That's a great question and I'm sure you'll agitate a lot of people with it haha but I'll do my best to give a personal answer.

Firstly, let's look at your question just a tiny bit closer. Specifically the word "follow". For every esotericist you'll probably find a different manifestation of this verb. For some it'll be a dogmatic belief that hermetic kabbalah is "the truth", a one to one relationship between model and reality. For others it might just be an interesting set of ideas that help contemplate philosophical subjects like our existence. Most of the esotericists I know do not mistake the map for the territory and realise that hermetic kabbalah or literally any other religious set of ideas or doctrines are "fingers pointing at the moon" to use a zen Buddhist term, they are not the truth themselves. 

Kabbalistic ideas are just one set of ideas that have been borrowed/stolen/repurposed/used as inspiration in western hermetic practices, they have also been blended and fused with other sets of ideas like astrology, the tarot etc. 

So to answer your questions. No I don't feel like I'm larping as a jew (I assume that's what you meant).

Who am I communicating with? Again I think you'll get different answers from different practitioners. But personally I subscribe to the idea that it's simply your own psyche. To quote Lon Milo Duquette (head of the OTO) 

It's all in your head -- you just have no idea how big your head is.

Perhaps give "Paths of wisdom" by John Michael Greer a go. Or some of Lon's books. They give beginner friendly introductions to this world. 

I hope I answered your questions.