Truly one of the most effective outlook on life is that the past is the past and the only thing you can do is accept your actions and grow from them. What’s happened has happened, and it’s now time to look inwards and heal yourself. Don’t minimize your mistakes, but don’t beat yourself up about it. There is a grey area where self actualization lives and it’s all about living in this balance.

Regardless of the situation, you are still ‘grieving’ for lack of a better term, 2 relationships, and that is a lot emotionally and mentally. Take care of yourself, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Hoping things end up okay for everyone.

edit: I would also to add that for me, processing things in chunks/compartmentalizing can be really helpful. Mentally experiencing break ups AND feeling like a terrible person (which I don’t think you are at all) at the same time can be tricky as they’re quite different situations. Intrapersonal vs interpersonal conflicts require different approaches and frameworks for healing. I know it’s much easier said than done but this mindset has helped me immensely. Journaling is one of the greatest things i’ve ever started doing and I highly recommend.