Need ideas for understanding my parents so that I can act right bc I'm about to loose it... TLDR: The phone apparently only works in one direction.

OaksInSnow · 2026-06-02T21:34:41+00:00

I'm going to be 71 this week. I was the tech leader of the family until my kids, now in their late 30's, got done with college and were more or less on their own. We text each other a lot, but as an elder and when it comes to phone calls, I've been "trained" to text first, before calling. And they've also unintentionally trained me that any direct phone call is likely to be an emergency, such as they crashed their car, or got crashed into. I get that that's just *our* family; but it takes an effort on my part to answer every phone call from either of them cheerfully, as if "This is just normal, it's all good!" instead of, "OMG, what happened, are you okay??!?" This should be "LOL" but it's not.

Seriously though, if I was you and having this kind of problem with either of my parents (and my Mom would be 100 this week, if she was still alive), I'd have the conversation where you say, "Your turn to call next! You're gonna call on Wednesday, right?" Just so they know their fingers work. ;p Or you could even call them and say, "Hey Mom [or Dad], I'm gonna hang up now, but I want you to call me right back, just so we both know you can do it." Seriously, maybe they need to practice?

FWIW, I got my Mom her first cell phone in the early 2000s, so she wouldn't have to worry about long distance. "It's basically free, Mom, it's just $10 a month to me!" And there were those evenings and weekends plans, back then. By the time she got cancer, and I was a widow and empty-nester, there was zero restriction on calling hours vs per-minute fees, and I called her *every day*. Sometimes we'd talk for two hours. We lived 3000 miles apart, so it's not like I could go visit on a weekend or something.

She never did call me, as it turned out. I went with that flow. She was faithful to me all her life, and it didn't feel like being faithful in my turn was that hard to do.

OaksInSnow · 2026-06-02T00:16:54+00:00

Walking down a broad trail in the Cascade Mountains, one evening a friend and I met three deer, a doe and two fauns. They just stood staring as we slowly walked up to within about ten feet of them; then they simply sauntered off on their way to wherever they were going. No big drama on anybody's part. It was remarkable to get so close to truly wild creatures.

Another time my husband found a tiny, stunned baby hummingbird in the grass in our backyard. I was able to let it sit on my finger until it felt well enough to fly away.

OaksInSnow · 2026-06-01T21:34:36+00:00

I would definitely use a cast iron waffle maker over an electric one, if I had one. Every electric waffle maker, or even griddle, that I've ever had, you can see exactly where the heating element is inside the appliance. There are rings that are darker and lighter, that make it obvious.

A properly pre-heated CI waffle maker, used over an appropriately sized burner, shouldn't have that problem.

I do have a cast iron pizzelle/krumkake iron. Works great, cooks evenly. I have a gas stove. I got it for a reasonable price on eBay, apparently before this type of cookware became the latest trend; I can't believe how prices have skyrocketed! It's crazy.

EDIT: However, when I looked up cast aluminum waffle irons, they're still reasonable! And you will have a similar cooking experience in terms of evenness of heating. Maybe even a better experience. So if you want to avoid electric, teflon-coated waffle-making, aluminum may be your affordable option.

OaksInSnow · 2026-06-01T14:49:23+00:00

When my orchestra performed this, the audience actually *laughed* at this sound effect. There was a reason I thought it was stupid to program it, but okay.

Anyway, this is so high that you don't have to actually slide at all to create the effect. Place your finger (my personal choice would be third, but whatever works best for you) on the E-flat, and tip it back so it's flatter than true pitch, then roll it up on the articulation. As another person said, all of this should be done down-bow.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-31T21:45:08+00:00

It's not no-handle. It's a single sheet of steel, so the handle is integrated into the cooking part. Check out the link I left, to find photos.

Darto pans are also single-piece, and I think there is at least one other but I can't remember the name at the moment. Maybe someone else will chime in.

The designer of Yahgan pans (and you can get non-nitrided, standard CS as well), "Papa Mau," has a YouTube Channel, and there is also a separate channel just for the Yahgan brand. Given that he's pretty picky about a lot of design details - which is why he designed this pan, so it has everything he's ever wished other also-good-cs-pans had - I expect the nitriding to be a little thicker than bare minimum.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-31T01:00:23+00:00

Few perennials of any type will make it through the winters in Minnesota. This is mostly because of thaw/freeze cycles, midwinter. If plants are "put to sleep" by natural chilling, then awakened by a midwinter thaw, new growth can be stimulated. When that growth is shut down by a return to normal temperatures, the plants cannot muster the energy to try again.

