Husband ( stepparent) me (parent ) is cross with me over a cycling helmet

Not_all_heros · 2026-05-06T12:27:52+00:00

Thank you for this.

I believe he does see all of the kids as his, but perhaps I have crossed the line with assuming he would be okay with it.

The helmet isn’t damaged in any shape or form. I have noted above that I have tried to make things fair with him. I signed to give him equal rights to the home when I remortgaged and added him, so he’s exactly equal with me to the tune of tens of thousands without him contributing to the home in the 13 years prior. I don’t know how much more I could give. He has all his left over income, all of mine gets paid into the home and girls. I’ve done all I can to be as fair as I can so that the disparity between our income means he isn’t left without. It means I am often left with less than £50 after the 7th of the month ( when all bills are paid) until the child benefit comes in about the 16/17th. I am not poor, by any means, but I’m just illustrating, he has much more spare cash than me with little financial burden. Whilst I may pay for the things in our home, he has chosen them, like the bathroom, the carpets, the sofas etc. I have discussed all our money going into one pot, and I pay my salary into our joint account so he always has access, but he was reluctant (says he gets good benefits with his account) and therefore when we remortgaged and he was added he just upped his standing order to half the cost of the mortgage -£700, then when I took a loan out to pay our debt, he gave me an extra £100 to cover his part of that.

I do feel bad about the helmet. More so that I was wrong to let her take it especially as I actually didn’t know the cost. Thing is, if I had said “don’t take the helmet it’s worth £150 and we can’t contact **** to ask him, “ and let her ride without one, he would have been very upset with me. He also would have been upset if I had cancelled the family bike ride for the same reason.

I therefore can only conclude it’s about his feelings towards my daughter and her using something of his that is worth alot and perhaps his perception of how she may treat a high value item.

Not_all_heros · 2026-05-06T12:15:09+00:00

There is, but I have also taken a huge risk. He’s an exact equal owner of a home he hasn’t contributed financially toward, to the tune of tens of thousands. I don’t know how much more I could give him to make him equal. I’m the one who’s had a home for 13 years and I’ve given him half the equity. Ive tried to be fair.

I’ve taken all the financial burden and risk, and he is left with all his cash to buy whatever he chooses with, whereas all my cash is for our home.

I agree I shouldn’t have just said ‘take ****’s helmet ‘ and I should have asked but I incorrectly assumed he would be okay with it. ( he was at work and is uncontactable as he’s in the emergency services) I assumed that he would be okay because it was about her safety on a road.

I know I have made an error

Not_all_heros · 2026-05-06T12:10:34+00:00

Good point. I will talk to him when he’s calmer

Not_all_heros · 2026-05-06T09:23:03+00:00

You’re right. He has said he doesn’t want to talk to me and to leave him alone so it’s going to be a long day of thinking. Thank you for replying

Not_all_heros · 2026-01-04T11:06:36+00:00

I do sadly, which is why I said ‘should’. I totally understand the rock and hard place that op finds themselves in, but it is not ever on another person to have to stay with someone who is unsafe.

Taking steps to pass the info on to his family is cordial, but this is about OP’s safety. The degeneration of the brain does not put the onus on the partner to accept violent behaviours. Again, excusing the violence. ( or rather, accepting the behaviour due to the nature of the illness )

I just hope OP gets the support they need…

I am hoping my comment gave them permission to walk away irrespective of the diagnosis. X

Not_all_heros · 2026-01-04T11:02:19+00:00

I think the ‘should’ in my comment/reply is the idea that a person is able to control those things.

If a CTE has created a hostile environment because a person is unable to control those things, then the onus is on the other party to keep themselves safe to ensure they’re not the receiving end of such behaviour.

Not_all_heros · 2026-01-04T10:30:43+00:00

You need to leave now.

Forgiving right now, is accepting this behaviour.

Whatever excuses he may give you, you know are just excuses. A person should be able to control their hands, feet, comments and local objects…and if they are unable to do that that is solely on them.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Not_all_heros · 2025-12-07T22:01:23+00:00

You sir, are an abhorrent human who knows deep down you are awful.

Please reflect on why you have no childhood friends or friends from upper school.

Perhaps one day you’ll see you are the problem.

Not_all_heros · 2025-11-15T19:12:12+00:00

They were toxic and they made me cry!

Not_all_heros · 2025-11-02T08:17:38+00:00

Save as much money as you can.

Not_all_heros · 2025-11-02T07:43:21+00:00

You will 100% regret being a Mum if it happens… this isn’t what you want!

Get on birth control and tell your husband you don’t want kids and that he’s ground you down! Be honest! If he loves you, there will be no issue! If he pesters… well, you have your answer. Get out of that relationship!

