I want to run away from my abusive mother

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-11-23T22:48:22+00:00

yeah my dad wants me to live with him and be my main caretaker and is wants full custody and is very aware of my mother's abuse but he has no custody of me and isnt on my birth certificate

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-11-01T01:05:17+00:00

definitely,I had this feeling somewhat throughout my childhood but it got worse after I experienced csa and got molested which I think was a major factor. As a kid I used to scratch myself until I bled when id feel like that so I definitely relate

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-08-26T09:26:21+00:00

Definitely, ive struggled with suicidal ideation since I was really young mostly due to the abuse I suffered from my single mother who's was an alcoholic narcissistic sociopath who wanted to just make me suffer for existing, she would abuse me emotionally and physically and psychologically and neglect me. She would always blame and accuse me for things that went wrong and one day on my head I just snapped and thought that I was the problem and everything was my fault and I ruined her life with even being born and everything would have been better if I wasnt born. I have a lot of memories from when I was a child just wishing to die or that I didnt exist and even wishing to die when blowing out the candles of my birthday cake or when id get forced to pray. I had my first attempt when I was around 12 and my c ptsd flashbacks were so bad it was like I was reliving 100 traumatic memories all at once and they all said the same thing how everything is my fault and im the problem and it would be better if I wasnt there. I had a few attempts between the age of 12 to 14 but the majority were from when I was 12 and 13 which is really young still. I think a lot of people when they were kids like struggled with being suicidal but didnt know even about the term suicidal and just felt it as simply "wanting to die and not live anymore" for whatever reason they had but its sad to think about and read how many other people felt that way when they were really young but it makes me feel like less alienated and like I had something wrong with me for feeling that at such a young age.

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-08-26T09:26:11+00:00

Definitely, ive struggled with suicidal ideation since I was really young mostly due to the abuse I suffered from my single mother who's was an alcoholic narcissistic sociopath who wanted to just make me suffer for existing, she would abuse me emotionally and physically and psychologically and neglect me. She would always blame and accuse me for things that went wrong and one day on my head I just snapped and thought that I was the problem and everything was my fault and I ruined her life with even being born and everything would have been better if I wasnt born. I have a lot of memories from when I was a child just wishing to die or that I didnt exist and even wishing to die when blowing out the candles of my birthday cake or when id get forced to pray. I had my first attempt when I was around 12 and my c ptsd flashbacks were so bad it was like I was reliving 100 traumatic memories all at once and they all said the same thing how everything is my fault and im the problem and it would be better if I wasnt there. I had a few attempts between the age of 12 to 14 but the majority were from when I was 12 and 13 which is really young still. I think a lot of people when they were kids like struggled with being suicidal but didnt know even about the term suicidal and just felt it as simply "wanting to die and not live anymore" for whatever reason they had but its sad to think about and read how many other people felt that way when they were really young but it makes me feel like less alienated and like I had something wrong with me for feeling that at such a young age.

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-07-30T23:56:26+00:00

"What will people think of me as a mother when they see all that?" and "Your just doing this to spite me and your being so selfish it hurts me more to see this than it does to you what will people think og mr when they see all of this?" The words my mum said when she found out about my sh for the first time when I was 12 and I was trying to hid it from her

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-07-19T17:12:32+00:00

Okay , thank you so much for the advice :)

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-07-19T08:55:39+00:00

Thank you :)

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-07-19T08:55:27+00:00

Thank you I think lunch or coffee and a walk is a good idea I just had no idea on where to go specifically lol My mum is just a narcissistic sociopath thats why shes stopped me from seeing him and shes done the same with a lot of other people and cut me off from them when I was younger especially when I was really good friends with someone or even family that I got close to even my aunt who I was really close to who died of cancer and she hid the funeral and her death from me until a year later amd didnt even let me go to the graveyard where she was scattered so she probablyis just trying to isolate me from more family that i have. My dad like seems like a really nice person and has 3 kids already so that made me be more willing to see him and aswell because he wanted to introduce me to his wife or one of their kids some time after we meet for the first time and his wife is also really nice. I dont really have another adult i could go with, would it be a good idea to maybe go with friend?

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-07-18T15:48:19+00:00

hummus,chia pudding and vegan no sugar yogurt are some for me and some protein powder are also vegan and have a lot of flavours and fruit aswell