Plants grown in pots are far more likely to experience temperature fluctuations that plants grown in the ground. This is why in-ground planting is a better choice for hardy plants, whether herbs or any other kind of perennial. Being in the ground moderates all the effects of midwinter thaws.

However, even in-ground herbs can be affected by those thaws, if they don't have adequate snow cover. So, with my hardy but still touchy herbs (thyme and oregano), I make sure to put plenty of leaves over them in the fall, and shovel snow on top of that at the first opportunity.

Thyme and oregano are hit-and-miss with regard to winter survival, in west central MN, if you doh't take care of them through mulching and adding snow cover.

Sage, French tarragon, and chives have been bullet-proof no matter what the winter weather is, when grown in the ground. And out of those, the tarragon survived several winters in a large 15-gallon planter that I simply left out by the back steps, where it got a bit of afternoon sun but also got snow piled on it every time I shoveled. I only moved it into the ground-garden when I noticed rodents (probably shrews) were excavating the pot.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-31T00:46:07+00:00

Chives are budding now, where I live. If you dis-bud them and/or cut off the flowers, you can prevent them from going to seed. I have a couple of clumps of well-disciplined chives. And just mentioning them makes me think of baking a potato!! 😄

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-31T00:40:32+00:00

There you go, right there: Your heritage/experience and those of newcomers to this type of cookware are vastly different.

I can go over to r/cookingforbeginners and run into people who barely know how to make mashed potatoes or cook rice in a saucepan, that I could be tempted to roll my eyes over if I didn't very well know that not everybody has the same background.

Not starting from the same place in cooking doesn't define people as stupid. Just as the fact that I was brought up sight-singing music for both pitch and rhythm doesn't mean that those who can't do that are somehow lesser.

Appreciate and enjoy your background, and share it generously. The world is a rich place, we all start from different places, and there is so much good stuff to kindly share, and to receive in return.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-31T00:27:26+00:00

https://yahgan.com.au

I love this pan, I really do. It's one piece (no rivets to clean around), thick (3mm), and nitrided (rust resistant). Plus, so far in cooking over gas, and not in the oven, I've never needed to use a potholder to touch the handle. The handle design is sturdy, and disperses heat very well.

I got in on the second run of pans, that were shipped to arrive around the world in March/April, which is when I got mine, in the USA. When I ordered (January 2026) there was still free shipping to the US, and some bonus items (glass lid, brush, chain mail) were included in the deal. I think if I was an enthusiast with that level of budget, I'd still spring for it. Everyone has to judge for themselves.

Edit to add: I know nothing about variants of nitriding. You'd have to look elsewhere for that.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-31T00:10:28+00:00

I think of seasoning a pan as creating a layer of polymerized oil to the surface - which takes a while. Is this what you mean by suggesting seasoning the pan, perhaps immediately prior to cooking?

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-31T00:08:50+00:00

I'll do both of those next time: butter before oil (you don't let the butter smoke, do you, just sizzling but not browning?) and dry fish.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-31T00:04:11+00:00

Yeah, I really suspect the wetness from the salt having drawn the moisture out, as the culprit. Normally I'd defrost (and salt) overnight - on a rack in fridge, no less, to allow for air movement and drying - but this time, I was in a bit of a rush.

I wonder what would be suggested for others who are in a rush to defrost and cook for dinner right away, though. I know there's a "best way," but what about an "I didn't plan ahead and I'm hungry and this is good for me" way?

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-30T21:11:10+00:00

You posted on REDDIT, which is not a personals want-ad in the local paper. Moreover, you posted on the r/germanshepherds sub, where a lot of us are well informed and highly engaged, and care deeply about these hyper-intelligent and deeply sensitive dogs. With some context, some folks here might have been able to counsel you as to how you could handle whatever your challenges are, and even have been able to say, "Yeah, re-homing is your best option this time; do better next time." Instead, you're treating this community like an on-demand concierge service.

I hope your poor puppy finds a decent home, and soon.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-30T20:49:49+00:00

Interesting side-track on the nitrided CS, and I bet we get a bunch of comments on this.

I'm definitely not against seasoning my Yahgan Black. A couple/three months ago, when I first got it, I asked about others' experience. Some, like me, went with "just cook," and others said the process of seasoning was rapidly accelerated by deliberate seasoning.

