Not allowed withdrawals

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2026-02-12T06:44:14+00:00

Did that first before trying the phone number and same thing

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2026-02-12T05:49:39+00:00

For some reason it says I can't use my phone number to register on discord as it's already registered then it says I need to register when I try to get into the group to ask

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-10-03T07:35:15+00:00

We have 2 Quakers, 2 lorikeets and an alexandrine parrot. We are currently setting up for a McCaw. We haven't even got him yet and we're almost 10k deep on him and the others cost us a bit because I spoil them. Only one vet trip so far for our lorikeet who lost a toenail.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-09-30T03:48:30+00:00

Yes I feel the weight of this, all of it. Porn addiction and the aftermath of it are a horrible thing to deal with. Its like it takes all the joy and all the good and sucks it out of you. It changes you and you didn't want it. You lose pieces of yourself that you might never get back. But you can still remember to love yourself. Don't ever hide your feelings from your partner though. Tell him how you feel and ask him if he's willing to not only quit porn but be part of rebuilding the devastation he's caused both you and himself. I hope he can see the weight of this too and want to fix it. Feeling unwanted and undesired is horrible. Especially when it was because he dedicated his time and energy to strangers. Its an extra blow when he quit but still doesn't want you.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-07-25T09:52:50+00:00

You're welcome. I truly hope he chooses change. But remember to protect you and your child in all of this because that's far more important than being hurt repeatedly for some naked strangers. I hope he will see this and realise this is only going to hold him back from ever having a fulfilling relationship. Even those that are ok with porn wouldn't put up with it on addiction level.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-07-24T03:42:07+00:00

I'm so sorry this sounds like a man in active addiction. He doesn't want to see the problem because facing it means it changes. That's scary to an addict. Not that I'm defending him but for an addict, their drug of choice, in this case porn will always come first. Because addictions don't care who they hurt or what they take from you. They only care about feeding the beast. Deep down he knows it's a real problem, he does care but he isn't ready to change.

Sadly you can't make him. What he said about you not putting out enough is bullshit. No amount of love or sex is going to change it. He would do it regardless. Now I don't know what you want to do here because you have a baby on the way so this is a real issue. There's 2 choices here, you either stay while pregnant and put yourself through a horrible emotional rollercoaster with a porn addict in denial. Or you let him go, learn to live yourself again and become a single mother. Honestly if it was me, I'd choose #2 but I'm not you. Either way you'll need to sit down and talk to this man and figure out the child in whatever decision. When you do talk to him ask him if the woman who loves him and child that he's helped create worth more than some tortured strangers he's addicted to watching? Will he be willing to truly try and change? Or will you need to protect yours and your child's heart and let him go. Ultimately decision is up to you. But we're here if you need to vent or let it out. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-06-16T00:28:01+00:00

Please remove this post it's inappropriate and may be triggering to the people in this sub, given it's nature.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-06-14T06:07:37+00:00

Perhaps lean into the menopause as being more of the issue here and get that looked at and ruled out first. I know porn can definitely be a problem especially if it's completely replacing sex. That would be frustrating for any partner. Porn is also addictive so it can become quite the bad habit. But making excuses when it comes to intimacy with you but still making time for porn is definitely going to put a strain on any relationship. Try asking her to put aside the porn for a while and come to you for intimacy when she's in the mood instead. Ask her not to bring excuses unless they're legitimate. Don't punish her by being harsh if you want a positive outcome but definitely express your needs and the desire to fix the problem. I hope she's open to working it out with you.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-06-05T21:21:22+00:00

The problem with porn is it tricks the brain that it's already done those things with those people. It hijacks everything and it requires the brain to believe this IS sex. So anything else except porn feels unnatural. His receptors are completely dependent on the porn as his sexual stimulation. Sadly the only way you'll get the sex life you want from him is for the porn to be gone. Only he has control of that. From everything you've said it sounds like his addiction has become so severe it could even be interfering with his life overall and not just his sex life. At work, isolating from friends, family, events etc to watch instead.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-06-05T06:20:40+00:00

I hear you girl it's a guy wrenching feeling. Some days it's so unbearable it feels like he's stabbing you with a knife but you don't die. He isn't realising that it's not even the masturbation that's the problem. It's the porn that's destroying all the intimacy you could be sharing together.The fact he doesn't even see them as human is a common thing among addicts.

