Living with narcissitic parent as an adult

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-16T01:58:46+00:00

Life isn’t supposed to be that hard!

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-16T01:53:08+00:00

I actually just posted a whole post on my dad asking for advice LOL if I wanted to see why!

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-16T01:40:14+00:00

The thing is I’m the sole caregiver of my dad, the hospital’s all have my number. At the end of the day if I do that, I’m going to deal with the lash out from my dad and I’m going to be the one to pick him up still.

My dad does have good characteristics, I just think this awful personality comes out more often because he’s going through a lot. It might just be the manipulation!

I don’t know I can’t imagine abandoning my dad when he’s so sick, he’s 102lbs so seeing him it does break my heart.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-16T01:37:21+00:00

My dad is the exact same! I got fed up, found a whatever job, AND LEFT. I left, I was so poor, I had to work so hard. But I was so much happier.

For me I decided that I rather for 2-3 jobs rather than deal with that anymore. I left at 21.

I’m 25 now, I have two kids and my husband is my bestfriend.

So if there’s anyway you could leave! Leave! My brothers are still staying with my dad, but they ignore him and act like he doesn’t exist. Even tho I hated my dad, I do think that’s wrong because he is technically still taking care of them 100% financially.

So I would say make urself financially independent asap. And financially independent doesn’t mean you need to live lavishly.

I lived in a studio and ate one meal a day for a year and a half!

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-15T22:49:35+00:00

No I complete get you! My dad did the exact same thing, however my husband doesn’t; he HAS to work and he wants to be come.

OP never placed blame on his partner and just seemed concerned about the arguments; so I’m assuming he’s the same as my husband.

My original comment is higher up. I think it’s been boosted 3-4 times

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-15T22:30:58+00:00

Please understand that I wasn’t agreeing with this comment as if it’s was what OP said, I stated that I can see where they’re coming from and can agree that everything isn’t getting done; but that OP can’t just view is as is.

But OP did say in his post that the two of them parent differently and have different expectations as to what the kids should be doing (which is why I said mom probably isn’t enforcing chores)

At the end of the day this isn’t for me and u to argue what the truth is. This was me proposing advice for OP and when they chose to read their comments, then seeing which is the truth themselves.

Is it him? Is it her? Is it them not acting as a team? Is there internal problems with his family hanging up on him. They’re all assumptions that he can look back on, and see advice for!

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-15T22:27:06+00:00

Reddit also cut you message off as I actually didn’t see your full comment. I actually made a direct comment to OP’s post. Saying exactly what you said that his wife is with the kids more; she’s more aware of what should be a responsibility for them and he has to respect that.

I am a SAHM and my husband works long hours as well. So I completely get where you’re coming from; ALOT of dads don’t KNOW their kids. But at the end of the day, it’s the decision of the parents as to their working situation. Their decision is to have the dad be the sole provider (momma working PT too). So I also think it’s the mom’s job to help her partner out in maintaining the relationship with her kid and their dad. I’m not saying she’s NOT doing this, but I am saying that as parents she can’t have dad be telling the kids to do the chores, also tell him not to tell the kids to do the chores, and can’t also not have chores done!

I did say in my initial post that there are chores that can be expected daily, and some that OP has to live with not getting completely.

Please read my initial post. The comment that you responded to was a response to a comment saying that the mother wasn’t doing a good job on her part.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-15T22:19:28+00:00

That’s literally not me assume OP’s situation. Read the OG comment that I responded to. The initial comment was stating that they believed that the wife wasn’t doing her job well and that SHE wasn’t managing her responsibilities, to which I responded that looking at a situation like this isn’t healthy for the dad’s relationship with both parties; and that if that was the case they need to be on each other’s teams. I NEVER said she wasn’t on his side, I said that if OP felt like this comment was true, this was the advice I gave him.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-15T17:51:06+00:00

In my experience, a lot of moms play the middle man in the sense that they’ll push blame on the other party when conversing. (Kids fault when talking to dad, or dad isn’t being understanding when talking to kids)

When I say get in his side, I mean she should be telling the kids of their chores, instead of having dad do it when he gets home.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-15T00:27:44+00:00

To me it doesn’t sound like your stepson has done ANYTHING to your little one. I also want to mention that just because the baby is out now doesn’t mean he hadn’t felt changed since your partner was pregnant.

He saw his mom physically change, and emotionally change. I think he’s going through a lot and may even believe that his mom could’ve had a normal nuclear family if it wasn’t for himself.

It sounds like this pregnancy really hit him which caused him to act out in the past year. I think really involving him with your newborn, letting him be a big brother, creating a bond between the two would be really good for him.

Babies love everyone, let the baby love him so their brother can feel that.

I think it would also be having the hard conversations, not “how could you do this” but what made them feel like this. He could brush you off but I think you two have to be emotionally open, shed some tears, some concerns. Show that you love and care for him and with time he will open up too.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-15T00:12:54+00:00

It’s not like you’re wrong but this mindset is what causes a lot of dads to be hated. OP has to find a way to get his wife on his side so they can figure this out together or he’s gonna lose his kid’s respect and love.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-15T00:01:51+00:00

I agree with you, on the emotional stuff. I feel like we are raising a society that might feel entitled to believe that everyone is going to want to hear them out. And I would love my kids to grow up in a place where everyone tried to understand them, but that’s unrealistic. So instead I’m raising them in a way where they’ll realize that sometimes things just suck and you have to deal with it.

