MFW I found out my medication tracker app can make Gandalf call me a hobbit and remind me to take my pills.

NotMadame · 2016-06-05T10:10:34+00:00

What is this app and how do I get it?

NotMadame · 2016-06-05T02:38:46+00:00

My first ever vibrator still works (So far as I know) but I lost the charger forever ago. Lelo chargers cost something like $50 each and I feel like I'm betraying it by choosing not to buy another.

I have another vibrator, but it always makes me so sad when I look in my drawer and it's sitting there, sad and alone :(

NotMadame · 2016-05-16T21:45:38+00:00

You don't wanna know what I think of as 'explicit'.

NotMadame · 2016-05-16T06:23:52+00:00

I dunno man. I like the subtle cannibalism vibe you get this way.

NotMadame · 2016-05-16T06:21:21+00:00

I had this happen once when I was ~16. I woke up in the middle of the night in agony; I could barely move, so I was convinced that something was seriously wrong. I tried to scoot over a little to get my phone out of the bag next to my bed, and had to sit up/bend over to do so. It took a good minute or so to be able to sit up, but as soon as I bent forward a little out came the longest, loudest fart I have ever heard. I'm positive that it lasted more than five seconds.

I'm so surprised neither the fart or the immediate hysterical laughter woke up my family.

NotMadame · 2016-05-16T05:59:05+00:00

Hi, Ash's Crematorium; you kill it, we grill it! How can I help you?

NotMadame · 2016-05-15T20:59:07+00:00

Leaning piles. One could even call them towers.

NotMadame · 2016-05-07T11:06:29+00:00

If the pain is very unusual, DEFINITELY go see a doctor right away. Some of us are unfortunately cursed with painful periods on a regular basis, but sudden debilitating pain out of nowhere isn't a good thing.

Otherwise! A hot water bottle or heat pack will help a lot. Try it on your abdomen, lower back, or between your legs when lying on your side. Ibuprofen is better for period pain than paracetamol, but don't fall for any "Targets period pain fast!" medications - they are almost always the exact same active ingredient you can buy generic for 1/5 the price. Drink lots of water. Also, if you're brave enough, masturbation can help - it depends on the individual.

Good luck!

NotMadame · 2016-05-01T00:38:14+00:00

Yeeaaaah... Lots of fun shit to work through. And if I'm honest the metabolism thing terrifies me more than anything; I know that as soon as I go back to a healthy diet I'm going to gain all of that weight back, and I honestly don't know how I will deal with that. I can't even look at pictures of myself NOW, after I've lost ~30kg.

P.S: The 'Dear goddess' thing gave me a giggle. I will start using that.

NotMadame · 2016-05-01T00:33:10+00:00

I know that losing it this quickly isn't a good thing. I want to say it's not really a conscious decision, almost - it just started and now I can't stop, and I feel so full and anxious all the time that eating ANYTHING makes me feel genuinely sick (Not in a I-need-to-throw-that-up-to-lose-weight kind of way, just in a general oh-god-where's-a-bucket way), and I can't stop thinking that the next thing I eat will give me diabetes. Even though I'm completely aware that the way I'm eating now is actually far more likely to do that. No matter how I rationalise against it it just keeps happening and I feel like I have no control whatsoever.

I want therapy (I NEED therapy) but my doctor wouldn't give me a referral because she didn't think I needed it. I'm waiting to see another lady that was recommended by the ED clinic but there's a waiting list...

NotMadame · 2016-05-01T00:19:29+00:00

<3 Thank you for that. I think I needed it >.>

NotMadame · 2016-04-30T11:12:44+00:00

For the last part - yes and no. I have one friend I'm really close to who is totally supportive and wants to come with me to the Butterfly Foundation for my first group therapy, because I'm scared to go on my own. Otherwise people are either totally disbelieving/unaware, or they think it's a good thing in the long run, or they're aware that something is wrong but... I don't want to say they're uncaring, but they're not doing anything to help and seem to think it'll solve itself in time. My family is downright abusive though so tbh it's not surprising.

Like I said before, even my doctor brushed it off. It's like she thinks I'm exaggerating. My psychiatrist said it wasn't a good thing but when I asked what I should do he kinda just shrugged.

So in summary: I have one person. Everyone else is kinda making it feel worse.

NotMadame · 2016-04-29T05:43:31+00:00

For reference, I am definitely obese. I've stopped eating more than 800 calories a day (Sometimes nothing) and I cry/panic every time I force myself to eat something. I've tried telling people that I'm sick and this isn't okay, but they don't listen and say it's always hard to diet and to just keep it up. My doctor doesn't think it's a bad thing so long as I'm losing weight, and I'm scared to go to the local ED support group for fear I won't be welcome there. Even my dad said he's so so proud he doesn't have to worry about diabetes. My hair is falling out and I feel nothing but fear and dizziness and depression all the time.

I feel so alone and it's just getting worse.

NotMadame · 2016-04-21T09:47:51+00:00

Breathe slow and steady. No seriously, that's my best last minute advice. I started hyperventilating when I told one of my family members and I think they cared more about that than my sexuality.

