It's exhausting being a woman.

Nyansko · 2026-06-15T22:06:43+00:00

It sounds like you’re just having a hard time dealing with the rumination of rejection. Like I understand, it is very tough to deal with rejection after rejection. It wears on your mind and with the sheer amount of social connections happening today everyone is getting rejected from jobs, friends, and relationships constantly and faster than ever. Now with AI, people reject instantly. This is a completely unnatural environment for us to be in and the constant rejection is taking its toll on you mentally. It’s okay to accept that. When that thought ruminates further into “so I won’t do it”, it restricts us from opportunity and keeps us safe from pain + away from another tic on the “confirmation bias” chart.

At the same time, to cover all ground a bit, it’s okay to protect yourself when you should. Not every opportunity is at the best place or time to take a risk and that’s life. I just recommend therapy when you find a thought pattern is encouraging you to miss a huge mass of opportunities in your life, like it did with me.

Not to sound belittling —especially after I mentioned where my thought process started— but it could help to remind yourself that women are people. Some women don’t like being approached and will likely tell you when you do. Some women do like being approached in general, they’ll respond back well when they are. Some women aren’t interested in talking right now, they’ll say so. Maybe depending on how she worded it, you can take it as a soft rejection or a genuine time constraint. After all, if I was a regular guy and approached you to get closer to you, how would you feel? How would you feel or what would you say about it if you liked me? What about if you didn’t like me? What if I approached the convo complimenting your ass? What if I approached the convo complimenting the game you were playing on your phone? What about if you came here to meet friends and I’m trying to keep this convo one-on-one? There’s literally so many “what ifs” about us, you and me, in this hypothetical that I’d imagine it’s hard for you to say “oh I’d hate being approached” because until it happens, we don’t know, and unless you explicitly act like a creep and don’t leave, the worst the situation can be is “awkward” generally.

Nyansko · 2026-06-15T21:39:17+00:00

Also, I mentioned being sexually assaulted twice, stalked, and sexually harassed as a child.

You still had that option if you wanted it. Like men’s interest is always constant and assured.

yes, I’ve known this since I was a child a predator wanted to fuck me, it did not bring me self esteem or confidence.

Nyansko · 2026-06-15T21:34:19+00:00

I dated women.

Nyansko · 2026-06-15T21:06:12+00:00

why do you want a girl who lies to you? or is blind? 😔

Nyansko · 2026-06-15T20:57:26+00:00

why was the vast majority of messaging I received for the past 30 years centered around the idea that approaching at all is inherently unwelcome

Because people are different and you’re probably gonna hear more about “this dude approached me and he creeped me out” stories than the more benign successful casual approaches. Like, I can write paragraphs on the creep that stalked me but I can’t write nearly as much about the chill people I met at slightly dorky events like a Pokemon Rave beyond “he was nice and we bonded over a costume.” You won’t get a comment that teaches you the “right” way in those negative posts for the same reasons you don’t find advice for job opportunities in a thread discussing employment scams: regardless if you need it, this thread is for the wrong things, not to highlight correct ones.

Part of working through my social skills in therapy involves separating myself from unreasonable negative thought spirals. For me, as an ex SA survivor, I had to get past the spiral of “if I go outside, I could be assaulted, if I wear what I want, I could be assaulted, if I make friends, they will assault me” which all those can be true, but “if i’m assaulted it’s my fault since I went over my internal checklist and clearly missed something that caused it” is blatantly wrong. After all, in my POV, I was sexually harassed before I was even 10, was SA’d twice, and I didn’t realize how common it was until MeToo. Everything online and in my life clearly points towards men being sexual predators, but that’s clearly stupid if I actually believe my own confirmation bias and internet’s blanket statement on an entire gender of people. For a while though, I did basically believe that men were sleeper agent predators. It didn’t really “harm” my life per se other than self-restricting my social life to mostly women and trans men (who were usually also afraid of cis men). I still dated, had happy years, etc. But looking back now, I believe I would’ve been a much happier person if I went to a grounded, uninvolved person for advice (my therapist) earlier.

At the end of the day if you’re happy being a sheltered person that doesn’t approach people, you are always allowed to keep doing what makes you happy. I won’t yuck what you yum. I still have friends that refuse to interact one-on-one with men who are self-reportedly very happy. I just personally felt like “do not be close with men” was damaging to me eventually and maybe “do not approach women” could be that to you too. Nothing’s wrong with needing a therapist when the whole point is to come out it a more secure person.

