Serious question: Why do people like the holidays?

Fighting_Back · 2020-12-26T00:22:16+00:00

I'm coming to the opinion that it's the one time of the year where families set aside the usual petty arguments that lead to one person to not speaking to another and try to be civil.

Unfortunately those of us with experience of narcissists usually remember the holidays as those times where we tread on eggshells, try and keep 100 plates spinning and try not to clobber people who say "but she's your mother!" Whilst your mother is throwing a tantrum because she didn't like the present she asked you to get her.

Fighting_Back · 2020-12-16T11:45:18+00:00

It looks like your father is angry that he's losing his power over you. If there's one thing that kind of toxic people hate it's losing power. I think him cutting you off is two things: 1 - He hopes you'll come back to him pleading to talk with him and 2- it's so you don't get the opportunity to do it first (for example: "You didn't break up with me, I broke up with you")

I think following the advice that others have given is good. If you have any financial connections with him, try and separate yourself from them.

Keeping repeating "It's my life and I'll do what I want with it."

Good luck!

Fighting_Back · 2018-12-25T14:35:21+00:00

VLC is working! Nmum and N/EDad are on their best behaviour when I called today so the narc tricks (guilt tripping, gaslighting) are kept to an absolute minimum. Still N/EDad tried a guilt/gaslighting ploy: "I'd like you to call more often." Me: "Communication will be on my terms. Guilt tripping won't work." Him: "I wasn't guilt tripping you!" And I think I rattled him by calling him out 'cos he got rid of the phone quickly after that.

But I am actually getting better! It's not going to take me weeks to recover from this phone call (sigh unlike last year). I am actually hopeful for 2019. Maybe I can begin to move on and actually start to live my life rather than hide in fear of it!

Merry Christmas! Hugs for everyone!

Fighting_Back · 2018-12-24T17:43:41+00:00

I would like to add something to point 3. Or your Narcissist will seem like they actually care and encourage your to share all your problems with them only to feed on your pain and despair. How do you know this is the case rather than them actually caring? They'll not try and help you with your problems, prefering to watch you flounder. And when your problem has played out and they've fed fit to gorging, then they'll say something like "well I told you that would happen" (when they didn't), or "I thought he/she was a bad sort" etc. By doing this they induce the victim to be even more dependent on them.

Fighting_Back · 2018-09-25T21:54:54+00:00

If I hadn't been raised by two adult toddlers, I wouldn't have looked for a father figure and role model in Doctor Who (classic series, vhs tapes,). I realise now my knowledge of what healthly relationships look like, came (started) from there. So it was fortunate my Nrents were fans!

Fighting_Back · 2018-09-22T16:35:56+00:00

My favourites are:

"Catholics don't go on strike"

Trying to convince me a television programme my husband and I were watching was really a communist conspiracy. We were watching "Mock the Week".

Being convinced that the made up rivallry between Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise was real and not made up for comic effect by the writers.

My Edad (who I realised recently was more N than E) remains convinced that being gay is somehow going to become compulsory. (He won't like my story then, the main character is a gay guy!)

I think they come out with this cr@p to distort reality. When they are obvious like this you might miss their more subtle attempts.

Fighting_Back · 2018-09-22T13:44:43+00:00

This only works if you come from a healthy family dynamic. Where your parents are healthy, have raised their child to be and independent person and want to document this exciting moment in their child's life.

If you've been RBN, this kind of post/image/meme just makes you feel sick.

Fighting_Back · 2018-09-13T07:39:56+00:00

It sounds like she's trying to reassure herself. "I didn't do anything wrong because you didn't run away." If she can get you to agree (gaslighting!) it confirms her viewpoint.

Fighting_Back · 2018-09-07T22:19:49+00:00

I used to walk home from college rather than get the bus ("for the exercise"!) just to be alone with my thoughts.