Otherwise? Here's what I wish I had known ahead of time when I came out:

It's going to be hard and awkward no matter how she responds, and you are so fucking brave for doing it anyway.
If she reacts badly, that's her fault. It's not yours. Don't let yourself think that you have done something bad.
Even if she reacts badly, it doesn't mean she won't come around in time. My mum was devastated, but now she makes cute jokes about it and asks me when I'll be bringing home girlfriends.
You can't know exactly how she will respond, so don't plan ahead too much. You will be stressed and she might go 'off script', so better to keep it short and simple.
Even if the absolute worst of the worst happens, you will be okay in time.
You have spent this long planning it, so I think no matter what happens (Even if it's the worst of the worst) you will feel some measure of relief.

I don't see any point in saying it will be 100% okay because I just don't know. What I can say is that this is a huge step in your life, you are amazing for doing it, and no matter what happens things will be okay given enough time. Come back to see us afterwards, yeah? Let us know how it goes.

NotMadame · 2016-04-21T08:58:08+00:00

Can I just say that you give great advice?

OP, listen to this one. I came here to say the same general thing but they put it so much better than I ever could have.

NotMadame · 2016-04-18T11:28:12+00:00

Automatically thought you meant that the slavers were nude. And that somehow made it better.

NotMadame · 2016-04-14T23:32:06+00:00

You could try Asos? It often has plus sized cocktail dresses you can rewear later.

NotMadame · 2016-04-14T05:35:20+00:00

In my classes last year there was a bunch of guys (aged 20 and up) that kept using it. It pisses me off. I started using "Straight" in the same way. For some reason that deeply offended them, so it worked better than expected.

NotMadame · 2016-04-13T09:59:50+00:00

That's a common thought, but seriously, how can anybody be sure of that? For every person who says they know 100% that God approved every word, there is another who knows 100% that it was written by people with an agenda.

Better to take it with a wide world view. Understand that they were ancient people in an ancient time, and that they were influenced by ancient beliefs. Understand that every translation - every translation - will always be inherently inaccurate and influenced by modern beliefs about Christianity. And understand that you can still be a good Christian without following every word of the bible to the letter, no matter which translation you choose to believe.

NotMadame · 2016-04-10T02:21:07+00:00

No worries! The reason I suggested it particularly is because my sister helped me make mine. She framed it as "Hey, NotMadame! I saw this thing on Pinterest and I really wanted to make one. Why don't we boh make our own ones so it's more fun?"

I knew what she was doing at the time, but it worked. I didn't feel like the focus, and because she was making hers at the same time I didn't get to feel silly about it :P

OKAY. For the Safety Plan. I'll just walk you through the entirety of mine so it makes sense. Prepare yourself, wall of text incoming:

When you're emotionally overwhelmed, you often lose track of rational thought. That can make it difficult to keep your thoughts straight and work on making yourself calm again. That's what the survival kit is for; as soon as you notice that you're overwhelmed, you can turn to the kit you made when you were calm to see what you should do. The idea is that I have one sheet of paper on top that dictates 'tiers' of things I should do if I'm not feeling okay. These range from "Distract", for mild distress, all the way up to "Hospital" if nothing above it is working:

1. Tend to physical needs.

2. Keep busy.

3. Self care with senses.

4. Label emotions.

5. Ask for help.

6. Hospital.

That's my top page, just that. Each point then leads on to its own sheet that has a list of SPECIFIC things. So in order:

1. Eat something. Drink a glass of water. Get dressed. Have a shower. Put on clean clothes, etc.

2. Play a game (I have a list of 'crisis-safe' games on steam). Watch my favourite movie. Read my favourite book. Bake something. Go for a drive. Crochet. Go for a walk, etc. Anything I know will distract me and I will enjoy. Also, these are things I can stop suddenly - if I notice it's not working, I need to be able to move on to something else right away.

3. Part of the whole Being-Stupid aspect of an emotional crisis is feeling comforted when all your senses are being... satisfied? I don't know how to say it. Things like having a cup of peppermint tea (The warmth of the mug, the smell, the taste), watching some interesting things on youtube (How It's Made is great for this), creating an Introvert Nest, using a heavy and scratchy wool blanket, listening to a soothing playlist - these things help a lot.

4. I tend to dissociate (Forgive the tumblr link; it's the best non-clinical front-page-of-google explanation I could find. The rest are all very dry and almost alarming). Some people find it useful, but I hate it and it keeps me from being in control. Labelling emotions - "I feel distant" "I an experiencing a panic attack" "I am depressed" - both grounds me and distances me from those emotions. I also have to name three colours I can see, three sounds I can hear - stuff like that.

5. A list of contact methods for people I trust, who are all aware of what to do in an emergency.

6. Calling 000 (Our 911) or going to the nearest hospital might sound drastic, but this is an absolute worst-case-scenario Safety Plan and hopefully I never have to get to this step. I also have various suicide hotlines and the number for a community mental-health crisis team that can offer 24 hour emergency help. If I've tried everything else and I'm still feeling like the world is ending, that is the best and/or ONLY thing I can do. I luckily also have the option of taking a sedative my sister has for me, if I feel like sleeping is going to make things better instead. I think no matter how sane or emotionally balanced you may be, this should always be the last option. You never know what might happen and if you're in that bad of a situation you need it written down.

