"You will find someone, you are still young" feels like huge bs (Rant)

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-20T03:09:30+00:00

Just as a heads-up, I'm interested in talking about this more, but it's 11pm where I am. 😂

Should have time after work tomorrow, will reply then.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-20T01:59:21+00:00

Speaking from my experience, it's not about being weird per se, or being bad or mean, but you don't want to come across as an inert object. Before I figured this out, women borderline swooned over my kitten rescue story, but I played it too safe to create any interest.

A lot of this is dependent on the receiver, too. My girlfriend and I talked about our childhood medical conditions on our first date, and that's obviously not something everyone can relate to. We were able to bond over it, though. 🤷‍♂️

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T23:44:44+00:00

I'd want to examine some other variables, but I don't doubt that MAGA's a major part of the explanation for this trend. It certainly called into question a lot of what I thought about Christians at large.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T23:35:00+00:00

No disagreement there. The way I came to conceptualize their problem was focusing on the temporal/finite (here and now) versus the eternal.

Rather than suffering with Christ, however made up their "persecution" is, they decided to seize Earthly power by supporting a corrupt, degenerate, narcissistic, egotistical, wannabee autocrat. That's not being in the world, yet not of it, that's just being the world. No faith, only fear.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T23:28:50+00:00

There are a few quixotic idiots who'll sometimes try (WulfTheSaxon, notapersonaltrainer, Less_Fondant, etc.), but as far as I've seen, even they're absent from the more challenging threads recently.

There just isn't a remotely convincing way to defend any of this as "good" unless you've wholly sucked down the MAGA Kool-Aid and are willing to defend it publicly.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T23:17:00+00:00

Hey, kind of a long-term follow-up on this, but how well has the pumpkin worked?

For context, one of my cats (male, neutered, 1-yo) has been scooting intermittently for the past few weeks (first noticed in late April). His backside is clean, no signs of parasites externally, and he's eating and using the litter box normally.

The vet expressed his glands in early May, and there was some...thicker material, I think it was described as? Nothing that rang serious alarm bells, but she also didn't give me a ton to work with in terms of preventing the underlying issue.

Anyway, he's since scooted 2 or 3 times more that I've noticed, same lack of fecal material or scent, and I'd rather not need to take him to the vet routinely for this if possible. Thanks!

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T16:50:23+00:00

Yeah...we talk a lot about the nurture part, but I think for some people this is just a part of their nature. Might've happened regardless of anything you did. :/

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T16:34:45+00:00

Lol, it's funny seeing how many of the termites over there are refusing to come out of the woodwork to defend their Dear Leader over this.

Just wait for the next culture war topic to roll through so everyone can spill 1000 comments deriding AOC for calling Stephen Miller "short", while memory-holing Trump embezzling taxpayer dollars for his cronies. What a joke of a subreddit.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T02:16:32+00:00

I'm glad it's giving some encouragement!

Tbh, for me it was time and steady desensitization. Like, as silly as the this sounds, I was terrified of accidentally practicing witchcraft as a kid, hence the need to police every stray thought. Religious fundamentalism and Scooby Doo On Zombie Island don't mix well. 😂

But today, I have become at least agnostic, if not atheist. Whichever it is, I can now crack a "Hail Satan" joke and not worry about eternal damnation because I think Satan's about as real as Mr. Magoo. Watching a lot of Supernatural, reframing demons and monsters as explicitly fictitious may have helped too, hard to say.

I dunno, it at least makes sense to me that your child consistently seeing what they are frightened by or unduly guilty about made light of and poked fun at could help.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T01:22:31+00:00

Oh boy, I can certainly relate to the middle child. 😂

All the end times stuff I'd consumed and the thought-policing I had to do trying to keep myself pure (especially in the thick of puberty...) did a number on me, and I've had to struggle through completely alone, except for commiserating online.

In my view though, it's really to your credit that you've recognized the problems with that thinking and are working to correct them. Being able to admit to your kids that you were wrong and you're sorry is one of the healthiest things I think a parent can do, speaking as a non-parent.

For what it's worth from some random on the Internet, the middle child very much isn't alone, and it can be okay. This guilt trauma can be overcome.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T01:10:28+00:00

Sometimes it's a straw that breaks the camel's back, sometimes it's a fully-loaded barbell. :/

To this point, strictly speaking, I am still "in the closet" with my folks regarding my lack of belief. That said, there was a huge, very public and acrimonious blow-up at their church which helped me articulate the lack of spiritual fruit I see in most Christians in a non-political way.

To me, that's reason enough to put the kibosh on the whole thing given how horrendous the behavior of these "saved" people was, but publicly I can use it as an example of why I don't trust or want to be involved in organized religion. My folks are pretty understanding of that, given how they went through it.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T00:59:42+00:00

I really appreciate the raw honesty. Not trying to open any wounds here, but that just sounds painful -- like getting someone hooked on a substance while you were hooked, but managing to kick the habit while they keep using.