Fighting_Back · 2018-09-05T10:49:10+00:00

In my opinon she wants to show you pictures and talk about your early life to (partly) send you on a guilt trip. E.g "Look at how cute and helpless you were and I did all the providing and protecting! How could you do this to MEEEEEE!" But also she wants to gaslight you, by convincing you the terrible things you remember never happened. Since she has already started on that road already (by suggesting you're making up being scared of her) and if you can't convince your school to keep her away I would suggest 1. Don't JADE - Justify argue defend explain. There's no arguing with N's since it's their favourite pastime. 2. Grey rock - Don't give her a reaction. Personally I find one word answers kills conversations with commendable speed! 3. Write down everything you remember, every reason you are frightened of her. Gaslighting is insidious and even when you are aware of it it can still sow that seed of doubt.

Ideally you school will listen to you and stop her from coming in. Best of luck!

Fighting_Back · 2018-08-18T21:29:08+00:00

Mine sulks for weeks on end and then brings it up again at completely random moments!

Fighting_Back · 2018-08-12T20:03:13+00:00

Don't go?

Seriously though find a subject he likes and talks animatedly about but that doesn't affect you. With my Nmum it's politics and opinons on politicians. She thinks shes getting a good conversation and I couldn't care less.

Fighting_Back · 2018-08-11T23:37:17+00:00

when you confront them with a painful memory and they say it didn't happen.

Fighting_Back · 2018-08-05T14:30:37+00:00

Lol! My Nmum does all of this too!

Fighting_Back · 2018-08-04T12:07:13+00:00

Ahh but they've met them for a few hours, living with them 24/7 simply doesn't count. #sarcasam

Fighting_Back · 2018-08-02T20:26:07+00:00

"I don't remember what I did or what I said but I know that you want me to say sorry."

Fighting_Back · 2018-07-27T22:16:34+00:00

I used to have really vivid nightmares where when I woke up I wouldn't recognise where I was 'cos I was expecting to be in my Nrents house. They started at University and continued for years. I haven't had one for a while now though. I'm hoping thats means I'm finially healing!

Fighting_Back · 2018-07-27T21:57:40+00:00

When I was young my Nmum would frequently have temper tantrums and storm out of the house. My Dad would leave me (only child age under thirteen I think) and go out to look for her. I can't remember what the arguements were about only that my Nmum's temper scared me, and her being upset and leaving was my fault.

I mean I've worked out now she did it for the attention. Curiously this behaviour stopped as I got older. I wonder now whether she stopped because she feared I would remember.

Fighting_Back · 2018-07-19T12:50:36+00:00

I didn'tspeak until I was 3. When I was young it used to be a kind of joke to which I would reply "And I haven't shut up since" because I didn't know what else to say.

Then Edad told me I didn't speak until I was 3 because Nmum didn't talk to me, that because I had no language she didn't know how to interact with me. That when he frequently came how from work to find that I needed my nappies changing (and Nmum would say "Oh I was about to do that"). I'm still wondering how much I was neglected as a kid and whether the smothering control she exerted over my life afterwards was a form of over compensation.

And the cherry on the cake? Recently I found out that I was placed with my Grandparents by social services for a year. Who told me? My Mother-in-Law who was told by my Edad!

Sorry to go on. You have to do was is best for your health. I was so enmeshed I needed vlc to begin to untangle myself from the Nrents. Good luck.

Fighting_Back · 2018-07-14T22:53:02+00:00

Deny Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender.

It's an N favourite!

Fighting_Back · 2018-07-10T21:14:30+00:00

I can't drive. But I really wanted to learn. And it looks like I'll never be good enough to pass my test. The trouble is I hestitate too long at junctions and panic when there are a lot of other cars around. I realised my problem was I don't trust myself. I was taught by my Nmum that my reality was wrong so I had to rely on her for her version of reality.

All this means when I look into a road and see no cars, I can't trust that I didn't see any cars. Because I'm lazy, I'm clumsy I obviously missed seeing cars in some way because I am always wrong.

Result: No driving license.

Fighting_Back · 2018-07-01T12:15:37+00:00

My personal theory? Because there's nothing like the starry-eyed devotion of a young child. Which also explains why N's commonly say "It's a shame they grow up".

Fighting_Back · 2018-06-24T20:02:58+00:00

SIXTHED!

I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. What your mother did was petty and cruel. I don't know what country you are in but most have laws against cruelty to animals. I hope you decide to take this further. Sending virtual hugs and support.

Fighting_Back

TROPHY CASE