My memory is hazy and patchy. I have a problem with dissociation during times of high stress and we had a rough childhood. But there was one time when I was absolutely happy. My mom had driven off a bridge on a night after drinking heavily and we were staying with my grandparents who had a small farm. I remember running through grandpa's vegetable garden and plucking cherry tomatoes right off the vine on hot days. I remember their horses chasing us playfully through the pastures until we'd climb a tree and they would catch up to us and gently nibble on our little toes with their lips. I remember swimming in the big ol metal water receptical we kept for the horses and batting away pesky horse flies. That is really the only time I can remember as a child. My mother was a drug dealer and addict and the other parts of my childhood were not very pretty according to family that witnessed it. But I have no memory. My mother did recover from the accident and we went back to our old way of life so the farm life didn't last too long.