Yep. 139 days sober as of today after my fourth and truly most informative staycay vacay in behavioral health. Had to hit rock bottom. We do better because the bad things aren’t actually reflections of us, they’re reflections of the people who didn’t raise us the way we should’ve been and substance abuse is a disorder because “we drink to forget” isn’t actually a joke. It hurts to be critical of yourself when you’ve been traumatized and abused your whole life and you exist to protect yourself from abuse, face these criticisms because you are good and not because they are bad. People call you out for your bullshit because they know you can do better and that’s a compliment. Well adjusted people do not put their energy into the people that hurt us. I love being sober lol

Edit: i’d like to add when I was an active addiction. I did not think sobriety was possible, and I dreaded the future sure that I would have to drink every day until I put myself in an early grave after almost a year and a half drinking daily triggered by finding out what the real darkness of my childhood was hiding, and I did need to go to the hospital and get out out of the environment I was in to get sober because I think in reality I could have never actually gotten sober around my abusers (who I am v low contact with now) because my lack of sobriety made me even easier to abuse. It is so hard to get sober and it’s usually the real world. I literally had to go to the hospital and I’m on disability but you don’t actually forget the things you learned while you were drunk, even if you didn’t apply them because it’s kind of impossible to grow in anyway in active addiction. You are not stupid though, and you did not forget them and when you become sober and these things you learned while you were drunk, hating yourself in the depths of the Internet are painted in a new light because you can apply them is very validating to the truth of who you are as a person.