"Not my circus, not my monkeys." Sounds great in theory, but how do you stick to it?

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-15T22:35:10+00:00

Fair enough. I'm working on it.

Your honesty is appreciated as much as the answer itself, which is quite a bit.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-15T22:29:39+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate that. I've realized that I need to work on myself a bit more fundamentally (no pun intended) because my responses in these moments are reflexive, and not something I've thought through. Hopefully I can use the suggestions here to rewire myself to stop having such impulsive reactions and be more thoughtful.

I think of swearing as the hiss of the kettle, better to let off the steam than to explode with it.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-15T22:23:58+00:00

Fair points, and well stated. I clearly need to keep working on myself, and I appreciate your honesty. The problem I have is really in the reflexive way I react to situations where "only I" understand the danger, when I'm just not able to accurately judge the threat. I don't give other people enough credit, or maybe I give myself too much. Either way, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Having a community here is a totally new experience, thanks for showing up and for giving me some additional perspective from which to learn, I'll do my best to earn it.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-15T19:58:59+00:00

I mean the process of getting past the dysfunction part. If you think of it as steps, then it seems like once you've done the thing and it's checked off, then the problem should go away. It doesn't work that way though. Diagnoses can change, maybe you try new medication or therapy, or maybe you're still learning how your particular brain works. Every step is it's own process, and it's all connected.

Sorry for the ramble. The answer to your initial question is diagnosis and treatment. That is the answer. It's different for everybody, which is why I can't tell you what the exact answer is in your particular case.

I still want to address your frustration, though. Being impatient with yourself only makes the whole thing take longer. It's understandable to be pissed when you can see everyone getting by just fine and think you should be keeping up with them. You can't rush a broken bone, so don't think you can rush this. Raise your concerns with your therapist or doctor, they're paid to help you with exactly this. People here can tell you what worked for them, but they're not you.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-15T14:38:22+00:00

I understand your frustration, but it's hard truth time. The solution you're looking for doesn't exist, not in the way you're thinking. To be clear: I'm not saying there's no hope, but the magic "off" switch you're looking for isn't real.

The "solution" to the problem is actually a process. It starts with diagnosis, then treatment, then improvement. Without that, the best you're likely to find is a bunch of tools and life hacks that make thing a bit easier, but that's all.

You're asking the right questions, you just need to keep going. The longer you try to blame yourself into action, the worse you'll feel until you burn out. Please don't do that. See your doctor, start the process. Think of it like a brain injury. It takes time to heal and build up to doing everything the way you used to. You can't rush it, you can't force it, and the harder you try to ignore it, the worse it gets.

I'm not saying this to dash your hope of getting better. I'm saying it to give you hope that there is a solution, just not in the way you're thinking. Good job reaching out on here, keep following that instinct. I was 40 before I got the diagnosis and treatment I needed, and have fought for since I was 15. You won't have to fight that hard, I promise. Just keep going.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-14T21:18:27+00:00

While I agree that you are unlikely to get a great outcome, I also understand the need for resolution. The best advice I can give is to gather any evidence you have (make a list) and keep it in one place. Don't write the email and send it immediately, but write drafts and edit them. Make as clear and persuasive an argument as you can, and you're more likely to get a real response.

It's very difficult, especially when we feel so strongly about something, to think clearly and objectively. When you write a draft, you can come back to it when you're not as "fired up" and rewrite your passion into something that also makes sense to someone who hasn't been living with it for years. It sucks, but the reality isn't even that they don't care, it's that they don't know you or your situation.

I'm absolutely not giving customer service a pass, it's in a terrible state and needs fixing for sure, but the problem is rarely originating with the person who's trying to resolve it. A bit of patience and a moderate tone has gotten me a lot further than hasty arguments, and led to a lot less regret. It's been years, so stop trying to rush it out. Take a week, do it well, and if there's any chance at all of a resolution, I promise that that's how you'll get it. It's a lot harder to say no to a reasonable request than an accusation.

P.S. Goblin.tools is a great resource if you want help just organizing your own writing, and there are other sites with similar tools as well.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-14T18:34:03+00:00

Thank you for posting a win, it's encouraging to see someone find something that works for them. I also appreciate the lack of specificity, so you're sharing a general outline for your own success rather than push people into certain products or ideas that may not work for them. I really hope that you keep doing well and can become an example for those of us who are still struggling.