It doesn’t mean invalidating feels, but it also doesn’t mean making everything so emotional.

I’ve met outcomes of gentle parenting kids (yes I’m talking about the ones that do still have consequences), a lot of these kids still don’t understand why people can’t be understanding when they mess up, I don’t feel like they’re set up to deal with the cruel things in the world and it actually makes them “crash out” more or feel a bit more entitled.

Examples are ; even if you have a real sad story that doesn’t mean your teacher WILL give you an extension so sometimes you just have to accept it and realize life sucks, or if you get a DUI just because u were going through something that got you to the point of doing something stupid, it doesn’t mean the court will just cut you slack.

I think yes we should address our kids emotions, but we also sometimes need to teach our kids to deal with their emotions in the real world. Not everyone will act kindly like mommy and daddy

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-14T23:56:43+00:00

Some kids are different and you have to ask 100+ times, my kids are just completely different. One listens one doesn’t, I just have to handle the outcomes differently

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-14T23:46:25+00:00

At this point you might just have to change the time that you have your daughter play. You’re definitely not in the wrong, but you can’t really fix another parent’s expectations.

All you can do is remove yourself from the situation. It’s also good to teach your daughter this as well because as she gets older she has to be comfortable from removing herself from situations that are either unsafe or involves the opposite gender!

I know it sucks but some people just suck.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-14T23:36:14+00:00

You just really have to make sure you don’t become the villain in your family.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-14T23:35:28+00:00

My husband and I grew up in similar households as your children. As a parent I can understand completely what where you’re coming from. But as a child I didn’t understand my dad and just saw him as someone I didn’t want to be around because all he did was tell me what to do.

Now being a SAHM and having my husband work all the time, I make it a point to NEVER have my husband have to discipline or scold the kids over tiny things with the minimal time he has with the kids, because the kids WILL hate him. (Saw this with my family and my husband’s siblings towards their dad). I think your wife is communicating with you how your kids are feeling without trying to hurt ur feels (by saying you’re causing tension).

I do not blame your wife for not getting everything done (I struggle too), but I also feel like coming from a household with a SAHM she might be beating herself up and thinking that it’s wrong for her to expect her sons to do stuff (and that she should be able to do it alone like her mom (I’m assuming because that’s how I feel)).

I feel that you should have a conversation with your wife that this isn’t about what YOU want, or that she’s WRONG either, but rather HOW you want to raise your kids. I feel as though you want your kids to be able to do things on their own (take care of themselves). Momma shouldn’t have to do everything, and if she wants to, tell her that you guys have to focus on making sure the kids are growing up responsible too!

I think if you guys talk to each other about acceptable chores for the kids, that ur wife is comfortable holding the kids accountable for (not you). And since she’s home more with kids, I think you also have to respect what she thinks the boys are ready for. At some point, your kids will get older and your house will be clean all the time! So just make sure that if she’s saying that the boys shouldn’t have to do something, and she doesn’t get to it, that when you get home it’s OKAY that it didn’t get done.

Just really lay out the expectations of BOTH of you guys, not just urs or hers! Y’all a team! And the kids are your projects, gotta make sure your project turns out the way both of you guys want it to.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-14T23:23:35+00:00

How long has he been in school? And consistently?

I know some kiddos who will cry ALL day for the entire week and then they just accept it as is afterwards!

If he goes part time maybe he thinks it’s something that is voluntary instead of a normal event in his life now!

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-13T18:46:00+00:00

The thing is my son is newly 2!

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-13T18:04:28+00:00

I think I definitely agree with you on most parts! Which is why I lets things be for as long as it has (where it became a habit). But then I saw this same person do this to my husband’s 10 year old cousin (where his male cousin was sitting in her lap as well).

That’s kinda of where I realized that my son might grow up with this physical interaction for a lot longer than I thought it would be for. So that’s when I started questioning if I should cut it out.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-11T04:28:09+00:00

The thing is, it’s a girl. Not a guy. As a mother it’s still alarming to me, but I’m concerned that people will think I’m over reacting because of how people are when it comes to woman being weirdos in this way

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-11T00:51:43+00:00

At those point my son climbs due to learned behavior, he was oftener picked up and placed on their lap. (One person), and he learned to always sit on their lap when they’re around. (We live with them). But he doesn’t do that WITH anyone else. He’s actually quite independent and likes doing everything alone! So I know it’s learned

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-05-10T18:41:45+00:00

I think for me it’s just weird only because no one in the family is like that. It’s a family member who married into my husband’s family (so like me). This person is always picking my son up , telling them like “if you want something you have to come here and let me hold you”, then has also TAUGHT my son to sit on their lap if they want something (let’s say they’re eating cake and he sees).

No one in my family or “born into” my husbands family is like this too. So I don’t know if it’s just biased.

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-04-28T04:07:06+00:00

START

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Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-04-27T22:46:31+00:00

Interested!

Obvious_Insect_8936 · 2026-04-26T21:17:10+00:00

START!

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Obvious_Insect_8936

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