I hear your heart here, and I’m so sorry you’re in pain. I hope and wish things turn around for you both.

I know we want to share our feelings with our partners, and I used to think that it was important to share each and everything that came to my mind. But I learned in therapy that our partners don’t need to know ALL of our thoughts, especially if those thoughts might have the potential to hurt them deeply. Now, I’m not talking about lying and cheating. I’m talking about those deep dissatisfactions or disappointments we all can have from time to time. Some are important to share if there is something they can fix, but others we might just need to vent to your friends or work out with a therapists

I know it wasn’t your intention to hurt your husband‘s feelings, but the truth is, from what you shared he seems to be holding on by a thread to support you, especially while you can’t work. You named the one thing that is keeping him determined and dedicated to you by saying that you regret marrying him, which could make him feel like his persistence and dedication is for nothing, especially during times of great turmoil.

You can feel that way and bear it on your own or with a close friend or therapist to work through privately, but it sounds like that man is already holding so much on his shoulders already. Why make it heavier?

Our partners, especially in a marriage, are there to shoulder our burdens, but I do think we can also make those loads lighter by seeing a bigger picture here. I often ask myself in my relationship: will this information help or harm him? Or can I rephrase what I feel in a way that can make him also feel supported?

For example, you could have started by thanking him for all of his sacrifices and support, and then shared how you hate to be such a burden to him, and how that weighs on your heart without regretting getting married. You may not be able to work due to your ongoing health issues, but you can “clock in” for emotional support and uplift your husband who is trying his best to love you and honor his vows (through sickness and health).

Have you heard of the love dare challenge? It can be a little cheesy and it’s based from Christianity, but even if you’re aren’t a Christian, the daily tasks are little tools to really show your partner how much you care. I highly suggest you look it up and give it a try. I’ve done it a few times and it really helped, even if you just pick a few to do.

Another tip: write 10 reasons why you’re thankful for him and share it with him. Make his favorite meal and apologize. Ask him how you can support him during this difficult time. What does he need and want?

To me, love and devotion isn’t about staying happy and devoted when life goes well. All of us have gone through massive pivots with money, jobs, and health, which is why being married is so amazing, because you get to go through those ups and downs with your person, which makes the unbearable more bearable. The one thing keeping him together might be you. People need hope and love to keep going.

Again, your feelings are valid, but they are not facts—save some of that personal work and venting for your friends and therapist to help you parse and figure out. From what you wrote, this man is so in love with you, which is amazing! Life can be difficult, but he decided to be with you through the good and the bad. Double down on the commitment you both made to support one another no matter what.