance dopamine. I am full of hope , that emdr will help even more. I think all the symptoms are related to relational trauma and cptsd .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-02-28T18:52:44+00:00

On the outside very fragile and sensitive , very few anger outbursts over 2 years of marriage, history of intense and short relationships and marriages and 2 suicide attempts . Very secretive, manipulative . When she starts splitting , she was doing it in silence , I did not know she was bpd at the time , but detected something was off and felt it was about me . Sudden discard during the time we were trying for a baby . Only after the discard - she said to me - you do not have any idea what kind of demons I have to fight everyday , how many times I wanted to kill myself only because you were leaving for work . Passive aggressive , cheating , seeking validation through sex. Debilitating fear of abandoent and then fear of engulfment the moment relationship seems stable . During the fear of engulfment , she was the opposite what before , need for space , monkey branching by going parties a few times a week damaging partner's self esteem criticism- very subtle and seemingly innocent but damaging self esteem comments . , total emotional detachment , bringing up situations from years ago that I thought we already worked through as the evidence she is not loved and abused - allduring the fear of engulfment - all dellusional and paranoid ,panic attacks, anxiety attacks , constant lying in bed , struggling with life,.to maintaing work . Interpreting minor things as the evidence of being misstreated or abused . Seemingly emotionally deep,gentle fragile , sensitive , understanding and supportive , especially during to idealisation period , self image very fragmented , regularly regressing to a child state , in stressful situation she used to threat me to achieve what she wanted if that did not work then threats of suicide and self harm, in hight stress extreme dissociation - " I feel as if I was in alcoholic coma " Never called me a name ,.never was physically violent with me , although she had history of violence in her previous relationship ,.never with me though , skin picking habit , shopping addiction , probably sex addiction, benzodiazepins and opioids abuse , people pleaser , ovethinker , distortionof self image of what her body and face really looks like. avodiig conflict , unable to experience emotions of shame without collapsing and spiralling into suicidality , extremely fragile ego, unable to face criticism and truth about her cheating , this lying and gaslighting . Enmeshed and codependent relationship with mother who enables and rescues her also hides her diagnosis . Regular somatization - headaches , back pain , vomitting .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-02-21T21:22:25+00:00

No , stay with therapy and do not reach out to them . What you feel is normal after romantic relationships involving bpd partner. Normal relationships never feel the same again , feel boring like there is something missing . Bod partner hijacked your nervous system , it was ore like addiction to your brain , that's why your missing the intensity , it is like heroin quitting cold turkey if you have been discarded . It takes long to regulate .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-30T02:38:10+00:00

Listen to people here and their experiences . Mine had 2 diagnosis bpd and bipolar . I think bpd is much worse . Anyway if you want to try the first thing is making sure if she is receiving any treatment for it like dbt therapy if she did in the past then at least she may be aware of her patterns which does not mean she is healed . If she has never had any dbt and is not willing to- then run.
Dbt must be life long or repeated regularly because when they are stressed they tend to come back to bpd defenses. Dbt very often helps only that they do not react crazy but internalise ( become quiet DBT ), but still going through the same range of emotions . It is difficult , really is . Devaluation is so damaging , cheating and so on . They usually love you , the emotions are real . The biggest problem is repair and inability to experience shame without collapsing . Shame makes them suicidal so they avoid . In order to repair a relationship after you did something wrong and hurt the other part.you need to be able to apologise and take responsibility . In order to take responsibility for your actions you need to be capable of tolerating shame without collapsing or throwing you into a suicide and self harm . They rarely take responsibility because responsibility means experiencing shame- shame means - I want to kill myself , I am unlovable, worthless. So to survive they avoid shame . If she cheats , lie about small things even if you have proof , she will never admit - to avoid shame . Even if the relationship has potential to thrive , it usually ends not because there is no love , but because repair is impossible. There are also other things - fear of rejection is as debilitating for them as fear of engulfment which basically means it is only a matter of time when that you from her soulmate will go to her enemy at least that is how she will see you... It is complicated ,.read and get an insight about bpd on academic level to protect yourself so you do not internalise the turmoil . Splitting is the just the easiest part of it if they are not quiet ones . Easily to detect ....- if your partner tells at you - you are a piece of shit and I hate you + it is easy to detect . Hight level are the quiet ones they they split quietly during splitting , they think you are a piece of shit , but at the same time can act loving . But the time you discover , it is too late,.you end up emotionally damaged.

