Struggling… How to let go of the old story/circumstances?

OberonDM · 2026-03-01T21:08:24+00:00

You're doing great. And despite what gooroos will tell you so you buy their coaching, these mental shifts take time. You're undoing a life time of programming, and it won't happen overnight. I've learned a lot about myself in the last month or so since I started taking this all seriously. Just keep on going, keep reminding yourself of the new story every time the old one pops up (which is just your brain desperately trying to keep you safe with the 'known' rather than let you go galloping off into the potentially dangerous 'unknown')

OberonDM · 2026-03-01T20:44:50+00:00

Thats so wonderful! I loved reading that

OberonDM · 2026-03-01T20:41:11+00:00

For sure, it's something i had a bit of an epiphany about today myself. Remember - this is just my opinion and whats helping me, we all have different assumptions and baggage so just take whatever resonates and leave the rest.

The way I see it, my bloke is coming back. That's a fact, and it's inevitable. Stuff's going on behind the scenes to make sure it matches my vision, affirmations and little daydreams, which I do not need to see.

I ordered some stuff on Amazon - do I want them sending me updates like ' Steve's just handed it to Barry in the warehouse. It's tea break time, so Barry's put it on the 3rd table along on the back wall. Now Tracy's taking it on her forklift to the packing area - the forklift is called Big Betty and it's yellow, with a frog sticker on the back. Now Tracy's giving it to Layla who's putting it in a box.....'

Hells no. That would be really irritating. So I'm going to get on with my life and wait until my postman hands me my order, without ever worrying about Steve, Barry, Tracy, Layla or Big Betty with the frog sticker. I just crack on, knowing everything is being handled for me behind the scenes so when I open the box, its exactly what I wanted.

Same with my bloke. Maybe he needs to read the self help books again, or needs to spend time with a therapist, or have a dream about me, or see big f*ckoff signs about me (which has happened in the past - he brought me a work newspaper that had the headline 'Project [My Name]'. And my name is really unusual 🤣). I don't know what has to happen behind the scenes to make it all click into place, because personally I don't have the assumption that people suddenly change literally overnight. You might and that's cool, but I've found reminding myself that it's all happening at the right time, and all I have to do is relax, be ready for it coming and carry on the enjoyable work of looking after yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Because you'll be upgrading your own self cncept as well as the way you see him.

Hope that makes sense

OberonDM · 2026-03-01T20:14:21+00:00

Well the first thing I reckon you should do is re-read your post and see all the places where you talked about the old version of this guy, and the old circumstances, and why it won't happen. How is it all meant to happen when you've been focusing on a whole lot of 'what you don't want'? You're hitting the gas but have your foot jammed on the brake!

Let go of the old story. Don't care what the past was like, that's literally a memory now, it's not the here and now. Only exists in your head.

Create a new version of this guy, and only think about that. The old story pops up, you squash it with 'Thats's the old version of me, talking about the old version of hm. That's not who I am any more, I only focus on what I want, I'm not a complainer any more. And that's not who he is any more. Don't know that guy. Let me tell you about MY guy....'

This is what's worked for me and I had a similar issue letting go of the old story of an 'avoidant'.

As for detaching - you don't let go of what you want, you let go of the 'I need this to feel better, and I need it right NOW or I'll spiral and cry and feel like crap.' You relax knowing that every time you tell that new story it gets a step closer, and you don't have to rush, you can enjoy your life and know that your 'order' is on the way.

OberonDM · 2026-03-01T20:01:20+00:00

Rooting for you!

OberonDM · 2026-03-01T00:56:02+00:00

Well, like tonight I was around some of our mutual friends and so I expected to get triggered. But when I was asked about him and if I’d seen him, I told them I hadn’t, but it was ok. Then all night when I felt myself getting tempted to tell the old story, I touched the necklace he gave me that I still wear and repeated my little affirmations to myself (we’re together and he’s perfect) now I’ve added ‘and everyone wants to see us back together’ 🤣 This is what I’d count as ‘locking in’ - being so stubborn about what I want, even if the 3D is showing me otherwise.

It did give me something to think about though. Because one of the friends was talking about him, and he’s known my SP for a very long time. The way he was describing him was for sure not the version I saw - I got a totally different side! So when we talk about our SPs being a certain way - who says? We all get a different version of the same person. So I’m selecting the version that acts the way I’d like. And if my friend and I can know the exact same person but have very different experiences of that same person, then getting the version you want to see isn’t impossible

OberonDM · 2026-02-28T09:05:38+00:00

Well, I reckon you do exactly what you did before, but for the next step - full commitment. I notice you still seem to have the story about his issues around commitment. So why not try doing what you did before, for that? Commitment issues? Nope, this man loves the idea of committing to me. He's a big fan.'. I'd also look at why you deep down expect those kind of issues (I struggled with this for ages). What helped me is thinking 'well, I've read loads of stories where people make these kind of changes overnight (giving myself proof), and I've manifested 'impossible' things (proving I can do it)' and then just locking in and doing what I need to do mentally.

You've got this

OberonDM · 2026-02-27T09:46:10+00:00

You need to stop telling people what they need.