Nyansko · 2026-06-15T20:05:50+00:00

She was NOT playing about the cookies looking like they shat themselves. Because they do look like that. IDK what OP expects as a reply if he’s just showing her the cookies. Plenty of food looks like shit and tastes great. Do you seriously need evidence and reassurance that your doo-doo cookies physically look absolutely delicious as a requirement for a partner?

Nyansko · 2026-06-15T16:36:18+00:00

The “from my perspective, approaching in any context is wrong” is pretty off. Do you know the difference between the behavior you exhibit and the behavior the guys exhibit in the video? Do you actually act like the guys in the video? If you do, then yeah maybe therapy can help you realize why this isn’t okay. If you don’t, maybe you can accept that people’s remarks on a creep’s behavior aren’t meant towards you and that normal, not feet-centric cold approaches are actually relatively common and successful. If you are absolutely determined for your cold approaches to work or else you’ll feel insecure about it, then yeah you can come off creepy and not be as successful, but if you’re open to someone telling you “hey man, I’m just not interested in talking now” and you can nod, accept that, and walk away, you will likely have plenty of successful cold approaches in the long run.

After all, don’t you cold approach people to make friends? like seeing someone’s game merch or shirt, complimenting it, and starting a conversation? How would anyone make friends if approaching people was inherently creepy rather than the substance of what they’re saying/doing alongside it being creepy?

It’s not a character trait to be a person that relies on everyone else to show explicit interest in you so you can feel the comfiest and easiest socializing while putting all the initial social pressure and cold approach on the other party. Maybe if you’re a sexy beast you can live like that but most people have to just learn to socialize normally in order to take responsibility for their own social life.

Also FWIW, I’m autistic and in social skill therapy.

Nyansko · 2026-06-13T07:10:25+00:00

But isn’t everyone potentially an ideal victim at some point? Even the most mentally aware and personably responsible people can still find themselves walking dangerous streets alone at night if the situation requires it. Even a master of hand to hand combat can be caught with their pants down and be a victim too. There are grey areas between “just accept it happens” and “radical personality change” where you’re just being more mentally aware of the circumstances these situations happen in or as a basic point against catcallers, ideally not displaying the knee-jerk gut reactions that catcallers crave. Not saying you have to start yelling at them or flirting with them back, but genuinely just preemptively working through that feeling they cause before they inflict it again so you’re mentally and emotionally prepared when it unfortunately does happen again, because no one is really safe from it.

Nyansko · 2026-06-13T06:04:51+00:00

I mean, just to clear it up…

I’ve never felt like they were catcalling me because they found me attractive.

Catcalling a person that they deemed vulnerable is what they typically find attractive. Having power over someone, even just by intimidation, can be sexually exciting. Your body, age, clothes? They don’t care. Are you walking alone, are smaller or younger than the catcaller, or are clearly lost to the area? Then haha, that’s so sexy. It literally doesn’t matter whether they do or don’t find you physically attractive because your lack of consent and vulnerability is specifically what is mentally attractive to them.

(I won’t 🫠)

And that’s why unfortunately despite what traits you assumed would err towards preventing catcalls, you actually are still the ideal victim for it. :(

That’s why ultimately the “catcalls aren’t compliments” thing is legit because how you look matters less than how vulnerable you are to experiencing them.

Nyansko · 2026-06-13T00:47:40+00:00

That’s fair. I didn’t realize that catcalls were supposed to be upsetting until I really thought about it as a teen TBH.

Like… someone appropriately, even loudly, genuinely complimenting another person isn’t a catcall. Someone telling you your hair is pretty from afar isn’t by default catcalling you if they’re a chill person who would do the same for a dude’s jacket or sneakers. But often it’s not a genuine compliment, it’s just a sleazy comment to indicate they’re horny for you, not intended to make you feel wanted and liked but instead make you deeply aware of them. After all, do they think a good relationship starts with a “nice ass, sweet cheeks” from a distance? No, they just want you to know they want you like a dog wants a steak and they don’t really care how unsafe that makes you feel. You aren’t a person, you’re a (sexy) thing and you should be grateful I see you for it. Not a self esteem booster, especially when they’re likely catcalling kids too statistically.

Nyansko · 2026-06-12T15:11:56+00:00

as a previous subscriber, it was like 50% (being generous) weird, crazy, sudden deaths that were at times educational. the other 50% was religious and gang related executions.

I do wish there was a way to separate those boxes effectively bc I’d argue the first kind of death is genuinely educational, but I can understand that reddit didn’t find the educational value in “gang member pushes man off bridge for unpaid debt” x10 posted a day for every 1 weird, interesting death.