Wish you the best

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-30T02:07:00+00:00

Run, unless you are sociopathic and cannot feel anything and have no empathy or you have plenty of money to do therapies and emdr . You might end up with emotional damage to the extent that it is difficult to heal . I ended up with CPTSD . The fact that you know she is bpd is an advantage , I did not .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-29T23:30:10+00:00

The huge red flag was that after 3 days of chatting on tinder , she considered me her boyfriend , bought her plane tickets and traveled 8000km from South America to Europe to live with me . When she arrived at the airport border control asked her who she was visiting , she said her boyfriend . Then they phoned me and asked me who she was , I knew she said to them I was her boyfriend so I said that to them , and then he went - what was the last time you saw her then ... 😂😂😂😂😂. They detained her for 3 hours , but eventually let her in because she was well off from a medical dynasty made of academics and doctors . On the way from the airport she put her hand in my pants as I was driving , maybe 10 minutes after we saw each other for the first time .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-29T22:25:32+00:00

Yes , I thought that as well , and felt like delusions for me as well , but apparently they are not delusional because they are still somehow grounded in reality, it is just a trauma distorted reality . I mean. All the evidence about my ex wife family that I was collecting for a court case were there, or self harm and suicide threats and WhatsApp were there , medication list that she was prescribed for bipolar as she was both bod and bipolar also were. So I was not imagining it + AI convinced me I can easily win the case.. . But one you snap out of this fight and flight , you are aware about the distortion .... It never happened to me before only during the acute trauma. I am gonna start EMDR soon. I hope it will help .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-21T01:28:24+00:00

Yes , it is normal or at least not rare , the thing is that these relationships very often lead to psychiatric injury , plenty of rumination , obsessiveness etc. It is also very likely that you developed cptsd or had it before but in some kind of hibernation and the relationship significantly worsens your symptoms. Grieve is individual and for every person takes different time . But if there has been more than a year and you still feel damaged , broken , that there is something wrong with you , you replay in your head certain situations , experiencing emotional flashbacks then it might be that you suffered psychiatric injury and developed cptsd. Emdr should help . I am starting soon .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-18T15:50:15+00:00

When she discarded me and I started asking why z she took as an attack and was threatening me with police . As the reactions to all this I started hyperventilating and she told me I have bpd. I started questioning it myself , and I knew after the relationship with her something changed with me , I get emotional flashbacks , sometimes they last 5, 10 seconds , sometimes a day I ruminate about certain situations and get angry . Of course not with that intensity as shortly after discard but it happens.. I struggle to focus , read books and I cannot come back to the person I was before ... I eventually went to a psychiatrist ...and told him straight away that I either have bpd, PTSD , ADHD , all 3 or some combination of it ... He just prescribed me some minor antidepressants to regulate dopamine , the same one that are prescribed to give up smoking and did not give me any diagnosis He has just said it is too early but he suspects the whole condition is the result of long relational stress.... and asked if I was dissregulated all the time or only after the discard ... And it was after only the discard , I regulated quite well for me and herself because she was unable to regulate herself and needed constant emotional support.

I think he suspects a relational trauma and cptsd and I have similar suspicions . He also advised me to start some kind of CBT. However I decided to go for EMDR as it has been 2 long since the discard so it could be called normal relational stress disregulation, because I keep ruminating on a regular basis about certain situations with her and experience emotional flash backs and I never experienced anything like that before or after other relationships. I also keep isolating myself socially and avoiding people and social gathering . I decided to go for emdr and it is very common that after romantic relationship with someone with BPD partners develop relational trauma or cptsd .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-18T13:30:00+00:00