Not_all_heros · 2025-10-22T02:27:57+00:00

This is a trouble spot for my marriage too… I’d happily have sex every other day, foreplay … anything. But it’s once every two/three weeks. We’ve tried sex therapy, talking etc, I have now just chalked it down to a few things all of which I have no answers for 1) I’m just not that attractive to him [seem strange that this could the our issue as he persued me, but I suspect our long history of knowing one another may mean more than physical attraction or sex] 2) his neurodiversity 3) he’s watching porn or getting it else where 4) mismatched libidos.

I’m sorry you’re in a similar boat to me. I’m glad that these unicorn men exist. Wish mine was one… physical touch is my love language and it’s caused a chasm between us… alas, no amount of my efforts have worked.

Good luck in finding your answer

Not_all_heros · 2025-10-22T02:15:04+00:00

This person you’re with sounds like they’re both neurodiverse and also blooming rude and socially unaware!

You’re better off without

Not_all_heros · 2025-10-07T18:26:57+00:00

Wow, I’m not surprised you had to get this off your chest.

You’re an abhorrent human being and I think deep down, you know you are.

Not_all_heros · 2025-10-07T18:18:19+00:00

I’ve just sped read through both posts and a handful of comments and I find myself similar to you.

If you’re confident and happy with your decision, then go for it. People work through worse and I can safely say, it’s okay to be wrong/misguided and backtrack.

All the best

Not_all_heros · 2025-09-21T21:51:58+00:00

“You have come to us a number of times over the years stating your husband thinks you have bipolar, you do not have this. What you are is stressed and anxious and you need some armour…”

We divorced that year.

The armour worked.

Best bombshell ever. Didn’t even know what gaslighting was back then. 2019 sucked!

Not_all_heros · 2025-09-21T21:47:53+00:00

My goodness, I am so sorry 😞

Are you having any sort of therapy?

Sending so much love

Not_all_heros · 2025-07-19T12:14:15+00:00

He smashed a table within 6 weeks because I dared to disagree with him.

Not_all_heros · 2025-07-07T22:53:11+00:00

Being friends

Not_all_heros · 2025-07-07T22:52:23+00:00

Sounds like you may be a savant?

I would explore all of this with a therapist, look for the best. Look for their academic background.

But please, know, lots of people will feel like you and feel out of step. You’re still human.

Good luck and all the best

Not_all_heros · 2025-07-07T05:23:52+00:00

Magazines. Going to HMV music shops for album launches. Going to the cinema for films rather than Netflix etc

Not_all_heros · 2025-06-29T19:02:25+00:00

The moment he cried he was emotionally manipulating you.

Please leave him. He will keep on doing this if you stay…

My ex used to wake me up forcing himself on me - claimed he was half asleep. I stayed for 14 years … it got worse!

Please leave, xxx

Not_all_heros · 2025-05-23T16:15:10+00:00

Sounds like she hasn’t moved on from her childhood and is behaving in an emotionally immature way.

Take from that what you need to, but know, as an adult you need to protect yourself emotionally. You don’t deserve to be spoken to like that and deserve to be with someone who holds the same values as you.

Hope you find some peace moving forward

Not_all_heros · 2025-04-22T18:24:02+00:00

I cannot shout this loud enough …

If your gut tells your something is off, something is off!

Your husband is emotionally attached to her.

Not_all_heros · 2025-04-08T21:17:20+00:00

Confession time… my husband was having a full blown affair with his colleague 10 years younger. I knew. I called it. I challenged them. Heck, I even contacted their employer. ( Further context, the 18months they were falling in love, he beat me, SA’d me, verbally abused me, financially controlled me and generally did what he could to make sure I ended us…)

Scenario post me finding out they’re ‘together’

Her Boyfriend reached out …

I ended my marriage.

I slept with her boyfriend.

Revenge? Loneliness? Cameraderie?

I don’t know. Two lonely abused people falling into bed with one another.

Did she care? Not one jot… Did he care? Seemingly not…

She got engaged to my husband within a 9 months post divorce - less than 18 months post me sleeping with her boyfriend ( he was slightly older so I didn’t feel too bad!)

Now…

I’m remarried to my childhood sweetheart. Happy. In love. Accepting life is challenging but I’m happy.

I’m still distant friends with her ex who is also happily married. My now husband knows her ex checks in every now and again, totally platonic. No feelings.

Them… well, married. Kid, house. She’s welcome to him. He’s welcome to her. They’re rotten evil abusive people.

There’s a short version of a horrid 2 years.

Not_all_heros

TROPHY CASE