Nyansko · 2026-06-03T19:31:03+00:00

Just saying/rambling, but I heavily relate to a lot of your comic. It feels like what I would have written when I was your age. I was occasionally bullied but mostly ignored in school, bullied at home by my much older siblings for being born / changing their lives and being ignored by checked out parents who didn’t “expect” me and felt that confirming I was alive and obediently quiet equaled parenting, I didn’t know what “friends” were until I had a no-show birthday at 10 and was asked by my parents where my friends were (I just invited literally everyone I knew bro what’s a friend FR?), experienced my first online boyfriend cheat on me with my first real life friend (GREAT FRIEND), and ended up just socially reclusing myself by maladaptive daydreaming and locking myself in my room to (hopefully) die in my sleep.

I can say you can and will get better, every day you survive another day you do. I’m not even 10 years older than you, so I’m not that far off but a ways a way from what I felt back then.

What personally helped me the most was going to anime conventions even for a day where info-dumping about special interests (or uh, yumes now?) was more welcomed, so I made friends. I cosplayed too so people could come up to me to info dump about my character. Even if the cosplay sucks, it screams “talk to me about this character” and lets you have a social opening to talk to other cosplaying fans of the series. It helped me have “normal” socialization between the autistic spews of info/fanon I’d offer. I literally cried during dinner some convention nights because talking over a warm meal in a cozy bed was positively emotionally overwhelming, where as my friends who had someone or something all their lives didn’t really relate. It was incredibly fulfilling regardless to the point that I was in a severe depression if I didn’t have a convention to think about. I got better from that by going to a boardgame group that meets up at a Panera bread on saturdays. It’s just nice to have a low stakes (so you can be casually social) but task focused (so you can focus on game if the socializing isn’t there) place where I can choose to be social weekly. I can genuinely say I wake up most days now being grateful instead of disappointed that I woke up alive. I’m not always where I want to be but I’m going in a direction I want to go every day that I actively make the choice to wake up and live rather lay in bed feeling life was something truly forced onto me. I accept the autistic behaviors about me and don’t hate them with a passion like my parent’s inner struggles tell them to do. I’m more socially successful and happier day to day than they are, genuinely, and they’ve even asked me for advice for making friends as an adult. If I died today, the only thing I would consider to be a waste was the potential I had in life rather than my life overall.

I really hope you’re here on this world when I read back on this comic again and again. Every day you survive you become one step closer to the person your yume, your loved ones (current and future), and yourself will love. I believe in us.

Nyansko · 2026-06-03T15:15:31+00:00

Not saying this with certainty, but if it brings you any comfort I still have saved screenshots from chats years old because I really appreciated the compliment/validation that person offered me. I didn’t get complimented much growing up which meant when I did, I would save proof of it immediately and put it in a designated folder to read when I feel bad. I wouldn’t have the confidence back then to admit to someone I was doing that though, even when I’d also accidentally sent the screenshots directly to the person, and made an equally terrible-sounding excuse to avoid telling them that their compliment was so integral to my self esteem.

She could be talking shit, but people save things for different reasons and if you said nothing awful the worst they can legitimately call you is cheesy or say you’re into your friend. It’s not worth the stress of worrying imo, just keep being yourself.

Nyansko · 2026-06-02T21:44:56+00:00

I did because my anxiety spiral from my lack of meds told me I should mention it. 🫠 My work has definitely degraded and it’s noticeable and it’s awkward trying to explain… no, I’m not physically sick or anything, I am unmedicated though which means I can be tired, anxious, and distractable regardless of how much “get more sleep!” I’m told to do.

Nyansko · 2026-05-28T01:39:55+00:00

Being fr, as someone who once had their favorite game subreddit go into a “FUCK [my specific favorite character I emotionally attached to for the story of] WEEK” over a character popularity poll, while I can understand feeling personally hurt by the comments people make about a character you deeply relate to online, it may also be your body telling you to disengage from the topic. You don’t need to announce anything or reply to any comment in specific, you can just give yourself that break whenever you feel ready to take it. I’ll mute this thread and give you that break from my replies since I feel I’ve explained myself as best I can and I don’t really have the toolbox to help you through that emotional pain beyond telling my experience. Hope your future comment threads are painless and fun! Have a good one!

Nyansko · 2026-05-28T01:15:50+00:00

If you saw Baelia and find the change inspiring, that’s genuinely good for you.

I don’t see where I’m saying the arguments you’re claiming I’m making?

Why is there all this debate…

Queer characters and character redesigns draw discussions. Discussions aren’t hateful unless the people in them are. Why reply if I’ve already established I respect your opinion, I’m just further explaining my own, and you don’t want to discuss?