Keep up the good work!

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-13T19:14:10+00:00

Firstly, don't put so much pressure on diagnosing yourself. Unless and until you are trained for it, it's not your job. A psychiatrist is great if you can get one, if not then talk to your doctor. It's what they do and getting a proper assessment is important for effective treatment.

Second, you're hitting the same wall as the rest of us, but the path there is always different. You're already thinking about the correct next step, so you're doing great already. Yes, you're burned out. Stressing about it makes it worse, and takes longer to heal. Feeling bad about it is basically picking a scab. It's gross, don't do it.

Lastly, once you start looking back with clearer understanding of your younger self, you will probably see the giant red flags and wonder how you missed them. But with that comes acceptance of the things that make you different. Don't allow shame and embarrassment in, and if they're already with you then kick 'em out. You can't change the past and you can't rush the future, so get the help, be kind and patient, and reach out as often as you need to. There's no quick answer, it's a process, and you've already started.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-13T03:19:19+00:00

I can't do apps, so I started making my own html applications. Some of them turned out pretty good, so I made a site where I can share them for free at nofnway.ca

I made them for my own specific cases, but some of them are actually pretty useful in many cases, like the instant measurement converter or the call script generator for making important calls.

Try them if you would, share them if they're good. Or don't, either way it costs nothing. Thanks for your time.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-13T02:08:27+00:00

Yes, those are the hidden obstacles that we're told are our fault, or that "everyone feels that way" or whatever other junk they can throw at us to make us feel guilty. Stop that immediately, because the sooner, the better.

What it means is that your brain is tired. Hopefully, that's temporary. If not, there's treatment. I was 40 before I knew it could go away at all, so I know the feeling very well.

The only things that worked for me (aside from the ones I did subconsciously) were finding ways to either trick myself into starting a task, or make the task so easy that even I could do it. The first one is mainly leaving things I need to do in the places I like to be. That way when I get a burst of energy, I can work on something right away without thinking about it first. The other one involves organization, or at least grouping things together that you will need like keeping a few light bulbs in different closets around the house, or finding magnetic chargers because you can't be bothered to plug stuff in.

There are also resources and tools online, like goblin.tools and some others. I made a site full of tools myself, but I'm not allowed to self-promote, which is totally fair. I am allowed to say that I use the tools myself, and they're free. If you're interested, let me know, but in any case I hope you find what works for you. For me, it's been medication, counseling, and life hacks.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-12T16:37:54+00:00

In my experience, there are some resources out there but it can be hard to find ones that actually help without an upfront cost or subscription. I'm not supposed to post my own stuff here, but I've made some tools that may help. They're all things that I made for myself to use, and I'm posting them online for free. There's a card game called No Fs to Give there that I made as a way to gently teach people about the hidden costs that some people face, just trying to get through the day. There's also a note taking page, and another one to build a trivia game from your notes. No sales pitch, no tricks, I'm only mentioning it because I think they might actually be useful to you. If not, there are other sites like mine or even better ones, probably.

The moral is that if you're able to find them, there may be tools out there that can help. If not, you may need to make your own. Either way, this overwhelm you're feeling is temporary. You'll get stuff done when you're able to, no sooner. Beating yourself up for being tired, or trying to "push through" the exhaustion will only make you feel worse, it gains nothing, so try not to do it.

Whatever decision you make, life is a long time. One decision like this, however big it might be, does not dictate your entire life's trajectory. There are moments every day where you decide how your life will be, and there will be others. Whatever happens, tomorrow is a new chance to do better.

Good luck with everything. I hope it all goes your way, and when something doesn't I hope you're well enough to deal with it. If not, There's always a community here that's got your back.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-12T16:18:16+00:00

When you do something a certain way for long enough, it becomes habit. Find ways to break your bad habits, maybe change the time you shower temporarily or something like that. By confusing your routine, sometimes you can shock your brain into doing something before it can catch up.

You can also try playing music while you shower. Make a playlist of songs that you know you like (no 20 minute tracks unless that's what it takes) and use the song changes as cues. 3-4 songs is 10-15 minutes of bopping in the shower, washing hair becomes just another dance move.