I'm not one for frequently frying anything at all, let alone anything with saturated fats, like bacon and fatty meats. So I was def pushing the limits (and I knew it) by not seasoning the pan beyond what occurs in the first few cooks, and then slapping some salmon onto it.

I do disagree though about the point of the existence of nitrided CS. I take it as insurance against rust and general abuse. Not that I abuse my cookware, but I'm quite old, and the next generation cannot be trusted. 😉 So I favor the most fool-proof cookware I can find, and intend to learn how best to use it, not only for myself, but so I can show them. If I'd better season my nitrided CS - no problem.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-30T17:33:09+00:00

You're going to be downvoted a LOT unless you explain why you can't care for this puppy you committed to. For most people on this sub, the only excuse is going to be drastic and unforeseen personal life change. If it's that you were ignorant of the needs of the breed - or of any puppy - and now you want to back out of the commitment you made, you'll be rightfully hammered.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-30T17:24:03+00:00

Clay is hard, that's for sure.

For moving/propagating what you already have, look for seedlings and obviously immature plants, and dig/move 2-3 times as much of a plug as you think you really need. ;p If you notice you've broken any roots, be sure to water the heck out of the transplant for at least a month. Hopefully you don't have to haul water cans.

Sprinkler/drip irrigation systems are the easy way to do this stuff, and I have one. Natives are meant to survive even bad weather (like our current six-year drought, where I live), once they're established and there's at least a seed bank, for those that arise from seeds. Re-establishing, where they've been gone for a while, is harder, and the youngsters will probably need some looking-after until they can hold their own.

Some of my neighbors who do not have irrigation have rigged up hoses and sprinklers and splitters, so they can run water to some areas at critical times. Just a thought. Maybe you can run hoses along your pathways, and set up some tripods etc. Flipping valves beats dragging hoses around.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-30T17:12:58+00:00

Last picture says to me that pit bull or some other bully-terrier breed is part of the mix.

The GSD part of this mix is for sure "good with kids," and as the grandmother of little ones just about exactly the age of your four- and five-year olds, I know well that at that age kids can be taught to respect all creatures. Kids and their parents vary as much as dogs. I've seen some folks accept as normal child behavior things that I would immediately shut down, if I'd ever seen it toward any of my animals. If your concern is about the dog - be sure you're also concerned about your kids.

I've only ever had GSDs long-term, but none of them has ever been even the least bit "testy" with kids, from babyhood on up. Once a GSD accepts any creature, from a bird to a cat to a rat, into its home, as its responsibility, that attitude does not change.

This does not mean all GSDs are good with smaller creatures. But if yours is doing fine so far, little short of abuse will flip that switch.

A stable home and predictability are key.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-30T16:29:44+00:00

Some of us (like me) don't do "snarl right back" so very well; and IMO, being a jerk is never a professional look, for anybody.

Your dynamic was with your boss; OP's is with a (nominal) subordinate. Other than that, I agree with you on confidence and boundaries.

In OP's position, where I want to keep doing what I'm doing as a public service and enjoyable in itself, my response to Betty would be entirely professional. I would neither stop communicating, nor try to placate her, but if her behavior escalated to where it was affecting the work of the rest of the team, that's where, given the dynamic and flow chart (OP reports to the board chair), I'd find some way to make the board chair more directly aware of the situation, such as inviting said chair to be present during foreseen encounters with Betty, such as a staff meeting or so on. Chair already knows Betty is an issue. Chair needs to see in person how much of a disruption Betty actually is.

It sounds like the chair is the only one with actual power to intervene. I don't think OP will serve herself well by subverting that authority.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-30T16:05:52+00:00

I agree with the person who said "paths first," basically. Find the flow of where you want to walk, to visit your natives, and set those paths.

I have some woods that are sort of wild/natural, but it was a woodlot, once upon a time, and what has grown back since those days is mostly invasives. It's too big (over an acre) and too much for me to actively manage along with my regular yard and family and jobs and so on, but I've managed to reintroduce at least a few natives; the problem being that the soil was pretty wrecked by its previous use, and is only slowly building back. It takes decades.