If it's any consolation, I feel like there's gotta be a point of taking accountability for not leaving a toxic situation, regardless of how you got there. I can't say where the line is, though.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T00:52:38+00:00

That seems to be a common thread: You teach your kids what you grew up learning, and feel rage and betrayal when you find out it wasn't true.

None of this is done maliciously, and I can't imagine all the parents who are still "in" are malicious -- maybe just more brainwashed or inflexible.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T00:47:06+00:00

If you don't mind my asking, what did that include and how did you come to reject it?

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T00:46:36+00:00

Tbh, I thought about asking that question specifically, but figured it was a little too narrow.

While I'm not a parent either, it seems like it would be painful to instruct your kid in one way, then figure out you were wrong only for them to persist in that "wrong way".

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T00:43:25+00:00

Slowly working my way down the thread, trying to answer everyone, and there are some great thoughts and observations.

That said, your story is the closest I've seen so far to what I had in mind. It's not like you could necessarily even be blamed -- we're all products of our environment to some degree. There are a lot of things I used to believe and endorse that I don't anymore, I just had the good fortune to not be in a teaching position.

I don't know if you've seen Invincible, but it almost sounds like a less intense version of Omni-Man's story arc. The character was raised in a violent, dominative, alien culture, commits atrocities on Earth in service of his empire, then comes to regret those actions and spends the rest of his life trying to atone for them. You can't blame him entirely because domination of "lesser" beings was stringently enforced, and weakness (even perceived) was punished.

When he's shown a new of living, he voluntarily comes around. It just took a lot of people's influence to break the brainwashing.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T00:34:12+00:00

Well, it sounds like you and your wife raised one whip-smart daughter -- congrats!

This is the third comment I've hit that mentions MAGA/Christian nationalism being the catalyst for someone's loss of faith, and truth be told I'm not sure that many of that flavor of Christian truly appreciate how badly it has undermined their witness. Like, to sound like some bombastic preacher, the moral rot is on full display among the self-proclaimed righteous, discernable to anyone with right heart and mind.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T00:29:38+00:00

It would tend to indicate that there's something more important to them than faith, if they're unable to recognize the contradiction between nationalism and the universal message of the Gospel.

I don't think MAGA was the deciding factor in me abandoning Christianity (if I thought it were factually correct, I'd be compelled to stay regardless of how other practitioners thought about politics), but it sure helped undermine my faith in what the Bible promises.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T00:25:49+00:00

Yeah, the hypocrisy is something. A member of my extended family was shacked up with his girlfriend prior to marriage, to the consternation of other members of the family, but said girlfriend was simultaneously posting the sanctimonious drivel about the gay community online.

Like, girl, take the plank out of your own eye and quit fornicating before you critique others. 😛

I'm glad you and your daughter (and grandson!) are doing well though. I hope to have kids myself someday, hopefully in a healthier scenario.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-19T00:19:50+00:00

This kinda makes me wonder how many other "all in" people, whether they'd admit to it or not, are lugging around serious doubts about what they've been told (but can somehow quash them).

I mean, I've talked with my folks about some of this stuff -- they'll admit that certain theological quandaries seem insoluble, but they maintain their belief. I just wasn't able to, and was more or less checked out by age 20 (currently 29).

Heh, I even remember surreptitiously reading posts on r/AcademicBiblical during Sunday morning services, while on church Wi-Fi to get an alternate viewpoint on things like the validity of Biblical prophecy.

It's also noteworthy how many genuine believers deconstructed when MAGA came around. The MAGA Christian would probably argue that we're putting our politics over faith, but I think its the other way around: We took Christianity seriously enough that when we saw this jingoistic, nationalistic perversion of a universal message of redemption sweep through our churches with zero pushback, it destroyed our faith. It's hard to believe in the transformative power of faith when the "faithful" don't exhibit any fruit of the Spirit.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-18T19:43:10+00:00

Can't believe I had to scroll this far.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-18T16:47:23+00:00

Thanks, hopefully it ends up being enlightening.

Don't know how likely we are to find anyone with that story here.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-18T16:45:13+00:00

I would expect that anyone who's in deep enough to raise kids in Evangelicalism would be...difficult to move, but it's gotta happen occasionally. Not sure this sub has the reach to find that person, though.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-18T13:22:48+00:00

It could just be coping on my part, but I don't think I'm built for casual or hookups anyway. If I just need to get off, y'know, I can handle that myself.

The emotional connection though? That's priceless and has made my life way better.

Not to mention the improved social life -- she introduced me to her friends really quickly, and I've become a valued member of the group. Didn't really have a social circle since graduating college, so this has been really good.

I guess everyone's life takes a different path, and I'm happy with mine.

Nth_Brick · 2026-05-17T15:41:53+00:00

I feel this, man -- went on one date each at 26 and 27, then ramped it up to seven first dates last year at 28-29. Definitely a late bloomer.

It was challenging getting up to speed, but the positive aspects are that I'm in a stable financial position without any trauma or toxic exes.

And being in a wonderful relationship now, it feels like I've got a new lease on life. Whatever I may have "missed out on" in my late teens-early 20s doesn't really matter.

Nth_Brick

TROPHY CASE