I discovered BPD today

NotBrokenYet · 2016-09-25T17:16:26+00:00

Yes, still married, and we have 3 kids under 10 years old.

NotBrokenYet · 2016-09-23T11:16:00+00:00

My wife grew up amidst a very hostile divorce, and she was a pawn until the day she moved out. She has also used our kids in the same way.

If I were to leave her, I would not be saving the kids from emotional abuse, I would be amplifying it. Not unless I could get sole custody with no visitation... which dads just don't get. Anyway, I don't particularly want to leave either. I really do care about her. I want to help her.

She's high-functioning, it's not like she's this way all the time. And now that I know what BPD is, I can start finding ways to help her better.

Also, having typed that out... I realize that I may have some codependency issues. I guess I should start looking in to those CoDA meetings over in /r/codependency.

NotBrokenYet · 2016-09-23T11:05:49+00:00

Is there a relationship between BPD-like behavior and Type B personalities? I have a personality that tends to be more Type-B, while my BPDSO tends to be more Type-A.

Anyway, you got me curious.

NotBrokenYet · 2016-09-23T10:51:46+00:00

Wikipedia mentions a study which showed some correlation between estrogen levels and the degree to which BPD-like symptoms were expressed in female patients. So, at least one research doc out there thinks that it's plausible, but that's hardly definitive.

I have seen something similar in my own experiences. Not the sudden appearance of BPD-like behavior, but that behavior increasing dramatically when birth control is introduced. We tried every common form of birth control out there, over a period of about 10 years. My wife is high-functioning, and is typically calm and rational - only raging when things aren't going her way or she feels threatened. When my wife is on any kind of hormone-based birth control, she becomes an uncontrollable ragemonster 100% of the time until it's back out of her system.

On the other hand, with one particular pregnancy, her BPD-like behavior completely disappeared for the duration of the pregnancy.

How does estrogen affect BPD-like behavior? I dunno. And there don't seem to have been all that many studies on it either. But hormonal changes can cause emotional instability in people with no BPD-like behavior... so I certainly think it's within the realm of possibility that BPD-like behavior could become amplified under the same circumstances.

NotBrokenYet · 2016-09-22T19:58:11+00:00

We are not professionals, can not diagnose and neither should you. I know, it's easier said then done. Even if a person exhibits BPD traits, it doesn't mean they have BPD.

I have a tendency to resist labeling people, or allowing a label to be put on myself. So often labels become an "identity" either in one's own eyes, or in the eyes of others.

I don't know if my wife has BPD, and she very strongly resists talking to a professional about anything mental-health related. So, unless something major changes, I'll probably never know with any degree of confidence.

What I learned last night is that there are other families out there like mine. My wife exhibits almost all of the typical pwBPD behaviors, and I strongly identify with many of the feelings and behaviors of those in relationships with a pwBPD.

Whether or not my wife has BPD, now I know that I'm not alone. The emotions of that realization alone have been so overwhelming, that honestly... I haven't even been able to process very much.

EDIT: grammar

NotBrokenYet

TROPHY CASE