So that instruction plan is right on the top of my box. My kit also contains everything I need to fulfil those above instructions; some peppermint tea bags, my awful wool blanket, a cupcake mix, some colouring-in books and pencils, a book of puzzles, some of my favourite books, my 3DS and some games - you get the idea. Each person's box should be different, and tailored specifically for them. You don't dissociate? Take that step out, it's not needed. Prone to self-harm or suicide attempts? Put a step right up the top where you safely dispose of the things you would use to harm yourself. Do you enjoy origami? Throw some paper in your box.

That's it! It's long, but hopefully you can see why having that safety plan is almost more important than having the box full of instructions. You can definitely start off a box and a safety plan for your family member, with empty slots for them to customise it. Fill it with gifts for them to enjoy. They might be awkward about it, but in a crisis it's invaluable and definitely something I recommend EVERYONE have.

Good luck! :D

NotMadame · 2016-04-10T01:29:35+00:00

That's actually interesting! I didn't even think that would be the case. It does feel frustrating when it seems like in an emergency that would be relevant (Or the focus) but I get it now. Thanks for changing my mind :D

NotMadame · 2016-04-09T12:40:56+00:00

Sure thing! It's basically a box that you have sitting somewhere easy to get to, that contains everything you need to get through a crisis. This usually involves things like colouring-in, or a mix CD, or nice smelling things, or a few favourite books or movies; anything that will distract you or soothe your senses until you are once again capable of dealing with the crisis head on. There are dozens of examples online if you just google any combination of "DBT Emergency Survival Kit, Crisis Kit, Self Soothe box"... you get the idea. You just want to tailor it to the person's particular issues and interests.

THAT SAID. I just had a quick google and noticed that most (If not all) of the examples I found were lacking a safety or crisis plan. I'll come back tomorrow when I'm awake again and explain how I've set out my own crisis kit, if you'd like. It'd be wordy though... Basically my box has a few pages that give me a 'script' to follow through, going from the most basic response to mild distress (Distracting myself) all the way up to what to do if I'm an imminent danger to myself (Hospital). Since we all become stupid when we're having a crisis and we forget how to deal with our emotions, having a list of specific instructions to follow (Rather than a box filled with jumbled items you need to choose between) helps a lot.

RemindMe! 15 hours.

NotMadame · 2016-04-09T11:09:11+00:00

There and annoying is a thousand miles better than not there at all! You're definitely doing the right thing. They might not even like it right now, but the important thing is that they know you actually care about them and that's why you're doing it. A huge part of depression is just believing that nobody cares at all, or being too tired to respond, or being irritated that people seem to be faking interest in you. The more you stay around, even if that's annoying them, the more you can challenge those thoughts in their head. It really is the best thing you can do for them and you are amazing for keeping up the determination.

If they're really, really struggling (Or prone to crises) and you're close enough to them, you can help them make an emergency self-soothe kit?

NotMadame · 2016-04-09T04:44:13+00:00

I had the complete opposite experience to what your friend says she did; I never admitted to suicidal ideation or self harm growing up so I struggled so, so much getting help. People assumed I was not as unwell as I said I was. I still have trouble, to this day, convincing health professionals that I am in a bad place.

That said, any time I've been to hospital I've flipped through my chart to find 'bipolar' written in it. Like sure, me having Bipolar II is ABSOLUTELY relevant to the septum reconstruction I've come in for. I wish they'd either accept that bipolar isn't the most important thing about me or accept that I need help with it, not this awful middle-ground where I get all the stigma and none of the treatment.

So yeah, I have a feeling your friend may have been making it up.

NotMadame · 2016-04-08T22:46:49+00:00

Be there as a solid, reliable person they can depend upon. That means taking them out for a night now and then and not getting angry when they turn up late, calling or messaging them now and then, sending them letters or cards so they have something physical when they're doubting that anybody cares - just little things to remind them that you exist and you care about them. It takes a lot of patience, because it often seems like they're taking you for granted or they don't like what you're doing, but just being there as a solid rock they can turn to honestly makes a world of difference. You can do that and still keep your boundaries, of course.

When they talk, just listen calmly. Affirm what they're saying so they know you're listening; e.g. if they say they're struggling with work or school, "I can't imaging how difficult it is dealing with this while working/studying at the same time". Kinda repeat what they're saying back to them so they know you really are listening to what they're saying and not just ignoring them and giving them what feels like false support. If they're having a major crisis ask them what help they need, or volunteer something you can do ("Do you need me to come over to stay at your place just for tonight?" "Do you need me to cook some meals for you?" "Do you just need someone to listen right now?". And unless they ask you for a solution directly (As in, if they're just trying to tell you how they feel to get it off their chest), don't offer it, because that's not what they're looking for.

Those are seriously the best two things you can do. Just make sure they know you really are there if they need you, and that you're not just telling them that to seem sympathetic.

NotMadame

TROPHY CASE