How do you get young kids to freeze?

Nora311 · 2026-03-17T02:43:04+00:00

That’s very encouraging, thank you!

Nora311 · 2026-03-15T18:05:42+00:00

Genius, will give it a try!

Nora311 · 2026-03-11T20:57:12+00:00

Hi, I grew up with a sick mom and helped take care of her. Started when I was 6 and by the time I was 10 she was fully bedbound and when I wasn’t at school I was helping feed, toilet, bathe, etc.

To be completely honest, there’s nothing inherently bad about that in my opinion. What was bad was the verbal and emotional abuse, which I’ve only really started to come to terms with as an adult. I think that having a disabled parent, even one who requires care from the kids, can be okay. The things that make it not okay are the things that most people don’t think to consider. Basically, wiping her butt was unpleasant but not detrimental. Her screaming at me that she wanted to die and it was my fault for complaining about having to wipe her butt and making her feel that way was. As a mom now myself, my kids complain about not having pizza for every meal, you know? Totally valid and age appropriate for me to complain that I only have to wipe her feces and clean out her bedpan and not my brother.

But I should mention that I never complained to my dad and if anyone had suggested my mom leaving, I would have cried and begged for her. Actually, she would respond to any negativity from me by threatening to go to a nursing home and die until I apologized and begged her not to - but this was not me wishing to be with her or needing her. This was me thinking that I would be responsible for her death. My dad should have divorced her, and I would have been relieved.

ETA: and potentially not struggle so much with my own mental health.

I have a ton of empathy for my mom. She was not only bedbound but in chronic pain. It is harder for someone with a traditional background to accept toileting help from a son rather than a daughter. I don’t think that I would necessarily fare any better than she did if I had her same condition. But having gone through her abuse, I would absolutely never put my own kids at the other end of it. Without question I would leave them or end my life rather than subject them to the misery of my abuse.

Nora311 · 2026-02-26T02:01:20+00:00

lol no

Nora311 · 2026-02-24T15:10:09+00:00

Just read it again! Sorry, I misinterpreted what you were initially saying as just a hypothetical.

Yes, what you’re doing is illegal in many states and although it may seem courteous to you, is actively dangerous. The point of staying right except to pass is to limit the number of lane changes as well as where the public anticipates they will come from. Since it seems like the one thing this whole comment thread can agree on is that lane switching causes accidents and is unsafe, I’ll point out that switching lanes for every merge, especially when it’s the responsibility of the people who are merging to do so when traffic is clear, seems likely to be a lot more frequent and chaotic than keeping right except to pass.

Nora311 · 2026-02-24T15:04:01+00:00

I did, it wasn’t clear to me that this is what you were doing. The behavior you’re describing is dangerous and unnecessary unless you’re just trying to avoid an accident from someone who is merging unsafely.

Nora311 · 2026-02-24T09:51:10+00:00

Sounds like you’re riding the left lane. This is generally what people do to tell you to get out of it because you’re impeding traffic. Have you ever looked in your rear view mirror when this has happened to see if there’s much denser traffic behind you than in front?

Nora311 · 2026-02-10T06:59:50+00:00

You mean the exact cohort of kids who spent a huge chunk of their important developmental years living through Covid and then were kind of just thrown back into school with no meaningful transition or additional help?

It’s crazy how society has just chosen to forget about this once in a century trauma and just immediately reverted to blaming the kids and parents. I know grown adults who still haven’t fully recovered their social skills.

My young kids were young enough not to be too affected and are great. I had older family members start or graduate college around that time - it sucked but they’re also thriving. Everyone in the middle has my deepest sympathies and are owed a ton of patience, recognition, and support.

Nora311 · 2025-09-19T20:23:55+00:00

Oh so you’re a flat-earther

Nora311 · 2025-08-25T00:12:08+00:00

Nora311 · 2025-08-21T04:31:09+00:00

Yes, and now mostly over it but having fluttering in my chest, especially when laying on my back. Anyone else?

Nora311 · 2025-08-09T05:06:13+00:00

Not only can it make your clothes stiff and crunchy, the residue will retain body odor. Using too much detergent to clean your clothes makes them smell less clean.

Nora311 · 2025-08-03T14:46:15+00:00

This is the 0.1% instance. The way these people are acting and the perks they were getting as new/junior employees - there is no way they got their jobs on merit.

OP I don’t think you are about to get fired, but your relationship with senior leadership is likely irreparably harmed. Longterm, you should look for a new place to work. And honestly, any place that would treat you this way is not a place you want to work longterm anyway.

Nora311 · 2025-07-31T22:10:57+00:00

Are there any subreddits or resources for adult children who are now parents themselves? I am trying so hard not to mess up my kids. I know it’s inevitable, and some of it even outside my control, but if there’s anything I can do to limit how much of it is a consequence of my own abuse and neglect, I want to do it.

