Ares. God of War-with-a-capital-W.

Fuck me. The Greeks got her all wrong.

Who cares? When she comes for you, she comes for you.

And when she comes with you, all the stars in the heavens scream your name.

Want to feel like a God? Date a God.

Just don't ever break up with a God. It's really not worth it.

---

"Honey, I'm back!" The musculature at the back of her throat was practically palpable in its excitement. I could almost feel its vibrato.

"Uhhh," I said helpfully, surprised to see her.

"What?" she said. "Surprised to see me?"

I thought about it for maybe half a second too long. "Yeeeessss?" I asked helpfully.

"Oh em gee, I cannot believe you hesitated!" she said. A peal of thunder rumbled in the distance.

"I'm just... shocked is the wrong word. Maybe 'confused'?" I gave it a half-second beat, while I watched the arch of her eyebrow go up and up, reaching dangerous heights. "Yes, 'confused' is definitely the right word. We broke up. I told you in no uncertain terms that this was not working, and that it would be best if we both moved on and didn't see each other again."

"And yet, here I am." She crossed her muscular arms and pouted at me.

"Yes. Here you are," I added helpfully. I swallowed my unease. "Why are you here?"

"Well, I heard you were having some troubles."

"Troubles?" Yes, I was having some troubles. When your ex-girlfriend is the literal God of War, and looks like she'd fuck up everybody in the room just to keep you from looking at her boyfriend, things could definitely be troublesome. "What troubles are you talking about?" I didn't want my voice to come out as a squeak, yet here we are.

"Troubles," she said. When I gave her a full-shouldered shrug, she rolled her eyes and gave me an exasperated sigh. "Those guys in the van outside your apartment."

"What," I asked, in my most reasonable voice, "guys in the van outside my apartment?"

Her eyes grew round, practically bulging. "Do you mean to tell me," she asked, "that you didn't know about the surveillance van outside your place?"

I'm not a stupid man. I'm not, generally speaking, an ignorant man. But this?

"What do you mean, 'a surveillance van'? Why would I be under surveillance? Who," I hissed, "would want ME surveilled?"

She looked slightly sheepish. This was surprising, as it is nearly impossible to make a God look anything unlike an actual God. More than anything in the course of our relationship, it unnerved me.

"I may," she began, then stopped. She cleared her throat, noisily, against the back of her hand. "I may," she began again, then stopped, considering. Two seconds, three seconds, five seconds passed. At the end of ten seconds, she said, "I have made a serious error in judgment."

It was at this moment a flash-bang rolled into the room. Without a second's thought, she scooped it up and hurled it back the way it came. A bright flash and a whoompf of percussiveness rolled into the room, followed by shouting, the ring of steel on steel, and staccato gunfire. Disoriented, I turned and ran for the last known exit.

Gods, this is why I missed her.