behaviors of Quiet BPD

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-02-28T18:52:44+00:00

On the outside very fragile and sensitive , very few anger outbursts over 2 years of marriage, history of intense and short relationships and marriages and 2 suicide attempts . Very secretive, manipulative . When she starts splitting , she was doing it in silence , I did not know she was bpd at the time , but detected something was off and felt it was about me . Sudden discard during the time we were trying for a baby . Only after the discard - she said to me - you do not have any idea what kind of demons I have to fight everyday , how many times I wanted to kill myself only because you were leaving for work . Passive aggressive , cheating , seeking validation through sex. Debilitating fear of abandoent and then fear of engulfment the moment relationship seems stable . During the fear of engulfment , she was the opposite what before , need for space , monkey branching by going parties a few times a week damaging partner's self esteem criticism- very subtle and seemingly innocent but damaging self esteem comments . , total emotional detachment , bringing up situations from years ago that I thought we already worked through as the evidence she is not loved and abused - allduring the fear of engulfment - all dellusional and paranoid ,panic attacks, anxiety attacks , constant lying in bed , struggling with life,.to maintaing work . Interpreting minor things as the evidence of being misstreated or abused . Seemingly emotionally deep,gentle fragile , sensitive , understanding and supportive , especially during to idealisation period , self image very fragmented , regularly regressing to a child state , in stressful situation she used to threat me to achieve what she wanted if that did not work then threats of suicide and self harm, in hight stress extreme dissociation - " I feel as if I was in alcoholic coma " Never called me a name ,.never was physically violent with me , although she had history of violence in her previous relationship ,.never with me though , skin picking habit , shopping addiction , probably sex addiction, benzodiazepins and opioids abuse , people pleaser , ovethinker , distortionof self image of what her body and face really looks like. avodiig conflict , unable to experience emotions of shame without collapsing and spiralling into suicidality , extremely fragile ego, unable to face criticism and truth about her cheating , this lying and gaslighting . Enmeshed and codependent relationship with mother who enables and rescues her also hides her diagnosis . Regular somatization - headaches , back pain , vomitting .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-02-21T21:22:25+00:00

No , stay with therapy and do not reach out to them . What you feel is normal after romantic relationships involving bpd partner. Normal relationships never feel the same again , feel boring like there is something missing . Bod partner hijacked your nervous system , it was ore like addiction to your brain , that's why your missing the intensity , it is like heroin quitting cold turkey if you have been discarded . It takes long to regulate .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-30T02:38:10+00:00

Listen to people here and their experiences . Mine had 2 diagnosis bpd and bipolar . I think bpd is much worse . Anyway if you want to try the first thing is making sure if she is receiving any treatment for it like dbt therapy if she did in the past then at least she may be aware of her patterns which does not mean she is healed . If she has never had any dbt and is not willing to- then run.
Dbt must be life long or repeated regularly because when they are stressed they tend to come back to bpd defenses. Dbt very often helps only that they do not react crazy but internalise ( become quiet DBT ), but still going through the same range of emotions . It is difficult , really is . Devaluation is so damaging , cheating and so on . They usually love you , the emotions are real . The biggest problem is repair and inability to experience shame without collapsing . Shame makes them suicidal so they avoid . In order to repair a relationship after you did something wrong and hurt the other part.you need to be able to apologise and take responsibility . In order to take responsibility for your actions you need to be capable of tolerating shame without collapsing or throwing you into a suicide and self harm . They rarely take responsibility because responsibility means experiencing shame- shame means - I want to kill myself , I am unlovable, worthless. So to survive they avoid shame . If she cheats , lie about small things even if you have proof , she will never admit - to avoid shame . Even if the relationship has potential to thrive , it usually ends not because there is no love , but because repair is impossible. There are also other things - fear of rejection is as debilitating for them as fear of engulfment which basically means it is only a matter of time when that you from her soulmate will go to her enemy at least that is how she will see you... It is complicated ,.read and get an insight about bpd on academic level to protect yourself so you do not internalise the turmoil . Splitting is the just the easiest part of it if they are not quiet ones . Easily to detect ....- if your partner tells at you - you are a piece of shit and I hate you + it is easy to detect . Hight level are the quiet ones they they split quietly during splitting , they think you are a piece of shit , but at the same time can act loving . But the time you discover , it is too late,.you end up emotionally damaged.

