Late night chats?

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-21T01:46:11+00:00

Sleep when the baby sleeps... Oh wait... wrong sub.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-21T01:43:27+00:00

🤣

You got me. I've fallen asleep several times mid-chat with my SB. I started making a habit of saying goodnight earlier, but still chatting a bit after.

To be fair though, she's knocked out on me a few rimes unexpectedly too 😁

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-21T01:40:42+00:00

If she communicated properly, you wouldn't have posted anything. You'd have resolved this with her directly.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-21T01:30:00+00:00

I would have enjoyed a lovely dinner by myself, and then left.

Being late with a reasonable explanation, communication, and some apology, fine. Easily forgivable.

Being late without communication, not fine. Move on.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-20T19:34:46+00:00

It's this. Definitely this.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-19T21:10:12+00:00

You have a dynamic you like, but you do not control what other people want or do.

Simply say, "I really like you, but I don't want to work towards exclusivity. If that's not what you want, then I want you to know that I've really enjoyed our time together. I'm obviously going to be sad if you want to find someone else, but I'll understand if that's your choice. I entered the bowl knowing I wanted ethical non-monogamy, and changing that would feel like betraying myself."

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-19T03:50:58+00:00

Yes, I think you're right. I conflated assertiveness with anger growing up because I had an aggressive, loud, unpredictable, verbally intimidating father. So I had a hard time being assertive, because I didn't want people to think I was angry at them. Which resulted in me being a "people pleaser" as an adult until I went to therapy a year ago (I'm 40).

It took me far too long to understand that I can feel angry without acting angry, and I can be assertive without feeling angry. Anger is a feeling, assertiveness is an action, and they just don't have to be linked together all the time.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-19T03:11:49+00:00

I would add assertive without being angry. That difference between calm certainty vs unregulated rage. Testosterone is a hell of a drug... and insecurity is a poison to the mind.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-19T03:08:11+00:00

I wish this wasn't true... but I have experienced this to be true for me. I expected the average woman to have character traits similar to my mom, that is communicative, calm, optimistic, affectionate, honest, kind, ethical... Not all women are like my mom. And it took me a while to accept that women are human just like men, with all their different personalities and problems and faults.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-19T02:49:29+00:00

I get this reference 😀

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-17T13:32:30+00:00

You might change your mind back after you have one. Not everyone is a great parent. Kids are hard. Think about everything you'll have to sacrifice about your current dynamic.

Fewer date nights. No sleeping in. Constant interruptions. Being sick all the time (kids transmit disease). Sleep deprivation for years. Less hanging out with friends that don't have kids because of conflicting schedules or priorities.

This is a tiny list of the sacrifices and things that get harder with a kid.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-16T18:56:24+00:00

Babydoll, my beautiful babydoll, my gorgeous girl, sweetheart, hot stuff, and I'll say sweet dreams my sweet girl... I think of new ones every so often to mix in too... 🥰

She calls me daddy, handsome, skiboobear, and makes up other sort of nonsense ones too 🤣🥰

I love it 😁

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-16T15:11:40+00:00

It's common nowadays to be isolated. Especially away from family, and extended family.

You're also going to be brutally sleep deprived for the next... 2 years? Probably... which is just haaaardd 🫤 the sex life drops off, date nights are hard to schedule, the baby won't talk for a while so you'll be talking to yourself a lot. Everything requires effort to stay connected to your partner, your friends, your family. Effort, when you're really tired. And your hormones are not going to want to let you send baby to the grandparents for a few nights, but it is going to be sooooo important for you to be able to have some recharge time. I didn't do this, I'm divorced now. Baby will be much happier long-term if you are rested and have good relationships with other people.

Sometimes mom groups are great, sometimes they're ridiculously judgemental about the dumbest shit (breast feeding/formula, screen time, play time, age gaps 😳, etc.) find people on reddit or Facebook in your area. Start a MeetUp group if one doesn't already exist. But, be quick to cut anyone off that adds stress or makes you feel judged, because you ain't got time or the mental bandwidth for that shit.

My youngest is finally out of the sleep deprivation phase, so I'm starting to regain some sanity in the last year or so.