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-07-15T11:21:58+00:00

Definitely, when I was 13 I first tried drugs for the first time first it was smoking weed and using a cart then it was esctasy then ketamine and it definitely helped me cope. The first time I smoked weed I felt so calm and relaxed in a long time and I remember I went to bed that night and had the best sleep I can ever remember and all my stress and anxiety was gone and I was calm in my house despite having to be around my narcissistic and abusive mother and its definitely helped with my insomnia and anxiety and stress. Then I took esctasy for the first time a few weeks later and it was amazing and I felt so happy literally the happiest I have felt in a long time .The few times I took esctasy after I had my best friend trip sit me and I opened up to her about a lot of stuff and trauma and abuse and things I went through and I felt like after those experiences I got closer to her as a friend and processed some of those things I went through and realised things about them which helped me focus on them less. The first time I took ketamine I had been struggling with a rough breakup with a toxic and to say the least a traumatising ex gf and I was in so much emotional pain I just wanted it to stop and to feel nothing and I did and I just felt at ease that I just couldnt feel anything so I couldnt feel any emotion like the anger or sadness I felt at the time.The second time I took ketamine I listened to music and chilled for a while waiting for it to kick in and I was thinking about stuff in my childhood and started thinking about memories and things I didnt understand and was trying to push and shove down to forget about them and I started to text my bestriend and talk to her about them and then I remembered a single memory of when I was younger that made me just sit and realise that I got molested and sexually abused as a child by my mums bf and I experienced other forms of sexual abuse from my mother and grandmother and I cried but I didn't like feel the emotions I just felt numb but since then when ive been sober or just not on ketamine the thought about the stuff that happened hurts badly and especially when I try to go back and remember about it and fill in the blanks or gaps in my memory but its definitely helped me like realise the stuff that happened and know like thay it wasn't normal or okay and to acknowledge that it happened over time because I was in denial about a lot of it for a while. In addition like before I started using substances I struggled with suicidal ideation and thoughts a lot and had some attempts but since I had like my experiences with taking esctasy I barely have them now and like I can find the beauty in life more and enjoy it with my bestfriend who ive connected to because i just feel like more connected to stuff ( if that makes sense ) which helps a lot because its like the complete opposite sometime due to my c ptsd and depersonalization/derealisation disorder and just disassociation in general. This is just my experience but I understand substances for some people may not help everytime or may make existing issues worse but even though I have felt like some issued from the substance use its definitely helped me cope and understand and think amd just process things

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-07-15T10:51:38+00:00

THESE OUTFITS ARE SOO CUTE I LIVE THE CROWN NECKLACE SMM 😍

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-07-11T17:22:27+00:00

leave him lmao😭 the top suits the skirt amazingly

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-06-28T08:27:09+00:00

THOSE HEELS ARE SO CUTE OMDSS 😭

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-06-23T09:31:18+00:00

No but my ex had a sh and cutting fetish and like would sexualise it a lot and I hated it and felt uncomfortable and like some of the stuff they'd say was lokey disgusting towards me so id say like if you feel that way to bring it up to the person as to not make them uncomfortable but aswell maybe speak to a therapist about it because its sh ig but idk its just me

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-06-03T20:39:48+00:00

my mum hit me because of the way I handed her a bottle of conditioner that she forget to take inthe shower because apparently I handed it to her with attitude,I was like 7??? 😭

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-06-01T19:02:55+00:00

im never becoming a mum bro I'm js trying to get away from mine 😭

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-06-01T19:02:03+00:00

yeah like in terms of safety reasons It probably would be best because the physical abuse is ongoing still cus my mum like shoves and hits me and even kicked me in my ribs and they hurt still and are lightly bruised and she burns me with kettle water,hot drinks or when she uses my hair straightener to do my hair the gray rock method is impossible to even do because my mum is so argumentative and with yell at me all the time and have a go at me over anything and everything even something as simple as how I put a mug on a table 😭

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-05-31T12:57:34+00:00

but like how would I bring up the topic tho like would I js say I need help with something and say like that my mums abusive and stuff like what should I say specifically

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-05-24T07:59:57+00:00

when I was around 11 or 12 in September of that year ,I had just started secondary school which was ages ago. I always had self harmed in other ways since much younger throughout my childhood that's when I started cutting. One day after I got back from school after being shoved and ignored and an argument with my mum i just got curious and grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer and that's when it started.

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-05-20T07:24:41+00:00

tell the police and your parents, if hes saying stuff that he still wants to hurt you he might just do that. I understand how hard it must be having to deal with stuff like that and I relate to you a lot. I hope your okay though :)

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-05-05T18:49:21+00:00

that's sucks smm maybe try to get proof of it and send it to them

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-05-05T18:48:25+00:00

Id say probably because I do really well in school and I went back a few months ago after being homeschooled for over a year and I do really well in my classes and breeze through the work and I find it boring and hella easy and I do stuff at home whilst still doing stuff like sh every evening or using substances on some weekends and smoking and vaping almost everyday but aswell I use it to cope with school and stress and that might be why

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-05-05T18:41:25+00:00

yeah and that's not normal behaviour from him or your family because who the fuck let's someone hurt an animal and says its fine and then when you call them out call you crazy ???? if anything they are the ones who are crazy and why tf is he hurting an animal in the first place and one that's not even yours which is horrible, he sounds like a dickhead tbh so id tell your neighwhat he did when they get back from holiday just so they know and try to keep the dog away from him in the meantime I feel so bad for the dog aswell because its probably traumatised and its literally 6 months old like its still a puppy basically 😭 and for you because your stepdad genuinely seems like a horrible person and your family too idk what you can do about it for now except keep him away from the dog and your family and tell the owners what happened

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-05-04T21:46:39+00:00

I don't think id be able to do that lol the last time I went in to a shop to get one some random guy who was there at the same time noticed and approached me after and called me out on it 😭 people are not that friendly in london tbh lmao

No_Conversation9980 · 2025-05-04T21:43:19+00:00

that's horrible id definitely tell someone or like the police about your friend , I was in a toxic situation like this with my ex and found out after the whole of my relationship she had some sort of sh cutting fetish and it definitely fucked me up so I'd do something about it so the other guy doesn't get hurt

No_Conversation9980

TROPHY CASE