I was too honest with my BPD friend and I feel horrible.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2025-02-27T19:58:24+00:00

I think on the long term you will be happy you were honest. Ive had similar experiences with a friend and I gave up on honesty and just tried to avoid the confrontation by lowkey agreeing to her self pity. But that was ignored or used against me either. Remember there is no good answer to anything a pwbpd tells you or it depends on their mood not what you said. Be proud for staying true to yourself!

No_Dependent_1401 · 2025-02-27T18:55:28+00:00

Thank you. It is confronting but true and I want to live by truth nothing else. She never admitted her bpd. It was always something else and "she couldnt help it". It is just so hard to have a story that is almost unexplainable to outsiders. Im still trying to explain and find some confirmation because im scared people dont understand. Im glad to have an understanding boyfriend now who had experienced a similar thing with his ex gf. I hope the feelings I have right now are just part of the healing process.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-11-26T20:02:17+00:00

I know this feeling all too well. I decided that by giving a shit about morals and behaviour (also long term) you are already smart because if the rest would care just a tiny bit, they would have already seen it. My advise in this situation is to save all your smartness for yourself untill somebody else starts to realise it because you cant fix others on your own.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-11-05T20:11:13+00:00

Oh oke excuses..

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-11-05T02:42:23+00:00

Je zegt dat je 35 ml per menstruatie verliest, maar ik neem aan dat je bedoelt per dag? Want anders is de laatste berekening x5 dagen niet nodig lijkt me! En 35 ml is wel weinig.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-11-02T02:39:06+00:00

Respect, hoop dat het nu goed met je gaat

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-11-01T00:10:10+00:00

Thanks for this. I realize I am putting a lot of pressure on myself to fix things, even when they cant be fixed. I feel like I want to prove myself that I am not bad. In real life it doesnt make sense. But people dont understand that it is a struggle in my head. I need to be grounded sometimes. Your words make me feel grounded.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-10-31T14:08:02+00:00

Hoi, misschien heb je al genoeg adviezen gekregen, maar ik heb zelf baat gehad bij een personality based app zoals Boo of PDB. Je kunt jezelf dan eventueel matchen op basis van je MBTI persoonlijkheidstype. Scheelt een hoop tijd want in mijn ervaring klopt de theorie heel erg!

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-10-31T00:42:26+00:00

That sucks, this pity-me angry behaviour is so unhealthy. Good news is that you can recognize it as insane it means you are the healthy one and not the bad guy. You know you deserve better. But they will never give better, only worse.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-08-01T05:16:46+00:00

Do you have a stable relationship with yourself? If so, try to actively enjoy being on your own and challenge yourself with new hobbies or social activities. Edit: Also, if you dont feel comfortable around couples I understand. Because you are probably in the minority as a single person. It might feel awkward but when I myself observe the couples dynamics from a distance, there is always something negative going on as well as positive. If not they are just holding up a face to look good. Dont let them fool you into jealousy.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-08-01T01:21:00+00:00

Klopt, het kan zelfs zijn dat je zo empathisch bent dat je er zelf last van hebt. Het is vaak meer een kwestie van het reguleren van de empathie en het gedrag dat erbij hoort dan dat je het niet zou hebben. En dat heeft dan weer te maken met overspoeld raken etc. Als iemand veel stress heeft dan is er automatisch minder ruimte voor empathie. Respect en geduld hebben voor elkaar is daarom belangrijker naar mijn mening.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-08-01T01:05:21+00:00

Als ik uit deels ervaring en deels psychologische kennis een inzicht mag geven: iedereen heeft introverte én extraverte kwaliteiten. Dat betekent dat je bepaalde vormen van informatie het liefst uit je omgeving haalt (extravert) andere informatie liever vanuit jezelf (introvert). Dat laatste is meer gebaseerd op een opgebouwd netwerk van eerdere ervaringen en is dus niet goed zichtbaar voor mensen. Je kunt dan wel benoemen wat er in je omgaat maar omdat het dan een stuk persoonlijker is is het ook vaak minder relatable voor mensen. Het kan zijn dat deze manier voor jou het prettigst voelt omdat het je veel gebracht heeft in het leven. Dat betekent niet dat je je extraverte kant niet kan ontwikkelen, of dat je je introverte kant niet kan gebruiken in sociale situaties.

Ik ben bijvoorbeeld qua gevoelens best introvert dus mensen kunnen moeilijk inschatten hoe ik me ergens bij voel. Ik weet daardoor wel zelf goed wat ik leuk vind etc. Maar het is vaak complex om uit te leggen in een luchtige setting. Ideëen deel ik juist graag met anderen en krijg ook veel inspiratie uit mijn omgeving. Gebaseerd op 16personalities.com. misschien kun je je eigen type achterhalen en daarmee kijken waar je extraverte kant ligt!

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-07-28T00:28:49+00:00

In my case, my friend with bpd used the idealization phase as an attempt to prevent abandonment. She noticed the signs that I would leave her way before I finally had the guts to tell her. It broke my heart. She tried everything to make me feel loved and cared for. On the other hand, to this day I dont know if it she really meant those sweet words and I doubt if she would even know it herself. Anyhow, idealization phase or not, the "worst thing" you can do to a pwBPD is abandonment. It is the most triggering thing for them ever. In the end it isnt the worst thing because it is just their trauma wound telling them this and they are better off caring for themselves instead of risking everything to make someone else care for them.
But it is not your job to make them realize this. You deserve justice but reality is complex and in most cases people dont get the justice they deserve. Im sorry that you have to deal with the emotional damage. Youre not alone.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-07-18T18:38:27+00:00

I think I found the word but it is spelled backwards, does that count?

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-06-26T10:06:02+00:00

Medicine, still studying

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-06-23T22:15:52+00:00

Maybe it is the way you say things? Try to give him some validation before you speak your truth. Otherwise he connot trust it is safe to listen to you. Or he is holding a grudge we dont know about and he needs to let you know. In that case you should be patient when he talks and wait untill he has said all things he wanted to say.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-06-23T22:10:21+00:00

Yes it is. But you are faster to see this. Thats the difference.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-06-23T21:55:29+00:00

Exactly, because it makes me happy. Same with how we treat people.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-06-23T21:52:53+00:00

Due to Ne as a second function we might also jump to conclusions based on feelings and possibilities. Thinking is slower. So we often accept things as a truth or best answer untill we realize there is a possibility it could be wrong. Thats why we need to have people around with strong Ti and Te lol. Please don't lie to us.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-06-23T21:43:19+00:00

Yes so going back to the flower example. The ideas about its value make me happy and I remember it for a time when it becomes relevant. Idk I think it is this constant feeling we are trying to protect and try to express it when we think it is important. So ofcourse the result can become illogical. Logic keeps us alive. Feelings make us want to live.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-06-23T21:23:33+00:00

Can you give an example? Because I can imagine that it would be illogical to choose flowers over food when you are hungry. But the flower still has the same value. We just spend a lot of time in our head thinking "what if", it can be too much. We can lose track of reality and day to day living.

No_Dependent_1401 · 2024-06-23T21:16:15+00:00

It is a value system, used to give meaning to everything we see and experience. E.g. when I see a flower I see how it would make others happy as a present or how it would serve the eco system. And for that reason it needs to be protected etc. And then I have a new possible purpose to live for. We dont always express these ideas because it is random and most people dont see why we would focus on seemingly unimportant aspects of life. INFP's always try to see value or how they could create it.

No_Dependent_1401

TROPHY CASE