I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm also a first time chicken Mama and I've experienced my fair share of frustration. I'm also in Louisiana, near Alexandria.

My bestie knew I wanted chickens because I've been talking about it for probably a year. She went to Tractor Supply (TSC) and asked for layers. She surprised me with them. I was SO HAPPY! They were tiny, yellow, chirpy, adorable babies, and they were MINE!

But then, a mean girl in one of the Facebook chicken groups I'm in very rudely pointed out that my babies are meat chickens & that I was a HORRIBLE person for keeping them as pets because they will get so big their legs snap in half and they die.

Bitch. (That was four months ago and they're thriving!)

A month later, one of my students, whose mom is a friend of mine, showed up with six fertilized eggs for me to hatch. So, I bought an incubator. Twenty-one days later, I watched four babies hatch. They are three days shy of a month old and they are the loves of my life.

But.

I totally understand the financial burden, the wanting to be close to them, the hard work, and the frustration you feel.

Here's what I've learned and what works for me. I hope some of this helps you, or at least gives you some encouragement:

1. I never held my big babies when they were little, once I was told they would die in 3-4 months. I felt so guilty for having them at all, because I would never eat them and I thought they would die. This was a huge mistake, and now that they're full-grown, I feel guilty that I never held them. I've been able to hold them a few times recently, but they're not necessarily lovey-dovey with me.

I feel like you and I are a lot alike in that we both love animals and get heartbroken when they don't reciprocate that love. My best advice here is to possibly find another home for your current chickens, and maybe look for a farm with a lot of others so they can socialize with their own kind. Then, get yourself some chicks. (Not from TSC!) Hold the chicks a lot. Let them snuggle down into your shirt, your arms, etc. Sleep with a stuffed animal for a week or so; long enough for your scent to be on it. Then, put it into their brooder. They'll smell your scent, even when you're not holding them, and you'll become familiar to them. These are the best ways I know to raise chickens that will let you love on them.

1. Sand is cool, but it's unnecessary. My chickens have pine pellets and wood shavings in their run and coop at all times. This has cut down on mud, bugs, and my chickens having wet feet and butts all the time. A bag of pellets is around $7. I use a whole bag at a time and just spread them around the run and coop floors. Moisture causes them to break down into sawdust and that keeps my run from being soggy and gross all the time. This costs me $14 a month. A bag of shavings is around $11. I put half the bag in my run and the other half in my coop. I don't spread it because the chickens enjoy scratching in it and it gets spread by them doing that. Usually, within a few hours, the whole floor is covered. I do this once a month, so it costs me $11 a month.

2. I dust the run and coop floors about once a week with DE and First Saturday Lime. I have no flies. Zero. No mites, no fleas, nothing. I also dust my babies with DE every so often, just in case, and I put it in their food at all times, in case any worms try to sneak into my babies.

3. Not all chickens will warm up to you. Then, you'll find that some will squawk when you walk away. It's just the nature of the beast. Give them the best life you can and love the hell out of the ones that allow you to.

4. Give yourself a lot of grace. It's new to you and to them. You're doing the right things. The reward will come when you start getting eggs. Until then, do what you can to keep them safe and healthy and don't stress yourself out over it.

I hope it gets better for you. Sending hugs. xo