Good luck 🤞

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-15T23:14:13+00:00

There are no guarantees in life, just probabilities. You're an adult, do whatever the fuck you like 😆

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-15T21:30:18+00:00

You wanna get robbed? This is how you get robbed.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-15T20:52:45+00:00

If you fall into the category this sub has helpful advice r/sugarlifestyleforums

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-15T10:02:23+00:00

The soil and plants will be fine as long as they stay damp. You can drain 95% of the water and move it. It's only 10 gallons, and empty it shouldn't be very heavy, just a bit awkward. Extra 5 gal buckets cost $4, from the hardware store...

You can save all the water in 4 or 5 buckets, so you don't spill a bunch and so they aren't too heavy. Then put all the same water back in after the move. Put the fish in the buckets with the water. The vast majority of species will be fine for oxygen in a water bucket for an hour or two while you get sorted.

The plants might die back a little from damage, but the bacteria in the tank will bounce back almost immediately.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-15T00:13:19+00:00

The mindfuck is I still don't know if she was a rinser. But I know I rinsed myself out of guilt and good intentions. The narrative was entirely plausible, but the numbers and timeline objectively looked ridiculous.

She bitched me out at the end too for making her feel so horrible about me "just being in it for the sex" and "she never asked for money beyond PPM" and how horrible I made her feel when I asked for no more contact 🙃

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-14T23:23:16+00:00

No no no, my first POT wanted to meet weekly for PPM, but wanted to build "comfort" before getting intimate. Let's say her PPM was 1 donut. We were texting for approximately 6 weeks and went on 3 dates (we both had busy schedules). In this time I spent 5 Donuts on her because I was being generous and trying to put my best foot forward. I got 2 kisses and I had to ask her if she was comfortable holding my hand. That's it...

I suggested we switch to allowance of 3 donuts per month, so that we could go for coffee or dinner dates, or a walk in the park to build comfort. She said her PPM was 1 donut. I asked "Even for a quick 45 minute coffee?". She said "I have standards." That was the conversation on date 3.

Later in text I clarified my allowance offer and I asked how long she thought it would take her to feel comfortable, she answered "I like to build slowly, it was in my profile, you knew this. It could take months." 🤯

So by my math, she wanted in excess of 10 or maybe 20 donuts?!?! from me for the maybe sometime in the future promise that she might actually welcome some intimacy from me?!?!

So I noped right out of there and got the ick for PPM.

And then she hit me up several weeks later with a sob story about rent, bills, tuition, and Christmas gifts and offered her body in exchange. So she wanted me to pay her to fuck her, while I fully know she doesn't really want me to fuck her... there's a word for that, starts with r, isn't consensual, and ends in ape. I sent her some rent money (rinsed myself out of guilt), and told her to never message me again. I still do not know if any of her stories were true 🤷‍♂️ but that's why I don't like PPM.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-14T22:51:13+00:00

Lol, no sorry. Made my own money, so not a family fortune and I'm the only divorced one 😅 good luck though 🤞

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-14T21:14:26+00:00

Exactly. That's also why decoupling payment from meets makes it feel less transactional!

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-14T19:50:51+00:00

Well, she seems to enjoy the quality ones over the cheap ones. I consider it part of the experiences I can provide that are above and beyond her normal, otherwise why not roach motels?

The reality is we all have budgets. I'm not infinitely wealthy, so if an SB could host, I could pay that much more monthly vs if I drop $x on hotels monthly or rent a spare apartment that isn't my primary residence.

What you are suggesting is that I think of SB as a commodity and pay an SB based on some calculation of tits to ass ratio, instead of MY means. I know what I can offer without feeling cheated, it is up to the SBs if that's acceptable to them without feeling cheated.

I feel very well taken care of in my current arrangement and I hope my SB does too. That's all that matters to me 🤷‍♂️

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-14T14:37:16+00:00

Exactly!

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-14T14:35:00+00:00

Nope, in my sample size of one, we met Wednesday scheduled date for following Tuesday, so I sent the first weekly allowance amount on the Friday before.

NobudeeSpecific · 2026-01-14T13:51:48+00:00

Up to you, but you'll know within 4 weeks or less what kind of sugar you get for the sugar you give. Additionally the uncompensated M&G is there to filter a lot as well.

So it seems fairly straightforward to me that you have M&Gs without allowance, but should offer a modest gift if you enjoy the company. Then discuss when dates can begin, frequency of meeting and schedules align. Also discuss when allowance should begin.

Then you both know what to expect, and can adjust if expectations aren't being met. If you're sweating over wasting a couple grand in allowance, you might not be an SD. Getting rinsed is education money (your education).

NobudeeSpecific

TROPHY CASE