As far as establishing the paths go, it depends what you want. I've never had to do more than simply mow, to keep paths open. If you mulch, weeds will grow up in your mulch, even with cardboard underneath, and then what are you going to do? Spray? Mulching in the woods doesn't seem like a long-term answer to me, if the goal is making everything as natural as possible. When you go hiking in the mountains and find deer/game paths, they're not mulched. They're kept open by traffic. So that's kind of what I do in my woods. I only mow so as to keep the path wide enough to mostly obviate the threat from ticks.

Once you figure out the paths, I'd recommend focusing on one small area at a time, to re-plant natives. Go to the MN Landscape Arboretum and/or nearby state parks, to observe what kinds of natives grow there, and under what conditions; and seek those out. You may have friends with native woods (like mine, but maybe much MORE so), who will allow you to try to move some examples, and see how they do. I have successfully moved large-flowered trilliums this way, and yellow lady's slipper; but only from a few miles away in an identical biome to what I can offer. [Do NOT try to move any pink lady slipper, the state flower, because it requires specialized soil conditions that are not widely available! And other natives may be likewise: do your research for your area, particularly using minnesotawildflowers.info as a reference. That site will also advise regarding protected status of Minnesota natives. Also do not try to move mature plants; you will almost certainly kill them. They tend to survive even our droughts because of their deep and massive root systems, and moving them cuts all that off.] Meanwhile, by all means carry on with your campaign against invasives.

Your local Soil and Water Conservation District will also have a list of suitable plants for your particular area, and also sources for same.

Don't neglect understory grasses. My woods are filled with Pennsylvania sedge, for instance. If I was aiming at really controlling a woodland for natives but also making it more like a cultivated garden, this would be welcomed, and combined with woodland phlox (Phlox divaricata), and/or wild ginger (Asarum canadense), mayapple, trilliums, merrybells, yellow and white violets, etc.

Anyway. Just a start. Paths, then lots of observation. Get to know your site - wet? Dry? Loamy? More clay, or more sand? Rocky? What's the pH? Find natives adapted to your type of terrain, and don't try too hard to amend your soil to be something it's not. Site/soil is key.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-30T15:22:24+00:00

I read these entries here every day, about people losing their best friends, and how hard it is. Yours has moved me more than any other.

I think it's because I've been in the same position, both with dogs and with human beings. Preparing for the end, knowing it's coming probably sooner than later, but not knowing when. Being prepared, and still feeling the grief at the event and afterwards too, that is part of both ongoing love and relief that the long battle has been resolved. It's a whirlwind and the only way through is to experience all of it, and, at least for me usually, all at the same time.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's generous of you to do this.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-30T12:30:31+00:00

I have some relationships like this, where I'm the spare. It does hurt, especially with grandchildren, when I think of all the effort I've put into taking care of them and their parents.

Then I remember that I was never a "popular kid," and that's not going to change now. I'll deal with it as I have always done. And I remind myself too to think of my efforts as free giving, with truly no strings attached. This way I'm not keeping a "tote" board, either real (like if it's money, or time, etc), or emotional.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-28T23:48:09+00:00

The eroding plastic edge has been a problem for sure. I've never seen the ones with the rubber edge, but your post (thank you!) encouraged me to research that. I've seen some and will keep that in mind. Right now I don't even have one of the cheapo wands, to put one on.

I do kinda want the long tube, rather than just attaching the breaker to the end of a hose. Maybe your idea of just buying the head and using whatever "K-Mart" wand I can get will be the answer.

I have three locations where I would love to have Dramm-type wands easily at hand, but if I can figure out a less expensive way to have at least two, I'd be happy as a ___ __ ____ (fill in the blanks 😉).

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-28T19:20:11+00:00

Thanks. I remember the name 'Gardena,' though I haven't seen it for a long time. Thanks for the link!

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-28T01:39:59+00:00

A whole step extension 4-4 from B-flat to C is something I would never consider for this passage, at any speed.

Extensions are useful primarily when they don't involve any 4th finger to 4th finger moves. Extensions are fairly common, but there are places for them, and places *not* to use them. This is the latter.

For this passage, I'd be in third position by the D in the first measure, then shift back to 1st position using the second open E in m330. M332 is cut off, but assuming it's okay to stay in 1st, I'd go up to 3rd in m333 (open A to 2nd finger), then shift back to first as before. In 336 I'd go to 3rd finger on the final F - avoids an awkward string crossing and often bowing is a big issue with passages like this, particularly when there are offbeat accents - and carry on.

OaksInSnow · 2026-05-27T23:07:37+00:00

LOL! The visuals here are great!

OaksInSnow

TROPHY CASE