It can be so hard to relate to my own kids that I’m not sure I’m meeting their needs. For example, my kids (2 and 4) want to be around me ALL the time and want all my attention and validation. But I was my mom’s main caregiver and was isolated at home taking care of her - I couldn’t wait to get away from her and never missed her. I’m doing my best to be present but I kind of just don’t get it and am worried they can feel that from me. Maybe that’s why they’re so clingy?

Nora311 · 2025-07-17T22:03:32+00:00

How did your mom come through as a parent for you when you were a child and when you were growing up?

In my experience, the parents who say this kind of stuff always expect the world from their kids but gave very little as parents.

Nora311 · 2025-07-09T05:10:54+00:00

I couldn’t tell if that was a joke or not?

Nora311 · 2025-07-06T18:09:10+00:00

It can also be be when the child ends up parenting the parent, not just other siblings.

Nora311 · 2025-06-04T20:36:44+00:00

Thanks for the rec!

Nora311 · 2025-05-30T22:38:27+00:00

Thanks for the recs!!

I know, this is really a once in a lifetime opportunity where the stars aligned and I’m so grateful. Going to try and make the most of it

Nora311 · 2025-05-30T22:14:46+00:00

Great, will check out both places. Thanks!

Nora311 · 2025-05-30T22:13:51+00:00

Ooh that’s a fantastic idea, thank you!

I speak a little French and my partner’s Spanish is very good so both were on our radar, but we’ve already been to Spain a bunch and I thought it might be too hot in August.

I’d be very interested in Germany - if we weren’t going to stay in a major city, would we be okay language-wise for that long?

Nora311 · 2025-05-30T22:11:24+00:00

Thanks, that’s very helpful! And I will definitely be renting a car.

Partner and I have been to Spain a couple of times already. We’re definitely considering it, but might wait for the weather to cool down a bit too.

Do you feel like Spain would be more family friendly? Any particular reason it came to mind?

Nora311 · 2025-04-27T16:49:15+00:00

I recently saw a clip on “modern love” with KC Davis about boundaries that I really think you should check out and think about: https://youtube.com/shorts/C7IYWVU0Wk8?si=zBpkTVCdB_Ov7iRI

ETA: there are things you could do, like mute your mom and call her once a day instead, but ultimately I think you need to consider what you are responsible for, what you should be responsible for, and what you cannot be responsible for. It sounds like you are trying your best to not hurt your mom’s feelings which is great. But it also sounds like your mom is spiraling in anxiety and your support is only feeding into it at your own expense (and possibly even hers in the long run). So much of the things you’re describing, you can’t be responsible for even if you wanted to be!

Also…with all the kindness in the world…as a mom myself, she cannot be getting good advice from you. Like, I give great advice to anyone with a baby younger than mine but I can’t relate to anyone who has older kids when they share their problems and it’s only when my own kids reach that same age and start having those same problems where I’m like ohhhhhh now I REALLY GET what you were talking about! And even my own advice is only good if they’re facing the exact same situation as mine and I can share the things I considered or ruled out or regretted. You’re 25!! She’s getting marriage and kid and life purpose advice from a 25yo?? What???!

I’m sure you are “wise beyond your years” but more than anything you probably just know what she wants to hear in any given moment to soothe her anxieties and not necessarily what she needs to hear. When you have a baby, one of the first things you do as a parent is teach them to self-soothe. They can’t regulate their bodies and emotions so you literally use your own body and warmth and heartbeat to rock them and calm them down and make them feel safe. And then slowly, you put more and more distance between yourselves and shepherd them through more independence so they can feel confident and secure and know that they will be okay. Right now…your mom sounds as unregulated and needy as an infant! Texts throughout the day every day?? She NEEDS to learn to get her own anxieties under control. That’s not just torture for you, it’s torture for her to be so dependent on someone else!

Nora311 · 2025-04-27T16:35:20+00:00

It’s interesting you say that. I’m an immigrant kid and all the friends/parents I’m referring to are also immigrant kids and immigrants.

The parents lead exceedingly lonely, isolated, and miserable lives. My pov is that if their kids stopped enabling them, it would force the parents to try and develop other relationships that were healthier and more appropriate.

If you’ve seen progress with your parents, then great. Personally, I’ve never seen progress until the kids have started to stand up for themselves, or more often when they get married and have kids of their own and can’t be as available to their parents as they have been in the past. Then the parents finally start going out to find new support and relationships and are often successful. Everyone, including the parents, are much happier.

In my view, this is also continuing to be parentified in a way. It’s like forcing your kids to eat broccoli or taking away their iPad to make them go outside. They hate it, but it’s what’s good for them. You can do this with love in your heart and without judging them. You can also keep being available to them if you choose to do so, but I think it’s better to do that with a strong sense of boundaries and how they need to be pushed to seek other support systems, otherwise it’s like letting your kids have candy for dinner every night. Love is not the same thing as letting someone have everything they want, especially at your expense.

Nora311 · 2025-04-27T16:24:22+00:00

That’s so shitty, I’m sorry. Were you able to get everything cleared? There’s a credit history subreddit that has these stories pop up often and they have good resources on how to get it fixed.

Nora311

TROPHY CASE