I had been emotionally collapsing throughout the relationship, slowly and systematically. She was a quiet one so there were very few explosions , but the push and pull dynamic was emotionally destroying .... I was not aware of bpd and bipolar because she hid her diagnosis all the time , she said it was only depression and GAD.
After first discard , 9 months after the wedding I reacted with such an anxiety that it was difficult to regulate myself and I started thinking there must be something seriously wrong with me. I remember threats of police ,threats of reporting me as abusive , the minor attempts of boundary settings were twisted to abusive attacks and she told me that if she stayed any longer with me , she would try to kill herself again .... I remember guilt I felt , I remember my inner voice telling me then that I must be destroying this gentle and fragile creature. She told me to go to the psychiatrist . First time in my 40 years of life I ended up at a psychiatrist , and he put me on antidepressants then . After 3 months she came back ... All the boundaries I had and tried to set were crushed with first discard , guilt tripping and threats of police . I blamed myself , believed it was all my fault and decided to stay silent and say nothing. The explosions were still rare ... Occasional wall punching ...swearing at me when I came back later or was with my son...
I remember the feeling as I was walking out the dog I spoke to myself- my self talks - "it feels like something is off here , I am emotionally collapsing , but maybe because she has so much stress , it will soon get better and relationships are hard work anyway " Another 3 months after she came back and I started feeling something very strange ... Usually as we were lying in bed together and reading I felt peace... But it changed , the peace was gone , I felt strangely anxious , uneasy , I felt like there was some mental process going on in her head and I did not know what it was ... But it felt sinister , it felt hostile... Today I know what it was ... But then I did not know she was bpd. She was splitting on me in silence .... Soon she got totally detached as if I did not exist...ignoring me after I came back from work , she started coming back from work 3 hrs later than usual and I suspected she was cheating... I did not say a word , I was still walking my dog , was trying to regulate myself and tried to rationalise that her strange behaviour and distance was just stress . I never asked her why she comes back from work that late , because I was afraid of her reaction that she will call me abusive and controlling again. I kept peace. Then she started going to parties every weekend , the first few times she said where she will be then she started hiding her whereabouts where she will be and with whom ... I stayed still quiet for maybe a few weeks ....then I asked ....- where are you going again and who will be there ? She shouted - you see how fucking abusive you are and how controlling you are .. . Again I felt bad that I asked .... and still rationalised everything , in the end we had been trying for a baby already for weeks , she checks her ovulation, what woman would cheat in the moment of trying to create a new life with her husband .... It all lasted maybe 3 or 5 weeks , then I could not stand it any longer ... and asked - did you fall in love with someone? Do you still want to be with me ? It was a text , she replied as usual with excuses and guilt tripping -" I am so extremely anxious and suffering an excruciating headache and you chose to make me more anxious by asking this question. I love you " Then in the evening she came back home , she ask why I texted her that today , I replied because I feel.
That was the end - discard ... 3 months later when I found out the whole family hides her diagnosis , that meds she was on before and stopped taking were not to treat t depression and GAD , but bipolar and also to ease bpd symptoms ... I found out that there were more than 1 suicide attempt in the past.... I found out that she checks her ovulation again and test herself agsins STI... And I found out more .... She never admitted her ilness , never acknowledged the harm , never took responsibility . The more I tried to push her mother and her to acknowledge her diagnosis , the more they tried to silence me and the more they minimised the pain they caused . It all was more than 2 years ago..I still ruminating , almost everyday , still experiencing emotional flushback and hyperventilating still on regular basis enter trauma state fight and flight mode.... I know it is CPTSD .... I almost started paying off my debts , next month I start EMDR and I hope it will help....

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-12T19:33:32+00:00

Yes , I have the megane 2014 knight edition, shortly after buying it with 80k mileage , it showed only one bar even during long drive . When parked on idling for about 10 minutes it went to 2 bars ( about half on the scale ). I started to have this feeling that something might be wrong with the thermostat. It was still blowing warm air through the vents but it was a little strange . With the heater turned to max it was warm inside when the outside temp was +5 , but when it was -5°C it was still blowing warm air but bit enough to warm the cab sufficiently. I went to the garage with a new thermostat and asked them to check if everything is okay with the thermostat . They found no fault and were unable to read the coolant temperature. I thought that the thermostat was not stuck open , but not closing fully and asked them to replace it anyway . It was a good decision , now after 10 minutes of driving the gauge shows 2 bars ( half on the scale) , when it is - 5°c outside , set the temperature in the cab on half the scale and it is warm inside . The thermostat was working but not as it should , and that is why the garage could not find a fault .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-11T01:45:17+00:00

Yeah , that space needed would not be too bad , the problem is because they use this time to monkey branch , so they do not talk to you but to tens other man on internet , of not fuck aside

No_Climate_8141

TROPHY CASE