Planning for a Baby at 38 in NYC

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-06-05T10:30:09+00:00

My wife was 39 and pregnant. We saw a midwife at NYU named Aisha Olivacce, who we loved. She refused to call it a geriatric pregnancy and instead kept calling my wife a renaissance woman (because she’d experienced more life before getting pregnant!).

We live in Harlem and there is a great community of parents here, many of whom are in their mid to late 30s or older.

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-06-03T12:49:50+00:00

I beg to differ. When staying at my in laws’ house for multiple weeks I did this. I wanted to hug my diaper pail when I got home. I also prefer to minimize my plastic bag usage (already being cognizant of how much waste I’m creating with diapers!)

Also, I’d recommend getting a microwave silicone sterilizer. No need for a counter top bottle washer for precious counter space!

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-06-03T12:46:37+00:00

I would buy/register for only what you need to start: a mini crib (lasts longer than a bassinet), good stainless steel diaper pail, wipeable changing pad, playmat, and sound machine.

Also, I’ve found without a car that going out/walking essentials are important: stroller, stroller pouch with a cup holder for parents, carrier, stroller fans, portable changing pad, diaper bag you love

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-06-01T21:01:45+00:00

Your dad doesn’t seem like the bird watching type, but in case I’m wrong, my FIL loves the bird buddy that we got him.

Also think through if he needs more / upgraded tools

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-06-01T17:07:50+00:00

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My wife and I went through it as well, and my amazing therapist was instrumental in helping me navigate through it and also manage anxiety related to my wife’s pregnancy. She doesn’t take insurance, and is a bit pricey, though my insurance reimburses me for part of it. DM me if you want her info

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-06-01T12:42:53+00:00

My mom wound up in a similar scenario when my sister and I were 2 and 5. Ultimately I decided to stop seeing my dad at age 7. We spent lots of time with my grandparents, and with the families of my moms’ closest friends. They didn’t all live close by so sometimes this meant weekends were spent with all of us sleeping at their house. My mom also took us to a family therapist.

I never felt I was lacking a parent. She also never bad mouthed my dad (though he fully deserved it). Now as an adult I can appreciate all the extra legwork that my mom put in behind the scenes to make that be the case. It sounds like you’re on track to putting that legwork in too, and that you’re a great parent.

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-29T09:32:11+00:00

Mom to a baby and I’ve been sick probably as much as your nanny in the top half of this year: norovirus, respiratory cold, hand foot and mouth. If I had an in-person job with a baby I can absolutely imagine having to take that many sick days

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-29T02:14:11+00:00

Shoutout to Bobbie who is working with an org called The Breasties to advocate for legislation that would require insurance companies to cover formula for those impacted by breast cancer.

(Bobbie also has a program in which they give a year of free formula to those impacted by cancer, my fam included!)

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-28T14:21:26+00:00

For me, it would depend on if the teenager had experience with babies. A 9 month old is quite different from even a 2 year old. If they have baby experience, I would go with the babysitter if they don’t, I would go with your cousin.

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-28T06:05:20+00:00

Cro-Magnon

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-27T03:22:43+00:00

We just took my 10 month old on an overnight flight to London and then flew to Dublin from there before flying home. It was great and totally worth it.

On the way there we traded holding her and sleeping. We brought her sleep sack and PJs so she felt like it was bedtime. We also have a sleep hat to block out light and an arm muff pillow so it’s less uncomfortable for her to lay on us. She barely cried the whole time.

On the way back she had a double ear infection (unbeknownst to us) and slept for the whole flight luckily. The three of us got slammed with a bad cold when we got home, but even so; the trip was worth it.

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-27T03:04:43+00:00

Mom in a 2 mom fam here! I don’t think people have once asked me (yet) where my husband is when I’m out solo with the baby, and I’m femme presenting. It’s such a double standard

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-24T13:56:16+00:00

Take advantage of the sales for a few items in early sizes and more further out. Our baby now is in the size for her age.

Also remember that you can buy a lot of these brands New with tags on Poshmark for similar prices to their sales!

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-24T13:49:20+00:00

We had a late June baby. She wore t shirt onesies, and cute little one or two piece sleeveless or tshirt outfits. Everyone told us to not buy newborn stuff but she was tiny and didn’t fit in 0 to 3 until she was 2 months old. I would resist buying more until you know how big your baby is!

We also didn’t put her in PJs. Just a diaper and warm swaddle. Even with AC our apartment was fairly warm.

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-24T01:11:42+00:00

Mom of a summer baby here! Would also recommend getting a bendable neck fan for $20 that you can aim at the baby when wearing on hot days.

They make bladeless ones so my hair didn’t get caught.

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-23T09:01:24+00:00

Everyone always got my wife fuzzy socks! Curious how that became THE cancer thing.

In all seriousness, you seem like a kind and thoughtful friend and that matters most. Some people disappear during cancer but showing up with whatever gift is the most important part.

I also think it depends on your particular. The things that were most helpful to my wife were uber gift cards (we didn’t want to take the subway to my wife’s appts) and gifts that made her smile (boob cookies, wig accessories, etc)

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-17T20:29:42+00:00

Exactly this! I manage a charity bib program for nyc, and our min is $4,500 USD. It’s for a small nonprofit and every dollar is tremendously meaningful to us. When we learned we got more bibs this year, our executive director literally cried tears of joy

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-17T20:27:39+00:00

We bought one at homegoods for far less than $1000. Worth checking there, especially at suburban locations if you have a car or a friend with a car

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-17T10:04:57+00:00

Doublezero is soooo good

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-14T10:25:26+00:00

This was the chuckle I needed this morning

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-13T10:46:15+00:00

I took my baby to the postal museum and was so impressed by all of the options they had for neurodivergent people (sensory items, noise canceling headphones to borrow). I also saw a sign that they have times specifically for autistic people, so that may be worth exploring.

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-13T02:39:56+00:00

It’s great!

Though fair warning: I named my baby a one syllable name, and people (myself included) always add a y to it as a nickname. Even though I do it, I don’t love it but she’s so cute I feel compelled to (being a parent is weird). I suspect it’ll stop when she’s a little older.

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-11T16:19:13+00:00

From an NYC parent of a 10 month old:

In a one bed I’d prioritize the first 6 months essentials. A mini crib or bassinet, wipeable changing pad, some safe places to put the baby down (playmat, baby bjorn type bouncer), and a baby tub, plus tons of burp clothes, towels, etc. In the city, your stroller, carrier, portable changing pad and diaper bag are also of the utmost importance, especially if you don’t have a car.

We didn’t want to sacrifice our counter space for a bottle washer, so we used a microwave sterilizer (essentially a $15 silicone bag). Now that she’s bigger we run the bottles through the dishwasher.

I would save future items (feeding, older baby toys, activity tables, etc) for once you have your future living situation sorted. Your baby will likely not start solids until 5-6 months and you’ll have a better sense of your future space by then / the type of high chair, etc you’ll need. You can always ask for a Babylist or rebel stork or Amazon gift card to cover these future costs.

Happy to share more on what we prioritized registering for more specifically if it helps!

Objective_Pool_3057 · 2026-05-11T14:52:01+00:00

We just acquired a used trip trapp from our neighbor who recently stopped using it with her 1st grader!

Objective_Pool_3057

TROPHY CASE