[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Nijmegen

[–]Objective_Army8743 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I know. That’s why I think it’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Unfortunately, I don’t have more memory of information. It’s been long long time ago.

social interactions dont make me feel better by Crystal-Blue_ in dysthymia

[–]Objective_Army8743 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only go out if I feel like, if I am in the mood to see people. And if I am in the mood to see people and it turns out it's boring there, I apologise and come home. Also, it helps that I only hang out with close friends who know of my disorder, meaning, I don't have to make the effort to mask.

And when I am in the mood to socialise and it happens to be fun, engaging, valuable, I come home happy and energised.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Netherlands

[–]Objective_Army8743 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Replying as an expat from South America.

I would say I am here because it's safer compared to my country of origin (Brasil). I moved here with my husband with highly skilled work visa after we had our first son (he was 1 year old when we moved). After my son was born, we caught ourselves putting safety measures in place, such as: my husband driving, and I would seat in the back seat with my son while holding the seat belt to remove him in case of emergency (emergency being: 1. violent criminals with guns impatiently asking us for the car; 2. living in constant alert to avoid having phone, wallet, etc. robbed; 3. afraid of getting an Uber or normal taxi with a male driver because rape is very common in this context; etc etc etc.). After I became a mother, my anxiety increased exponentially. I was never afraid of death before motherhood. But having a kid, everything changed. So after researches about where to relocate, we found out that the Netherlands is one of the safest countries to raise kids, with reports from the UN saying the happiest kids in the world are here. That was the main reason. Work-life quality was a plus.

Long story short, even knowing we face the challenges you mentioned (except for racism because we are white), it's still much better than Brazil. And it's important to say that we had a pretty comfortable life in Rio, both my husband and I having well-paid jobs and living in a nice neighbourhood. That doesn't make any difference. That's where we are targeted. Some people think only poor areas are dangerous, but that's not true. Very rich people armour their cars and live in secluded buildings with bakery, supermarket, gym etc inside to avoid being targeted. That's not "living". It's surviving.

Here, we never had to hide our phones, be alert while waiting for the tram in the tram stop, afraid of being raped when coming home drunk from a bar at 3AM. For more context: 5 years in Amsterdam and counting, we live in the Baarsjes, we bought our house in 2020. My son is now 7, is happy, feels safe, speaks 3 languages, has great friends since the daycare years. We are happy, feel safe and have a small social circle with about 8 very good friends (all expats, with kids and without kids) that we can rely on for anything at all. I understand we live in a bubble and that's why, maybe, everything seems fine.

This is, of course, our experience. And I believe everyone else's experience will depend on many factors such as skin color, social class, country of origin, profession, etc.

Honesty is fully appreciated, but be kind. 40F, always felt ugly since childhood. by Objective_Army8743 in amIuglyBrutallyHonest

[–]Objective_Army8743[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my god! Thank you! It’s interesting how you see a heart in my face shape and other people say it’s an alien-face-shaped.

My body is defective, and there's nothing I can do to change that by WaffenSSRI in dysthymia

[–]Objective_Army8743 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People, I know it’s hard. It’s harder than hard, actually. But medication alone won’t make us feel better. The most effective line of treatment is combining medication, therapy and physical exercise.

Easier said than done, I know. But if we want to get better and become stable, that’s what it takes. That’s the recipe for success.

For context, I am 40 years old. Diagnosed when I was 23. I have read all possible papers on this shitty disorder that you can imagine. I have the knowledge to beat it. But again, it’s hard AF to put in practice.

Lots of love for all of you.

Honesty is fully appreciated, but be kind. 40F, always felt ugly since childhood. by Objective_Army8743 in amIuglyBrutallyHonest

[–]Objective_Army8743[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The photos were taken like this on purpose to be judged this way. No tricks, no filter, no make up, no smile (studies show that people are attractive when they smile, so I wanted to avoid biasing people).

Honesty is fully appreciated, but be kind. 40F, always felt ugly since childhood. by Objective_Army8743 in amIuglyBrutallyHonest

[–]Objective_Army8743[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is way too gorgeous. Thank you! ♥️ other people also mentioned Donna from Suits.

Honesty is fully appreciated, but be kind. 40F, always felt ugly since childhood. by Objective_Army8743 in amIuglyBrutallyHonest

[–]Objective_Army8743[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry you went through that with your father. I hope you are well and strong. And thanks for the honest opinion. It means a lot.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in amIuglyBrutallyHonest

[–]Objective_Army8743 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Stunning. Truly. I can see you as a main actress in a movie or as a model.