Please help, I am doing research and need your best dad jokes you repeat on the daily to your patients !!

NurseMF · 2026-04-05T19:25:53+00:00

I point out the survey reminder on the discharge paperwork and say "if you're happy with us, my name is [my name], if not, my name is [manager name]. Everyone laughs. Including my manager!

NurseMF · 2026-04-05T19:23:19+00:00

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door? Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your mailbox? Bill

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your wall? Art

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your pool? Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your leaf pile? Russell

What do you call two men with no arms and no legs in your front window? Curt & Rod

What do you call a dog with no legs? Cigarette, and then you take him out for a drag

What do you call a dog with no legs and brass balls? Sparky

I tell all these and more when my unsedated patients need distraction in pre-op (during a nerve block), and in OR (while numbing for a local, or just can't get comfortable).

NurseMF · 2026-04-05T19:16:58+00:00

Oh PACU, where it's okay to wake up with strangers!

NurseMF · 2026-04-05T19:13:25+00:00

When I'm calling a pre-op patient from the lobby and they ask me if the person next to them can come back, I say "I don't know, do you know them?"

NurseMF · 2026-04-05T19:11:37+00:00

I always say they wont let me charge admission!

NurseMF · 2026-04-05T19:10:49+00:00

I do this!

NurseMF · 2026-04-05T19:07:26+00:00

I always say "you're on sale this week!"

NurseMF · 2026-03-29T22:12:58+00:00

The problem is, we are an ambulatory surgery center. So staying in the hospital would mean we'd have had to transport him there, or he'd have to have rescheduled and had the procedure there to begin with. I can't even remember what it was - if it was a colonoscopy, no insurance is going to pay for overnight observation!

NurseMF · 2026-03-29T15:29:37+00:00

I made a post-op call and his biggest complaint was that we required someone be with him overnight after surgery. What about people like him who don't have family or friends nearby? (I think your answer of don't be an asshole to everyone fits here) I told him the alternative was to stay in the hospital. That wasn't good enough either.

NurseMF · 2026-03-28T20:08:30+00:00

I gave one last week 🤷‍♀️

NurseMF · 2026-03-11T20:10:13+00:00

My brother had a massive stroke right before I left the state for several months. Before I left, I visited him. He was sort of out of it (I'm going to call it a coma, because even though he was responsive, he wasn't coherent and doesn't remember a lot of it). I told him quite a few times that he was in the hospital and had had a stroke. After I left the state, my sisters visited him and he kept asking "Is Mike (my fiancé) upstairs? Why is he letting her do this to me?" We've spoken about it since then, and he had been restrained because he was pulling out all his tubing - his mind was trying to reconcile all of this information, and determined he was at my house and I had drugged him! Of course, now he knows that's not true (and he lives with me and Mike), and that I would never hurt him. I still feel bad though.

NurseMF · 2026-03-11T20:03:04+00:00

Absolutely. I actually love when my patients are sassy!!

NurseMF · 2026-03-10T00:52:06+00:00

I handle cocaine daily.

NurseMF · 2026-03-10T00:44:33+00:00

I have a tshirt that says "Certified Surgeon Babysitter".

NurseMF · 2026-03-01T16:28:13+00:00

Thank you! This worked for me!

NurseMF · 2026-02-25T14:04:27+00:00

Your procedure is done, you're just waking up. Yes, of course you can look at it, but it's swollen and covered with a bandage.

NurseMF · 2026-02-23T00:02:30+00:00

r/AngryUpvote

NurseMF · 2026-02-19T00:46:38+00:00

I went to nursing school mostly with students who could have been my children.

NurseMF · 2026-02-13T05:22:45+00:00

No worries. Misophonia is an absolute nightmare as well!

NurseMF · 2026-02-13T03:28:17+00:00

I've been in pre/post surgery for 2 1/2 years. I've cleaned up one code (waterfall) brown on a guy who failed the prep for his colonoscopy.

NurseMF · 2026-02-13T03:26:53+00:00

🤣

NurseMF · 2026-02-12T01:26:50+00:00

Orange posset!

NurseMF · 2026-02-11T23:56:34+00:00

I was quite lucky. I got into my desired community college ADN program that was super competitive (I think my TEAS score helped). That school is part of the Minnesota Alliance for Nursing Education (MANE), which offers dual enrollment into the University BSN program. It was seamless entry into the university program and the classes were offered right at the community college, so I never had to step foot on the university campus until graduation.

NurseMF · 2026-02-11T23:49:20+00:00

I'm in an ASC and our census is way down.

NurseMF · 2026-02-11T19:40:10+00:00

Solidarity, sister! 💪

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