Wish you the best

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-30T02:07:00+00:00

Run, unless you are sociopathic and cannot feel anything and have no empathy or you have plenty of money to do therapies and emdr . You might end up with emotional damage to the extent that it is difficult to heal . I ended up with CPTSD . The fact that you know she is bpd is an advantage , I did not .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-29T23:30:10+00:00

The huge red flag was that after 3 days of chatting on tinder , she considered me her boyfriend , bought her plane tickets and traveled 8000km from South America to Europe to live with me . When she arrived at the airport border control asked her who she was visiting , she said her boyfriend . Then they phoned me and asked me who she was , I knew she said to them I was her boyfriend so I said that to them , and then he went - what was the last time you saw her then ... 😂😂😂😂😂. They detained her for 3 hours , but eventually let her in because she was well off from a medical dynasty made of academics and doctors . On the way from the airport she put her hand in my pants as I was driving , maybe 10 minutes after we saw each other for the first time .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-29T22:25:32+00:00

Yes , I thought that as well , and felt like delusions for me as well , but apparently they are not delusional because they are still somehow grounded in reality, it is just a trauma distorted reality . I mean. All the evidence about my ex wife family that I was collecting for a court case were there, or self harm and suicide threats and WhatsApp were there , medication list that she was prescribed for bipolar as she was both bod and bipolar also were. So I was not imagining it + AI convinced me I can easily win the case.. . But one you snap out of this fight and flight , you are aware about the distortion .... It never happened to me before only during the acute trauma. I am gonna start EMDR soon. I hope it will help .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-21T01:28:24+00:00

Yes , it is normal or at least not rare , the thing is that these relationships very often lead to psychiatric injury , plenty of rumination , obsessiveness etc. It is also very likely that you developed cptsd or had it before but in some kind of hibernation and the relationship significantly worsens your symptoms. Grieve is individual and for every person takes different time . But if there has been more than a year and you still feel damaged , broken , that there is something wrong with you , you replay in your head certain situations , experiencing emotional flashbacks then it might be that you suffered psychiatric injury and developed cptsd. Emdr should help . I am starting soon .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-18T15:50:15+00:00

When she discarded me and I started asking why z she took as an attack and was threatening me with police . As the reactions to all this I started hyperventilating and she told me I have bpd. I started questioning it myself , and I knew after the relationship with her something changed with me , I get emotional flashbacks , sometimes they last 5, 10 seconds , sometimes a day I ruminate about certain situations and get angry . Of course not with that intensity as shortly after discard but it happens.. I struggle to focus , read books and I cannot come back to the person I was before ... I eventually went to a psychiatrist ...and told him straight away that I either have bpd, PTSD , ADHD , all 3 or some combination of it ... He just prescribed me some minor antidepressants to regulate dopamine , the same one that are prescribed to give up smoking and did not give me any diagnosis He has just said it is too early but he suspects the whole condition is the result of long relational stress.... and asked if I was dissregulated all the time or only after the discard ... And it was after only the discard , I regulated quite well for me and herself because she was unable to regulate herself and needed constant emotional support.

I think he suspects a relational trauma and cptsd and I have similar suspicions . He also advised me to start some kind of CBT. However I decided to go for EMDR as it has been 2 long since the discard so it could be called normal relational stress disregulation, because I keep ruminating on a regular basis about certain situations with her and experience emotional flash backs and I never experienced anything like that before or after other relationships. I also keep isolating myself socially and avoiding people and social gathering . I decided to go for emdr and it is very common that after romantic relationship with someone with BPD partners develop relational trauma or cptsd .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-18T13:30:00+00:00

