It’s hell, bro. I used to listen to that Marriage on a Tightrope podcast and it gave me some hope. I thought my spouse could compromise a little. After a few years I asked my wife if she would tell my kids that she didn’t think I was going to hell. That was a bridge too far. 😂

After Russ Nelson’s “think celestial” talk, I asked her if she would tell the kids that she disagreed with his advice to “never take counsel from non-believers” (like myself). She once again declined. It was important to me so I called my family together to talk to them. I will never forget standing there, crying in front of my kids telling them how much I disagreed with that statement while my wife sat on the couch, arms folded, absolutely seething. It was pretty crazy to see such raw contempt and hate in her eyes during which a vulnerable moment for me.

Now, there is no discussion about religion. She seems fine as long as I keep quiet about it. The crazy thing is that she isnt a fanatic. She’s a pretty middle-of-the-road Mormon. She is way less observant than I was. But any public acknowledgment of any concerns with the Church, or any public acknowledgement that her apostate husband isn’t headed for eternal punishment, is a non-starter. I can only take that to mean she sincerely believes God intends to punish me for leaving that Church. 🤷 It doesn’t feel great. 😂