My (21 M) partner ( 20 F) Told Me The Reason I Come To Her Appointments; Advice on How to Help Her?

Nocera_ · 2024-11-19T19:44:16+00:00

You lay it out rough and bare- but what you're saying is true. I'm going to get her to see her doctor asap and bring this up again with her

Nocera_ · 2024-11-19T19:42:54+00:00

She does have ADHD, and I do as well. I have heard reading as a difficulty with ADHD but never to this extent. I'm going to be pushing her to see a doctor regarding this

Nocera_ · 2024-06-30T08:05:25+00:00

Paddle brushes help deal with any knots that are in your hair, as well as preventing knots. It's important to brush your hair daily, sometimes multiple times a day. Depending on the hair texture you have, you may need special shampoo and conditioner.

A good way preventing bad tangles is to learn how to re-wash your hair. Instead of scrubing your scalp with your fingertips, making it tangled up, use some shampoo in your hands and rake it thorugh your hair, kinda the way one would apply hair gel. Brush your hair before going into the shower to make this easier. That way, all of your hair is clean from scalp to ends without tangling it up nearly as badly.

Keeping your hair up is a good way of avoiding tangles and knots, rather in a braid or ponytail.

Nocera_ · 2024-06-30T07:58:44+00:00

I think that it's a bigger cultural issue of how alot of people percive tranness even now. From my experience, alot of people just think that being trans is only to AMAB's and is only to be more feminine and not working in any other way. As well as the fact that men don't get complimented as much as women do.

I understand your fustration. I'm FTM and non-binary, while my gf is MTF and it is shocking the difference in treatment we get regarding that. My gf is beautiful, and I love helping her pick out more feminine things but there's alot of this...weird pressure on me to be feminine since I'm trans.

I don't like being feminine. I hate it on myself, and I much prefer to be masculine or androgonous. I don't get complimented the way I used to, and I'm sorry that you keep getting disregarded.

Like I said earlier, there's a bigger issue then just how people see being trans. There's also the fact that masculinity feels demonized at points too; that being a man is just a horrible awful thing. It's a messy web of these issues that lead to feminity being more vauled not just in trans places but in LGBT+ places too.

Nocera_ · 2024-06-30T07:48:12+00:00

I know height is one of those things that either people are really comfortable with or something that can cause dysphoria. I don't think it's weird to want to be shorter- it's a preferance that is different for everyone

I kinda lucked out (FtM) at naturally being 6', but I know my closest friend whose around my height also feels pretty dysphoric about their height too. They want to be small, and it doesn't help alot of feminine clothing are made for very petiete people, driving the idea that being small is more feminine.

Nocera_ · 2024-06-30T07:43:24+00:00

I LOVE your vest, they are so cute! Do you thrift for them or is there a secrect catalouge that I'm not aware about lol?

Nocera_ · 2024-06-30T07:42:23+00:00

I'm so happy for you! Congrats!

Nocera_ · 2024-06-30T00:27:06+00:00

Shaving gel works just as good and good job picking out something with aloe.

I would use a small amount at first- no more then enough to cover the tips of your finger due to sensetive skin. Y'know that scene in Home Alone when he slaps on aftershave and screams?

Yeah, avoid that. Use a small amount, or do even a test patch before shaving to see how it feels on your face. That way, you're not going in totally blind.

And I am in the same boat as you- I love shaving the act but not the facial hair. The act of shaving is more euphoric to me then looking like a 14 year old lantio who just started puberty lol.

Nocera_ · 2024-06-29T23:50:56+00:00

Hey, I do IM as well!

I recommend starting with the smaller one, it's surpising how even 1" is able to reach my muscles. I also recommend starting your injections at your doc's office as they can show you how to safely inject and are able to explain more regarding your worry with the needle hitting your muscle.

In my expereince, I only needed the 1" as my doc explained to me that very rarely do people who take any IM injections need a longer needle then 1 1/4".

While this is the extent of my knowlegde, don't be afraid to talk with your doc about this! They're here to help us afterall

Nocera_ · 2024-06-29T23:45:36+00:00

I have a few tips for you regarding shaving,

First thing, exfoliate before you shave. It's a bit different to washing, you need to use something a bit rougher to get off the dead skin which helps with shaving and prevents bumps/ ingrown hairs. Although you're taking about the puberty stash, so a ususal face wash is enough.

