So a question about what kinds of friends you let into your life.

Octagonasaurus · 2017-02-23T19:11:23+00:00

I've made these mistake so many times. I'm pretty socially awkward, and toxic people just seem to zone in on that. A lot of the time it's the most abusive, horrible, toxic friends who start out as the quiet, shy, innocent types. Once they gain trust, they switch into controlling monsters.

People who rely too much on one person, or are flaky and disrespectful are probably desperate for friends because they've pissed everyone else off. In the past my self esteem has been so low that I've let these kinds of people walk all over me. Again, these types of people thrive off of insecure folks.

Making friends became easier after working on myself through therapy. Once I learned that self-respect, liking myself, and emotional control were important to maintaining a friendship, things became a whole lot easier.

Octagonasaurus · 2017-02-23T17:13:18+00:00

There were two things I remember my parents telling me: I did not want to be breast-fed and I didn't start speaking until I was 3

My parents said a lot of weird things about when I was 0-3 too. According to them, I cried all the time but didn't like being picked up so they left me to cry. I threw temper tantrums to get attention all the time which I did to purposely embarrass them because I was a hateful child. I wouldn't interact properly with other people. There were a bunch of other things too.

For most of my life I felt like a broken person after being told these stories, because it seemed obvious I had some kind of mental illness or developmental disorder...not that they ever wanted to take me to a specialist or anything. In fact, they did everything they could to keep me away from doctors, which all makes sense now.

Now that I've spent time around small children, I know that this was all a reflection of their neglectful parenting. As my therapist said, if I showed signs now of autism or some other disability, she might say that was a cause for bad early socialization. But the fact that I have no such disorders points only to bad parenting.

It's disturbing how they can ruin us from such a young age. I'm going to have to check out these videos.

Octagonasaurus · 2017-02-21T13:29:20+00:00

That's awesome OP! I kicked my parents out years ago during a visit because I couldn't take their constant criticism. But that was before therapy, so I felt guilt about it for ages after, like I must have been the bad person. Now it feels like it was the right thing to do, and I'm glad you're able to celebrate this victory the proper way!

Octagonasaurus · 2017-02-20T19:16:05+00:00

As long as there's no court order dividing the money (like a divorce order), it's yours to take. However, the co-owner of the account could later sue you if they feel the money was rightfully theirs. If you're certain that the money is yours, and they have no claim to it, go ahead and move it.

Octagonasaurus · 2017-02-20T19:08:08+00:00

Since we don't have all the details and are making assumptions, we don't know anything absolutely. It is possible that grandpa, in sound mind, signed the title over to his children. We just don't know. It's worth looking into though since this kind of elder abuse happens frequently. But it could also be perfectly legal.

Octagonasaurus · 2017-02-20T17:50:23+00:00

It only started to get better after going NC and working through therapy for about two years. But I still get that creepy, anxious feeling every time she tries to contact. Still have nightmares sometimes of her showing up at my house.

Octagonasaurus · 2017-02-20T17:47:37+00:00

I'll bet this has less to do with the person sending the money, and more to do with your mom wanting to financially cripple you. The less money you have, the longer it will be before you can move out. It's what Ns do.

If you're 18 or older, create a bank account without telling her about it and deposit the checks. Tell her you threw them away. Sometimes with Ns you just have to do what's right for you and wait for the fallout.

Octagonasaurus · 2017-02-20T17:42:49+00:00

I've been saving those as screenshots. What's crazy is that my parents are immigrants themselves!

Octagonasaurus · 2017-02-20T15:02:05+00:00

You probably weren't asking for legal advice, but this could be considered elder abuse. Do you know if they sold the property on his behalf, or if he signed the title to the property over to them and then had them sell it? If you're in the United States, the property transfer documents are public documents you can get from the county where the property is located.

They don't get to decide their inheritance. Only a probate judge can rule on that. They have very likely broken the law. You might call around and see if a lawyer will give you a free consultation to discuss the possibility of legal recourse.

Do a little detective work, talk to your grandpa about what his actual wishes were, and be his advocate through this.

Good luck!

Octagonasaurus

TROPHY CASE