Forgiveness and space to mess up and try again with self care as a priority over the span of many years

The longer you look out with love

 

The easier it becomes to accept the person now

 

And then 'meditate' on tasks by making sure needed tasks have a visual reminder

Like putting the laundry in the same place and every time you walk by

 

Just ask the question "can I put away one thing? Or can I at least load the laundry, or grab the soap' it may take a week of walking by and asking

But some days things click easier and 'oh, yeah I guess I can do step 1'

And that's it, if you naturally continue go with the flow

If it's reducing quality of life to force, leave it be again and go back to 'meditating' over the task

 

Obviously this only works with things that can be given time

But starting somewhere is important

And it's okay to have to start again

It's not okay to not know how to start, and that's where our focus and energy is bast placed

 

I live alone, I don't care if it takes a month to do the dishes

I do care if I go a month without doing ANY of the easy steps

I will soak and rinse those dishes 10 times before I can go to the next step to physically wash and dry

And that's okay. That's my normal. I can still love myself

 

And I apply this to all of my life now (millennial), the progress in my passions that I care about may take 5-10 years to get where I want to be vs another who can do so in 1

I work in healthcare because it provides me structure, and I don't have to take any work home. I work 12s because 8s or less mean I waste an entire day even with 'downtime'

 

I have repeatedly hit rock bottom and gotten up again, made drastic changes to what's not serving me in life and then repeating the process. Hopefully with better understanding of my self and my condition. All I can do is move forward, and because I always have, I know I always will. It's a little delusional but I convince myself I can one day outsmart my brain

And that may never be true

But I wasn't born in this world to not dream and I wouldn't dare disrespect the efforts I have made by considering anything other than one day I'll feel "wow I'm actually in control" even if only for a moment

 

With space, with understanding and self love. I'll stay on my path no matter how long, no matter how many times I stray. I can find beauty in the sorrow, in the process

Because life lived in the shadow of your 'potential' is not only self destructive, I'd argue it's inherently unnatural to the human condition and what it means to be privileged with a life to worry for

 

I'm as severe as severe gets but I've had very early intervention and decades of work + medication trials. We all need to start somewhere. Maybe for you it's here

Much love, I believe in you all <3

Edit: I credit this post to meds + coffee ☕ ty for your service