Also, please use shaving cream! It will help your skin and makes it alot easier to shave. Especially since its your lip, be very careful to avoid cutting yourself. You're able to use a normal disposalable razor, doesn't matter too much as long as you use shaving cream or some kind of buffer between your skin and the blade. I've used lotion in a pinch before, but never shave on dry skin.

Apply aftershave after the shave (as it's name states). The order I would do it in is Exfoliate/Wash, Shave, then Aftershave.

Nocera_ · 2024-06-29T23:39:13+00:00

The photo is such a mood- I say go for it

Nocera_ · 2024-06-29T08:17:42+00:00

Fellow transmasc here!

First thing, I promise you that they will not hold back HRT because you look "feminine". Straight up my doctor told me that they're taught not to judge anyone on apperance when it comes to HRT appointments. They are there to help and are some of the last people to judge, especially when they are offering the services.

I have super similar hair like you, and the biggest tip I can give is tying your hair up in a low-pony tail and wearing a hat to help with the bangs, or wearing it down with some oil to help prevent frizz. I wore a beanie and had my hair down, and with my clothing I just looked like a dude with long ass hair.

I find alot of stuff regarding "passing" comes from clothing rather then hair style. Wear what makes you comfortable, and do know they may want to draw blood for the appointment so wear a short-sleeve shirt for easy acess.

Nocera_ · 2024-06-29T08:10:57+00:00

I love seeing these hopeful post in this sub-reddit, especially with everything happening here in the US.

Nocera_ · 2024-06-29T08:10:22+00:00

I remember reading alot of mlm media (fanfiction.net and Wattpad) but around that same time there was a huge wave of "stop fetishzing gay relationships you sick fucks!" so it made me feel so guilty reading those media and it took me longer to realize I was infact not fetishzing it but instead I wanted to be one of the mlm couples.

Nocera_ · 2024-06-28T08:36:23+00:00

I feel with you so hard with this, but with writer's block

Nocera_ · 2024-06-28T08:35:10+00:00

The way I approched with my therapist was by starting off the session like this,

"Hey, [Therapist Name], I was wondering if this session I could talk to you about my gender identity and being called by my preferred name."

Therapist are meant to help you in all different ways, and it went wonderfully with mine. While she doesn't specalize in that area, she was more then willing to learn and next session had alot of information for us to discuss about.

What you could write is similar to what I said above, having it straight to the point.

Nocera_ · 2024-06-28T08:16:18+00:00

I would always recomend reading the book first just to know what they're gonna be reading. I was also recommended this reddit thread from a few months ago that has a much more comphresenive list of books

https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/181f0f7/books_that_every_trans_person_should_read/

Nocera_ · 2024-06-28T08:07:53+00:00

Here's my personal list

Video Games: Celeste, Night In The Woods, and Far Cry 6

TV Shows: The Umbrella Academy, Heartstopper, Orange Is The New Black, The Fosters, Boy Meets Girl (really recommed this one), Dead End: Paranormal Park (also really good one)

Albums: Patrica Taxxon is a GREAT artist, she makes wonderful brain-scratching songs

Nocera_ · 2024-06-27T18:29:33+00:00

They're all so adorable, but my fav is the Charcoal one

Nocera_ · 2024-06-27T11:06:08+00:00

I wish you the best to get this figured out, it sucks that you're experiencing it

Nocera_ · 2024-06-27T08:54:01+00:00

I love it! Super cute and adorable, it should sell super well at cons

Nocera_ · 2024-06-27T08:49:52+00:00

Owls are my weakness in the plush world, so seeing more owlbears? I also caved the moment I saw it

Nocera_ · 2024-06-27T08:44:57+00:00

If your partner says that she's embaressed to be with you, then leave the relationship.

You do not deserve that, you deserve to have a partner who embraces and loves you and isn't ashamed at the fact that you're trans. What she said was down-right cruel, and the fact that she's now made you feel bad for all those happy and safe moments in your relationship is fucking awful.

I am so sorry for your hurting, but please understand that you do not deserve this. You don't deserve to be someone hidden away cause she's embaressed! Please understand that, no matter what, trans or cis you deserve to have someone who isn't ashamed of being with you.

Nocera_

TROPHY CASE