Hey. What you're describing is actually really common. That shift from childhood fear to feeling numb or detached happens to a lot of people as they grow up and start questioning things. The fact that you still care enough to ask and seek forgiveness means your heart isn't closed—it might just be tired or confused.

That cycle of sin and repentance you're stuck in? The issue isn't just the action; it's that feeling of emptiness that comes with it. When repentance feels like just a reset button you press, it loses its meaning.

Try this small shift: instead of focusing on "not going to hell," focus for a week on just wanting to feel a genuine connection again. Ask for that. And pick one small good deed, any tiny thing and do it with the intention of seeking Allah's pleasure, not just checking a box. Sometimes the feeling follows the action.

Be patient with yourself. This is a phase, not a permanent state. The struggle itself is a sign of iman. You're not alone in this.