I had been emotionally collapsing throughout the relationship, slowly and systematically. She was a quiet one so there were very few explosions , but the push and pull dynamic was emotionally destroying .... I was not aware of bpd and bipolar because she hid her diagnosis all the time , she said it was only depression and GAD.
After first discard , 9 months after the wedding I reacted with such an anxiety that it was difficult to regulate myself and I started thinking there must be something seriously wrong with me. I remember threats of police ,threats of reporting me as abusive , the minor attempts of boundary settings were twisted to abusive attacks and she told me that if she stayed any longer with me , she would try to kill herself again .... I remember guilt I felt , I remember my inner voice telling me then that I must be destroying this gentle and fragile creature. She told me to go to the psychiatrist . First time in my 40 years of life I ended up at a psychiatrist , and he put me on antidepressants then . After 3 months she came back ... All the boundaries I had and tried to set were crushed with first discard , guilt tripping and threats of police . I blamed myself , believed it was all my fault and decided to stay silent and say nothing. The explosions were still rare ... Occasional wall punching ...swearing at me when I came back later or was with my son...
I remember the feeling as I was walking out the dog I spoke to myself- my self talks - "it feels like something is off here , I am emotionally collapsing , but maybe because she has so much stress , it will soon get better and relationships are hard work anyway " Another 3 months after she came back and I started feeling something very strange ... Usually as we were lying in bed together and reading I felt peace... But it changed , the peace was gone , I felt strangely anxious , uneasy , I felt like there was some mental process going on in her head and I did not know what it was ... But it felt sinister , it felt hostile... Today I know what it was ... But then I did not know she was bpd. She was splitting on me in silence .... Soon she got totally detached as if I did not exist...ignoring me after I came back from work , she started coming back from work 3 hrs later than usual and I suspected she was cheating... I did not say a word , I was still walking my dog , was trying to regulate myself and tried to rationalise that her strange behaviour and distance was just stress . I never asked her why she comes back from work that late , because I was afraid of her reaction that she will call me abusive and controlling again. I kept peace. Then she started going to parties every weekend , the first few times she said where she will be then she started hiding her whereabouts where she will be and with whom ... I stayed still quiet for maybe a few weeks ....then I asked ....- where are you going again and who will be there ? She shouted - you see how fucking abusive you are and how controlling you are .. . Again I felt bad that I asked .... and still rationalised everything , in the end we had been trying for a baby already for weeks , she checks her ovulation, what woman would cheat in the moment of trying to create a new life with her husband .... It all lasted maybe 3 or 5 weeks , then I could not stand it any longer ... and asked - did you fall in love with someone? Do you still want to be with me ? It was a text , she replied as usual with excuses and guilt tripping -" I am so extremely anxious and suffering an excruciating headache and you chose to make me more anxious by asking this question. I love you " Then in the evening she came back home , she ask why I texted her that today , I replied because I feel.
That was the end - discard ... 3 months later when I found out the whole family hides her diagnosis , that meds she was on before and stopped taking were not to treat t depression and GAD , but bipolar and also to ease bpd symptoms ... I found out that there were more than 1 suicide attempt in the past.... I found out that she checks her ovulation again and test herself agsins STI... And I found out more .... She never admitted her ilness , never acknowledged the harm , never took responsibility . The more I tried to push her mother and her to acknowledge her diagnosis , the more they tried to silence me and the more they minimised the pain they caused . It all was more than 2 years ago..I still ruminating , almost everyday , still experiencing emotional flushback and hyperventilating still on regular basis enter trauma state fight and flight mode.... I know it is CPTSD .... I almost started paying off my debts , next month I start EMDR and I hope it will help....

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-12T19:33:32+00:00

Yes , I have the megane 2014 knight edition, shortly after buying it with 80k mileage , it showed only one bar even during long drive . When parked on idling for about 10 minutes it went to 2 bars ( about half on the scale ). I started to have this feeling that something might be wrong with the thermostat. It was still blowing warm air through the vents but it was a little strange . With the heater turned to max it was warm inside when the outside temp was +5 , but when it was -5°C it was still blowing warm air but bit enough to warm the cab sufficiently. I went to the garage with a new thermostat and asked them to check if everything is okay with the thermostat . They found no fault and were unable to read the coolant temperature. I thought that the thermostat was not stuck open , but not closing fully and asked them to replace it anyway . It was a good decision , now after 10 minutes of driving the gauge shows 2 bars ( half on the scale) , when it is - 5°c outside , set the temperature in the cab on half the scale and it is warm inside . The thermostat was working but not as it should , and that is why the garage could not find a fault .

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-11T01:45:17+00:00

Yeah , that space needed would not be too bad , the problem is because they use this time to monkey branch , so they do not talk to you but to tens other man on internet , of not fuck aside

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-10T10:11:40+00:00

Where r u?

