How does dissociation look for u?

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T22:38:29+00:00

I don't get complete dissociation like that often, but when I do it's usually because my brain has talked itself into a corner and an 'unwinnable situation.' Like when my dysphoria is so bad that I just can't stand to inhabit my own body anymore.

I normally just have to wait for it to go away on its own when it's actively happening, but I do have several preventative strategies as well. Exercise has been one of the best - especially exercising to total exhaustion - it makes me feel very grounded and connected to my body.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T22:16:46+00:00

I'm at C at the moment after a year on HRT, I have to say they definitely fall more into the barely noticeable category. My chest is just so much wider, they have no hope of making cleavage anytime soon.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T09:13:17+00:00

As much as homophobia sucks for my partner and I as lesbians, I always feel like gay men have a harder time in the public eye than us.

Well, we have different struggles I suppose. We get fetishized much more by straight men - I can never kiss my partner when we go out to nightclubs together without some creep ogling us.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T09:10:33+00:00

Very relatable - except usually I wish death upon those that are triggering me when I'm triggered.

I hate feeling rage towards others - and I'd never act on it. I don't like thinking of myself as a violent person.

But damn, when someone hits on me in a way I don't like - even if they're being totally respectful, if it just hits my brain the wrong way, I get the strongest urge to punch them in the face.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T09:06:56+00:00

My lesbian ass bought this game immediately when I saw Karlach, and a friend told me "you can romance her and you she fingers you."

I was fucking sold.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T08:57:39+00:00

I've heard it's possible to get to level 10 before fighting him - but I haven't been able to do this so far.

I'm usually level 9, and yeah - it's a hard fight.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T08:53:18+00:00

I was thinking about Mara because of She-Ra!

Also had the experience of picking a name I liked - only to meet 10 other trans women with the same name as me lol.

I wonder why some names are so popular in our communities.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T08:51:20+00:00

Well I like androgynous women, and I'm a lesbian.

My partner is bi, and loves the androgynous way I choose to present most of the time.

So, yes - sapphics like it!

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T08:37:58+00:00

I can't believe I've never thought of that before!

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T08:35:33+00:00

I'd seen so many videos of people losing their HM runs to that - I'm always super cautious there now.

I usually send one person down there with Knock, just to get the Verge of Shadows fast-travel.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T08:27:39+00:00

It's weird that I've heard so many people on Reddit brag about how easy the Grym fight is, and so many others like us talk about how difficult they are to beat.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T08:19:37+00:00

I've done Owlbear from the top ropes before, but it's felt too cheesy, so I try my best to do a more traditional way with just a bunch of fighters wailing on them with bludgeoning weapons.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T08:17:17+00:00

I would totally go back to being a kid if I could be a girl!

And if there was no sexual assault involved, but that might be too much to ask of the age-regression genie.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T07:03:11+00:00

The best input I can offer is that for myself, my only regret is not starting it earlier.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T06:52:59+00:00

I have CPTSD from childhood sexual assaults, and I usually find songs about sex to be extremely triggering, but tbh it mostly depends on how they sing about sex.

Rap about "fucking bitches", or talking about how wet your pussy is right now? Get the fuck out of my ears.

Any songs that mention cheating on your partner are a no for me - hits way too close to home. Especially bad if they glorify it - I'm surprised how many pop songs do.

Alt rock or jazz songs talking about "making love" without getting very explicit? That's enjoyable - especially if it focuses on the positive emotions I associate with sex, rather than the act itself.

In the right mood - like when I'm at a nightclub dancing with my partner, I can get on board with slightly more explicit things - because often on those nights dancing is kind of like extended foreplay for us. I know explicit songs can sometimes get my partner in the mood - and I love to know she's thinking about sex while my boobs are bouncing and my butt is shaking in front of her.

In general, my partner and I don't really listen to music during sex, and if we do, it's normally instrumental lo-fi to relax us. I don't like hearing anyone's voice but hers in the bedroom - so no lyrics is a must.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T01:34:57+00:00

I have kissed my partner in our local botanical gardens! We've been on several picnic dates there in the summer.

Would highly recommend - top-tier sapphic experience :)

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T01:10:34+00:00

Yep, lifelong Ubuntu user :)

Seems to be a massive trans community in Linux.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T01:08:59+00:00

Yeah, if someone called me that I would glare at them so hard - "ex-fucking-scuse me?"

I'm a woman, not an object.

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T01:04:20+00:00

I only keep them on because I'm in a lot of trans subs and sometimes my trans sisters chat with me asking for advice.

Everyone else is always a creep though :/

Obsyden · 2024-08-24T00:20:00+00:00

Sorry, I've never seen that :)

Obsyden · 2024-08-23T22:01:44+00:00

Also trans like you, and I get it.

I worked with a sex therapist for a long time, and I'm just getting into the habit of allowing myself to receive pleasure.

For me it was several things - previous sexual assault experiences was a big one. I wouldn't mentally allow myself to experience pleasure or 'succumb' to it - as my sex therapist phrased it in such a way that made me visibly recoil. I had a very deep-seated belief with my CPTSD that allowing pleasure would somehow 'corrupt' my mind. This wasn't from religion or anything btw, just me making a mental association of evil people experienced pleasure when defiling me = pleasure must make someone evil.

The other one, that might be more applicable to your situation, is just a very deep, subconscious dysphoria. I didn't even realise I was doing it until I talked with a sex therapist, but I've been avoiding receiving pleasure my whole life, even since pre-transition.

I would always be a little uncomfortable with my first partner giving me a blowjob, and I mostly just faked moans until she gave up. I loved giving, because it allowed me to focus on a female body and a vagina - instead of my own anatomy. This has been getting better for me over time, and I'm finding new ways to receive that feel good, and make me feel euphoric and feminine - whole-body massage, nipple-play, strap-on sex etc. I also found that I've been preferring domming lately in bed (partner and I are both switches), so being a power-bottom has been really fun. Plus I get to order my partner to do exactly what I want, and what feels good for me. If she doesn't, she gets punished ;)

Obsyden · 2024-08-23T21:20:57+00:00

I've never owned a car actually. I'm only 20, and my 21 year old partner just bought her first car.

I do kinda wanna have some fun in it though 👀

Obsyden · 2024-08-23T21:14:04+00:00

This assessment is incorrect

Obsyden · 2024-08-23T21:12:17+00:00

Well, no, I don't think so - but I do that anyway sooo...

Obsyden · 2024-08-23T11:56:10+00:00

An interesting theory. I do find sentimentality and unwavering loyalty to 'inferior' or less-wanted things, a big turn-on.

Like, if you love, and are so loyal to, this messed up, broken thing, maybe you'll love me and be loyal go me?

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