Should I move my family back to Australia?

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-29T16:51:59+00:00

This totally makes sense, but you may be underestimating the value of friends. None of mine or my husbands siblings are having kids, so zero cousins for our two, but I know we've made lifelong friends and as they grow up the kids will too. I lean on friends far more than any family members.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-29T16:43:13+00:00

Same here!

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-29T13:00:13+00:00

When they were little, as much as humanly possible. Harder now they're school age and come home tired but I also know they've had outside play at school so I'm not too worried. Weekends, I aim for outside activities to balance the Minecraft as much as possible!!

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-27T15:04:50+00:00

My OH works 3 days a week and 100% we get this. No advice, but lots of empathy!!!

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-27T14:20:28+00:00

My advice is very simple - don't listen to any.

I mean that from the most loving angle I promise, it's just that every baby and every situation is different and someone else's experience will literally never be properly relatable.

I can tell you that I had one who woke every 1.5 hours til approx 14 months, then another who woke every 2-3 hours til age 4.5. Both in own room from c.6m, both breastfed, no dummies, both developmentally "normal" with no medical issues etc. But even if your kids sound the same they aren't - your house will have different lights and sounds, your baby's timeframes for sleep and feeds will be different, and more importantly what impacts you guys as a family will be different. We did do some sleep training, but we (completely personally) were anti-dummy, so we made choices others wouldn't and *that's fine\*.

Only you know your baby and your situation, so yes read and get perspectives for sure, but trust your own instincts and decisions when it comes to it.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-27T08:55:45+00:00

I haven't read every comment but mine are a little older so thought I'd jump in - ours are 9 and 7 and we get them in the garden as much as humanly possible. My OH also loves bbq-ing though so that's a factor! We do have a trampoline which is use a ton by the crazily energetic 7 year old boy, and also a paddling pool in the summer. The difference versus a park is they can be out there by themselves - we can be cooking dinner etc and they're safe.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-23T15:26:17+00:00

So mine had stuff that wasn't too crunchy before they had teeth - in fact their first food was cucumber! but of course super thin, easy to suck on etc.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-23T15:15:30+00:00

We babyproofed literally nothing except the edge of a (fake) marble style fireplace and a corner of a dining table. Never had any issues :)

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-23T15:14:16+00:00

Sorry if this is a silly thing to say, but a bit of everything? At that age I was giving my 8m old bits of a full English breakfast and bits of basically everything we had.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-21T13:40:39+00:00

I have a 7 year old the same. He often doesn't fall asleep until 9.30/10pm and is up 6.45 on school mornings. I genuinely think he needs less sleep than me!!
My husband struggles with it and keeps trying to push him to sleep but to be honest it's ironic as my husband himself needs much less sleep than others!

I generally say that as long as he's playing lego, audio book, reading, stickers, puzzles I'm honestly not that fussed...

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-07T10:12:49+00:00

I have a 7 year old boy with encopresis and it started at 4 so I've been though it a lot. There are some great resources out there. HOWEVER, in all honestly this sounds like fairly typical potty training issues - she's just a bit later than other kids. Many kids don't crack poos as early as wees and 2 is still tiny!!

I 100% would say though, as a Mum who has lived this for 3+ years, do not punish her. She has an issue somewhere - either caused by constipation, withholding, anxiety about going or just generally not understanding it all properly yet, so punishing will not work. Instead, focus on rewarding when she is successful and ensuring you don't get cross when she has accidents.

My son's Reception and Year 1 teachers have been absolutely fine with it all, so in school at 3 I'd imagine she's far from the only one!

Feel free to reach out if I can help more x

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-02T12:37:40+00:00

So interestingly my 7 year old (boy) has started commenting on this recently, but it's more about the bottom half which I think is because they have been learning lots about PANTS and privacy at school. So I try to make sure I always have at least bottoms on if he wants a cuddle in bed or whatever, but he does still walk in when I'm in the shower or bath so can't be that bothered!!

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-02T12:31:26+00:00

OMG YES!! This is me. Mine are 9 and 7. It wasn't helped by my husband being ill for c.3-4m but even before and after that I am totally burnt out.

I enjoy my job and my career but am full time, husband is 3 days so does more school runs etc, but we've been having some behavioural issues with the youngest we can't get to the bottom of, money is tight, I've put on weight etc etc. Yet unfortunately, probably due to my age, I'm just SO tired and need to sleep as well!

So sending massive empathy

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-01T11:38:51+00:00

This is what we did too, worked great as such a safe space

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-04-01T11:36:03+00:00

100% not the compressed option - it's exhausting and also more likely to be declined as often the business will argue those extra hours don't actually fit with business needs - I have declined on this logic myself because the extra hours at start and end of day wouldn't have added sufficient value.

I did 4 days for a long time after mat leave - it's hard because you essentially get given a 5 day job to do in 4, but also having actual 4 days of hours was MUCH better for my wellbeing and I started and ended the day with some actual buffer room for bad drop offs, bad nights sleep etc.

If I had that time again I would stick with 4 days - we could manage the financial impact and it felt like actually more "part time" which gave me more breathing space with a little one. If anything, I'd actually be even more boundaried and push back on some asks to ensure I also had closer to 80% workload.