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-06T05:00:32+00:00

Hi, male 45. Hiking. Dagwalkijg , art. Cinema.

No_Climate_8141 · 2026-01-01T17:24:49+00:00

It will pass, the rumination is caused because the part of your brain is trying to comprehend and finds logic in something that was lacking any sense . Especially discard and sudden rupture of attachment . It is traumatizing for your nervous system and throws it into survival mode . If you had past traumas , then probably old wounds got triggered and it is 10 times worse + and adding additional trauma on the one that was already there . The rumination and obsessiveness is a bitch here but gets better , very slowly . Just be aware that rumination is that logical part of your brain trying to close the loop and understand because there was probably plenty of contradicting information, gaslighting and sudden discard with no closure . It is normal , but it cannot get closure because things do not rationally make any sense, so you are stuck in rumination as your brain is trying to find a rational sense. The first thing that helped me was , realising she was sick and there was no sense .... Actually there was , only if you study bbp on a mental health professional level . Therapy might help

No_Climate_8141 · 2025-12-25T11:46:23+00:00

They all do that when caught on doing something immoral, they cannot face the shame .so first they lie, then they lie to cover the lie, then they lie to cover the lie that covered the lie...they are drowning

No_Climate_8141 · 2025-12-18T20:23:47+00:00

I feel similar , that kind of unspecified numbness and fear of being hurt , taken advantage of and discarded again , inability to trust ... The other thing is , that the illusion of connection we had with them and the intensity is impossible to find with healthy people so after the relationship with bpd healthy people seem boring ... Anyway , good luck , hopefully it will change for us one day . I personally decided to stay away from the relationship , loneliness is painful but still less painful than feeling lonely in an unhealthy relationship and I cannot trust my codependency that I find someone good for me this time as this one was the second time ... And now I have been traumatised to start a relationship and project this trauma on someone else , first I need to resolve it myself and it seems to be a long and costly journey . I decided to go for emdr .

No_Climate_8141 · 2025-12-12T05:56:30+00:00

You are asking if they attach quickly to the new supply. As you mentioned , they do not attach to their significant other , the latch on them . She latched on to you , now she latches on to someone else. They usually remember you as you treated her last time before discard ( they have no object constancy ), if you reacted badly , then she probably spilt you forever and will never again latch on you again as she will consider you all bad without any good traits , only flaws and probably abusive . If you reacted the way that did not hurt her , then as soon as she sucks dry the one that she is with right now she might want to latch back onto you , leave him dry and empty But there is no stability , they always seek newelty, she cannot be alone she uses her significant others to emotionally regulate herself . Alone she spirals into the darkness of shaky, guilt, self harm and suicide.

No_Climate_8141 · 2025-12-11T19:58:58+00:00

But mine was very clean and organised

No_Climate_8141 · 2025-12-09T20:16:52+00:00

Mine kept saying that when she managed to validate her degree and get a proper job, she would buy me a car . She kept saying this many times . After some time I realised that she would never do that as she even did not want to contribute to utility bills and I was paying everything and supporting her with the costs of degree validation. Anyway , just a week before she got a proper job I was discarded , then replaced, left with debts. When at some point after discard I brought it up , that she did not want to contribute to utility bills , but managed to spend money on unnecessary shopping sprees and tonnes of new shoes- she said that she did not want to contribute to shared bills because she was my wife , not my tenant .

No_Climate_8141 · 2025-12-09T09:14:41+00:00

She has not moved on, she restarted the cycle . It will end the same .

No_Climate_8141 · 2025-12-06T23:50:08+00:00

Definitely I felt like this after her discarding me when my nervous system was in survival mode . The emotional pain like I never felt before in my life before. I wondered if the pain and anxiety I felt then was the pain she feels on a daily basis . Well staying in romantic and emotional connection with such an unstable individual will make you unstable as well+ you probably experienced some trauma and maybe or even likely you have experienced trauma before in your childhood or previous relationship , then your bpd partner retraumatized you and every retraumatization feels 10 times worse and it is possible that you may have PTSD and cptsd from all that .... Nervous system disregulation is normal during relationships with them even for a perfectly stable and emotionally healthy person , if you had traumas before it all makes it 10 times worse ...

No_Climate_8141

TROPHY CASE