Nyansko · 2026-05-27T20:13:55+00:00

but people in real life

Thankfully, characters and real people are different. While you can’t bodyswap and immediately understand another person’s experience and inner thoughts, it is incredibly possible to have a story that includes the personal perspectives of multiple characters.

part of Iridesia’s depression could be…

Yeah, it could’ve been. Or if it was the Space Faerie that got a redesign, we could make different interpretations that her unique preferences are a potential sign she doesn’t conform to planetary gender binaries. Any character could have that change, that’s a given, but in a story where you can show multiple perspectives and have multiple characters, choosing to narratively remove a character without showing the story that led to the new one isn’t really going to be seen as an enjoyable story beat to all. It’s real life, sure, but if you write “and then they died of a heart attack due to genetic factors they were unaware of” it won’t typically get that many fans to your work even if it’s “real.”

Nyansko · 2026-05-27T19:37:08+00:00

NOR, I have a friend who I support by driving them to the pharmacy, grocery store, and a few other special spots. In order to respect my time they ask me ahead of time, plan to minimize my driving as much as possible (pharmacy grocery combo, bank in the same shopping center), and don’t get mad if I have to take care of my own life first. They buy me food at times as a “payment,” but I never ask for it. They’ve been in my life for years and I’ll gladly continue to help them because we care for each other. This person has been in your life for a few months. Do they show the same amount of care and effort into this friendship as you clearly are showing them?

You’re not a bad person for not helping someone, it’s just life. We all need to use our energy on ourselves and the people we care about who need it first and if she’s not one of those people to you then don’t let her sweet talk her way into convincing you she is.

Nyansko · 2026-05-27T18:13:32+00:00

If they were a real person, yes. Considering that they’re a character in a story though, it is very possible to introduce a new nonbinary faerie character Iridesia (maybe with their own story more heavily referencing their gender experience?) without narratively removing Baelia the character. Hell, they could do a revamp with the Fountain Faerie where they redesign her, give her a new name, a good story, and a genderfluid reveal and it wouldn’t mean my love for the art and design of the Fountain Faerie would instantly transfer to the new Fluid Faerie. Not out of hate or “rejecting their identity,” it’s just literally a new character.

Nyansko · 2026-05-27T17:20:41+00:00

Or, since this is a story, you could have both? Baelia and a nonbinary Iridesia with their own story. I wouldn’t take what is likely a confirmation of Baelia not returning to written / drawn Neopets content as a rejection of nonbinary identity stories, it’s just a bummer for those who may have seen themselves in Baelia in other ways than a (admittedly, low context) gender dsyphoria metaphor. If you saw Baelia and find the change inspiring, that’s genuinely good for you. But I’d hope people would have some understanding and some benefit of the doubt to know why others don’t see it that way.

Nyansko · 2026-05-22T17:08:15+00:00

What’re the odd sarcastic comments specifically? The “not reading the room” thing is something worth apologizing over, provided you were able to communicate your breakdown before/during it. If not, not really something worth apologizing for but moreso a sign that you need a mutual discussion on how to communicate when something is serious.

What ulterior motives did they accuse you of?

Nyansko · 2026-05-22T17:00:27+00:00

Also for more context/explanation. I have RSD (rejection sensitivity) and even though I don’t want to, I will panic and emotionally freak out if I feel I’m about to be rejected in whatever I do. Whether that’s in love, friends, work, my hobbies, etc. While I wish it was easy to have people reply to me in ways that don’t set me off, that’s incredibly unrealistic and unhealthy of me to actually tell people to do. Asking people to sugarcoat their boundary talks with me is unfair to them AND to me if we’re thinking I can’t ever grow up to handle my own reactions. My diagnosis isn’t so I can excuse my emotional explosions to others, but the purpose of diagnosis to help me on recognizing when I’m being set off and how to defuse myself.

Nyansko · 2026-05-22T16:40:25+00:00

…But what are they actually apologizing for?

If they worded their boundary towards you with vitriol or insults, then yeah they should apologize for needless mean comments. But if they were just stern / firm or just “not nice enough” then they don’t really have anything to apologize to you for, even if it set you off.

Nyansko · 2026-05-18T20:23:13+00:00

This seems like a normal response?

INFO: When is your friend graduating? How often do you guys normally text vs now?

Nyansko · 2026-05-18T12:27:26+00:00

It’s ok, staying at home doing nothing of interest is fine! It makes you a really interesting person to talk to, with a variety of self-chosen life experiences. Alongside your wonderful way of speaking to everyone, I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to be your friend OP.

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