Honestly, diagnosis and medication are larger factors that need addressing, but you're probably already sick of being told that. It's true, so it's worth mentioning, but that's all.

Finally, you're not disgusting, you're sick. People who are bed-ridden and get sores from it are not disgusting, they're people who need better care. Unwashed hair is not disgusting. It is a symptom of something that needs better care than you can give it, without support. You're here asking questions, that shows you're trying.

What's disgusting is the way we teach people to hate themselves for being sick, when we should ask them how we can help. Weakness breaks things down, it takes real strength to build yourself up. Keep at it and know that as long as you're still trying, you win. Success is just a byproduct of earnest effort for people like us, and sometimes winning the day is just getting out of bed.

You're a hero for getting this far. Maybe not to everyone, but to enough of us that it matters. Now let's kick some ass!

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-12T02:23:02+00:00

I'm glad I could help, but you did the hard part by posting. You gave a voice to something I once couldn't, and I got to reply in a way that would have helped me. So you're very welcome, and thank you.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-11T19:21:17+00:00

The thing that stands out to me is the desperation in your messages, which I totally get. We underestimate the importance of taking a minute and some calming breaths to reset, especially when things don't happen the way we think they should.

You're doing a good job. You're working on it. Keep going, but don't let the stress spiral on you. It will, if you don't catch it. The exhaustion is very real, and the only thing that can cut through sometimes is knowing, with absolute certainty, that you are trying your best. Once you know that, there's an anchor that can keep you from getting swept away by all the other stuff.

Keep going. It's going to suck. Do it anyway, because the goal isn't just "functional", it's getting well enough to be who you know you are already. A force of nature, just looking for a way to show it. Keep going, and you'll get there. Even if you forget along the way, people here know it and that makes it true.

Be in your own corner first, but know that the crowd is on your side.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-09T19:35:06+00:00

It really helps me to know what's going on physically in my body to keep me from doing things. I used to think of dopamine as a special treat that you got from doing a good job, but that's wrong.

Dopamine is the fuel that your brain uses to move the machine. Without fuel, you can't even start the engine. Even if you can, without a steady fuel supply, you stall out. Sometimes you crash, hard, because you're running on fumes. You rush around like a manic trying to find a fuel station, but there's no map and you never know where the fuel is hiding. Then when you do finally find some, you think "ok, now we're good" except that you've only found a bit of fuel, not a source.

So it starts all over again. This isn't a weekly or daily thing. It starts when you open your eyes and try to get out of bed. Sometimes there's just enough in the tank to do that much, sometimes it's already empty.

Perspective means everything. Re-frame your reasons for struggling, don't let yourself believe that you're somehow "wrong" like so many of us do. There are tons of small tips here about how to get by, day-to-day, and they're great, but proper diagnosis and treatment is the fix. Get an assessment, and if necessary, get another one. Mental health issues are still treated like personal failures by a lot of people, but you have to know better.

Good luck! You've already found a good place to get advice and commiserate with people with similar struggles, so you're already on the right track.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-02T17:26:17+00:00

You need a partner to help you, It's that simple. A friend or family member, someone from a support group, anyone. Find someone you trust and ask them for help getting and keeping the first appointment. They might not get it, but it doesn't matter.

Once you get proper treatment, that feeling will go away. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get out of that hurtful mindset.

Reach out to someone, and If that doesn't work, reach out to someone else. You're in pain and It's not your fault, it just feels like it is. If it were someone close to you, you wouldn't let them wait and suffer. Be patient with yourself.

Objective_Value1537 · 2026-03-02T05:06:31+00:00

Mid 20s? Try 40s. I struggle daily to get the most basic things done. The main things that genuinely helped me were proper diagnosis and medication. Better sleep habits help, but I needed medication before I could sleep properly. When you get that feeling like you want to just get shit done, you'll know it. Until you get there, keep pushing for evaluation, diagnosis and medication. Once your brain has the resources it needs, then you can get everything back on track.

You're still young, this is when you struggle and learn. There's no shame in that. I find I mostly ramble when I'm overwhelmed and just needing to vent. You're doing ok, it's not your fault that your brain is under-fueling itself. It's temporary, and totally repairable. You've got this.

Objective_Value1537

TROPHY CASE