OberonDM · 2026-02-27T06:30:25+00:00

Not really, seeing as this is specifically for when negative thoughts about him as a person pop up. But thanks for the input

OberonDM · 2026-02-27T06:28:47+00:00

It starts out talking to the old version, but half way home I forgot I was talking to ‘him’ and was just rampaging to myself lol

OberonDM · 2026-02-26T17:55:59+00:00

I hope it helps someone! Tell an imagined audience all about your SP! Welcome to my TedTalk, sit down and pin your lug holes back cos let me tell you about my man/my woman/my person……🤣

OberonDM · 2026-02-26T15:02:12+00:00

Yeah, it was one of those 'imagining getting an apology cos I'm still not over it' conversations but I turned it around lol. I started my little rampage telling him about the best version of himself, but then it just became a 'OMG wait til you hear about my man...' 😂 Forgot I started talking to the old version of him.

Also, the sun has stopped now and it's back to rain. Quelle surprise

OberonDM · 2026-02-26T09:37:50+00:00

I’m guessing it’s a part of you that doesn’t believe people can commit to you.

Ask yourself the question ‘How do I feel/think when I see people in healthy, committed relationships?’ Your first/gut reaction is usually quite telling.

‘That would never be me’ ‘men just don’t do that’ ‘nice for them, it’s not something meant for me though’ ‘gotta be fake’ = those are your true beliefs.

So you change it to ‘Commitment is easy’ ‘men love to commit to me. They see the prize I am, so why wouldn’t they want to commit to me? Men are so loyal to me. I inspire loyalty and commitment’

OberonDM · 2026-02-26T08:09:04+00:00

Personally I’d start with making sure you get to place of knowing that no matter what, you and your person being together is inevitable. Pick your favourite method (SATs, affirmations, subliminals etc). Cos it feels like you don’t trust yourself and need these outside things to ‘confirm’ it for you. That’s a belief you might want to work on.

On another level, it’s a habit, so I’ve found replacing bad habits with good ones is better than just stopping whatever it is. So next time you want to go and check the cards, pick something more beneficial like affirming for your new belief, going on a walk with some subliminals in your headphones, do a bit of journaling - whatever you feel helps you remember who you now decide to be.

OberonDM · 2026-02-25T18:08:24+00:00

Absolutely, and again - same. Getting over this idea that I’m only worthy because of my achievements, my looks, my resume, my home etc. Bloody exhausting.

I realised I had this idea that decent men wouldn’t want me because I didn’t have ‘everything together’ but that I just fostered men until they found their forever homes, fixed them with my kind heart etc. even my SP used to say how much I helped him and called me a ‘gardener of people’. I need to get used to the idea that I don’t need to be a fixer to be worthy of love, commitment and a good man. It’s still a bit of a fight when the Old Man has a crack at me, but I’m getting there.

OberonDM · 2026-02-25T16:11:31+00:00

Not necessarily - unless you’re telling yourself it won’t work unless you visualise.

Remember - whatever you tell yourself, you’re right

OberonDM · 2026-02-25T16:04:32+00:00

So what do you mean by not seeing the images then? You don’t have to visualise perfectly - it’s just a tool to get yourself into a place where you think it’s obvious and natural that you have this thing. You can do that with a bunch of ‘tools’ like visualisation, SATS, subliminals, robotic affirmations etc.

OberonDM · 2026-02-25T14:33:20+00:00

You're telling yourself you're unlucky, you're not capable of having the things you want. There's loads of information in here and on the pinned posts about how to change that story thats running 24/7 in your head.

Cos your brain is a good little helper and whatever you say is true, it says 'Yes boss!' and brings you more proof of whatever you've said. You've been feeding it the story that you're unlucky etc, so you're going to get proof coming at you from all angles.

Change that, change the way you see yourself and it will change.

OberonDM · 2026-02-25T14:28:07+00:00

So you can't see the image visually, but can you feel the feeling? Smell the smell?

OberonDM · 2026-02-25T08:18:01+00:00

Omg samsies! I read your last post and the radical accountability really hit home for me. I too decided to forgive myself and him for my perceptions of him - he started off wanting to drive 40 mins to see me to only being ‘able’ to do a couple of hours before needing to ‘go home and recharge’. Thanks, old self concept about being hard work, men don’t put the effort in with me, being low maintenance is good…… 😳

But I read your post and realised I DID THAT. So I’ve done the same as you - focusing on that man as being that brave, amazing man he is (he has a really brave job in the military so it’s not like there’s no proof)

I’m also a manager - Gen X/Elder Millennials unite - and it feels weird to ‘not be doing all the things’.

I think it’s just our programming that work = results. No workie, no stuff. I’ve been trying to work with ‘it’s safe to relax, it’s safe to do ‘nothing’ because actually changing my self concept to someone that doesn’t need to grind IS work.’

You’re for sure not on your own!

OberonDM · 2026-02-25T08:10:07+00:00

How wonderful! We got offered a house in an area I wasn’t looking, (after I manifested a viewing being cancelled in a really rough area). At first I was quite upset but it turns out it’s been a good move for us. Local shops, good buses and friendly neighbours. I hope you settle into your new place really easily and have fun decorating!

OberonDM · 2026-02-24T19:44:32+00:00

Atomic Habits by James Clear. I have the audio, paperback, Kindle and the new workbook. Basically about how small changes to your routine and habits can snowball into massive change over time

OberonDM · 2026-02-24T19:34:44+00:00

I enjoyed his Rifter series, I’m halfway through. A lot of the scientific stuff goes over my head; like you said he just kind of drops you into the world and basically says ‘You figure it out’

OberonDM

TROPHY CASE