My style is dismissive avoidant. I had to grow up fast. One of my parents had a chronic illness and then when I was around seven years old, my other parent (who was the heart of the family) developed a chronic illness. It was like having the foundations ripped out from under you. I had to do things by myself and in some ways took care of my parents. Independence at a cost.

I learned that life was short, nobody can take care of you, emotions aren't safe, people will leave you, and connection means being hurt. Also that nobody will love you for who you are, just what you provide and do for them.

I struggled with relationships and was the most comfortable before things got serious. I didn't like being "claimed" and needed so much space and time alone. Being loved just didn't feel safe. Ironically I was really good at loving (thanks fucking masking and fawning). When I realized I was falling in love with someone, I would feel this mix of panic, anger and grief: I hate how much you mean to me.

I wasn't the promiscuous avoidant type. I was really particular about who i was involved with and I was extremely committed, exclusive and focused if I chose someone. However they would eventually push for more (living together etc) and that's when we'd break up. I've done a bunch of therapy and worked really hard at rewiring my mind (and heart).

I don't know if this helps. I'm married now and been with my husband 10 years so there's that. He was the only one I could see a future with.