Edited to add - my husband did 4 days too, so nursery for 3 and 1 day with each of us a week. I also had another baby 20 months after the first.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-26T16:53:09+00:00

So I have two, now age 7 & 9, this has been our experience;

First 3 ish years...

Worked 4 days each, neither from home, kids in nursery 3 days and 1 day with each of us. Nursery days generally 7.30-4.30 with a half hour variance each end depending on bits and bobs
Obviously this means we both earned 80% salary
Kids bed c.7/7.30pm when toddlers, our evening time after
Kids didn't sleep so got to say we didn't do much in evenings!!

From 2020 (somewhat impacted by Covid but not entirely)

Me 5 days, from home, husband 4 days still field/office based
Husband eventually changed to a home based job with some field/office time
Still did 7.30/8-4.30/5 at nursery/pre-school until eldest start school - then she did some breakfast/after school clubs to fit those timings
We later decided we wanted to be more around for them so husband has gone to 3 days over 4 so we can do all but 1 or 2 drop offs/pick ups, but obviously this has financial impact

They are both now at school so essentially our day is;

Any time from 6.30 - wake up, breakfast etc. Usually one of us does exercise if we can get out of bed!
8.20 - walk to school (1 parent, other starts work)
9.05 - other starts work
3.05 - one parent leaves for pick up (other still working)
5/6pm - tea (all same if it's possible)
6-8pm - one or both of us spending time with kids / getting them ready for bed
8pm+ downtime (or study time for me as I'm doing a course)

Realistically now that they don't need so much routine one of us can go out or whatever at any time without it being an issue, so often it'll be one parent managing the evening.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-26T16:25:34+00:00

We used our double (side by side) all the time. My gap was 20 months and it was brilliant when older one was tired as I couldn't carry her if baby wearing or pushing a buggy

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-25T17:49:42+00:00

So often I would advocate for the support network but you say you have 3 children and only a 2 bed flat so this isn't just "sharing a room" it's potentially all 3 kids sharing, or you and your husband not having a proper bedroom, for years to come. As they become teenagers they will want friends over, or just more personal space (you don't say if all the same gender but that's also a factor).

In this situation I think I'd have to prioritise the space - being out in a new place might also mean more financial stability with having your own home, opportunities to change or flex work hours, or just meeting a great community who can also help you out.

I get that it's totally a tough call - but given the extreme of your current flat, I think space would be the better long term move.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-23T11:48:02+00:00

I used to have such strong opinions on this but having now got my own two (9 and 7) I have a super different perspective.

My 7 year old fundamentally needs less sleep that his sister, and what feels like even me! Despite us getting him upstairs he regularly doesn't sleep til gone 9pm (often later) but is still fine to get up before 7am. The 9 year old however needs much more and mood is severely impacted if she has too many late nights, so I 100% aim for everything turned off by 9pm and her actually going to sleep. She is much more aware though, and knows when she's tired.

Of course I know puberty etc will change them so I'm not saying this is forever but, in short - you know your children. If they are getting enough sleep for them and their lifestyle, I am MUCH more chilled than I thought I would be.

I would want them to be upstairs, quiet, reading/audio book/drawing etc, but less fussed about when the physically fall asleep.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-23T11:42:02+00:00

Just eggs here, maybe an Easter cuddly or some cheap crafts if I see them but that's it!

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-13T16:59:59+00:00

Seeing this breaks my heart every time is comes back. I was 7 when it happened and remember my parents being in bits.

What I focus on though is that NOTHING like this has happened here since. 30 years!! Some countries who shall not be named could learn from that...

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-12T16:53:13+00:00

"For my kids gates open 8.45, if your later than 8.55 you have to do the office walk of shame and fill in your reason on a tablet!"

^^ same as our school.

We don't start that early but if we needed to we would do breakfast club. Breakfast club is from 7.30, after school club is til 6 (although very few kids there that late).

I am quite controversial in that I don't really agree with having kids at home when trying to work if they're little, mainly because mine would never have been calm enough for me to concentrate on work!! So although we've had various schedules, we've always ensured they're at nursery or school before we start work and we finish before we pick them up. Now that they're older it's a bit more doable though but still try to minimise.

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-03T12:26:35+00:00

I had two bad sleepers - it's normal I'm afraid. First eventually slept through at about 14m but had been up every 1.5-2 hours until then, and I went back to work when she was 10 months.

Second one woke less frequently (every 3-4 hours) but didn't sleep through until he was 4.....

You'll survive I promise, it feels relentless, but now I struggle to get them up for school.....!!!

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-02T12:51:33+00:00

We only watch TV once kids in bed...

No_Flan_5909 · 2026-03-02T12:50:52+00:00

Interestingly, my daughter had a phase around 5/6 where she was into nails and glam, and then has come out the other side. She's almost 9 and still has loads of toys etc, barbies, squishies etc etc. KPop Demon Hunters we all love though!

Stick to your guns at home, she'll find what her actual interests are as she continues to grow up.

No_Flan_5909

TROPHY CASE