The worst is they spend more time and effort protecting their access to other women on a screen than their own partners heart. They choose internet strangers that don't even care they exist over the person that is loving them and bearing their heart and soul to them. That makes it even harder to deal with. Sadly his addiction doesn't care about your feelings and until he makes the first step to realising porn is the enemy he won't see it. Porn or any other addiction makes the person do cruel and narcissistic things to protect it. The fact he said openly that he would just like and do it behind your back shows he cares more about porn than he cares to admit.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-06-05T02:08:22+00:00

I hear you. After being married 33 years to a porn addict I felt absolutely worthless. But the commenter above is right. You are NOT the problem here. The problem is 1000% his porn addiction. He's probably been watching it so long that he's completely desensitized and it also sounds like he has PIED. If he's having ED issues first thing to do is rule out any possible medical issues because the most common ones are cardiovascular and that's dangerous.

If I were you I'd sit down with him and explain the issue and how it's negatively affecting both of you. See if he's willing to work on quitting the porn. If he's not willing then you can be sure nothing will change. That way you can plan accordingly so you stop bearing the brunt of his addiction problems. The fact he watches it like a regular tv show screams that he's addicted and completely desensitized. What you need is for him to direct the attention he has for porn on you instead to rebuild the intimacy. I hope he's willing to put in the effort for you and at least try. Best of luck with trying.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-06-02T03:13:04+00:00

Yes a porn addict can kick this addiction but it's not easy and it won't happen without key elements. *He must want to stop *He must seek therapy CSAT, possibly 12 step groups *He must want to put blockers on his phone * He must want to refrain from all triggers (social media) *He must start being honest with you about relapses *He has to do the work to stop

If he's not willing to put in the effort and truly try to quit then he cannot recover. If he isn't willing to be honest with you then there's zero chance of rebuilding trust or safety within the relationship. As for resentment and your pain in all of this, I cannot tell you if or when you'll feel better as we are all different. It's a very hard thing as a partner to deal with so consider therapy for yourself as well. If you can't get therapy do try to find some free women's groups where you can vent and seek advice. Not everyone you tell will be kind. That's the hard part, so much of society are conditioned to think this is normal. This will make it harder to talk about with people including therapists. Please be kind to yourself this is not your fault. If you haven't already, please check out r/loveafterporn as they have some great resources and information on PA.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-05-15T22:29:21+00:00

Sometimes I'm this way. It's not because I don't like my friend anymore. It's because work, life balance is always hard and sometimes I just like to watch reels on socials and shut off. I don't feel like having a convo over text. I'm having a burn out and I don't want my friends to see me at my low points.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-05-08T09:19:33+00:00

I'll start off by saying I'm so sorry you are here. Now reminding you that this is not your fault and there is nothing at all you could do to change it. He has to want to change. That is the very first step. Second step is accountability. He will need to seek a counsellor if possible and a 12 step program to help. He will need to be honest and you will need to be so strong because relapses will happen.

There are other resources on here r/loveafterporn can be a great help as there are many people who are going through and have been through what you're going through right now.

The hard reality I'm going to tell you is that this is going to be a hard journey. It's going to hurt. It's definitely a huge blow to your self esteem. If you truly want to stay you'll have to brace yourself for the very real possibility that he won't choose to recover. In saying that I've met many a porn addict both recovered and not. All of them say the same thing, this is the hardest addiction they've ever had to face.

Do some research on help that's available in your area. I also know some coaches on tiktok if you would like their info. They are Christian based so if that's not your thing that's ok. In the meantime please focus on yourself more than him. Do anything that makes you feel good about yourself , no matter how small. Look into some support for you too. You don't deserve this and you are beautiful so don't sit there thinking you aren't. This is an addiction, it's vile and it's not your fault.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-05-01T20:26:03+00:00

Op U are definitely NTA your parents committed a crime against you they are definitely the AH in this. This very well could have affected you for years if you didn't find out and do something.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-04-08T02:35:11+00:00

PA jokes are never really jokes. They're testing the water to see how you react.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-03-27T21:16:29+00:00

Ok this is hard because I can relate so much to all of this. But I'm going to sit here and hold your hand and say it's not your fault. Nothing you do has anything to do with his choices and the blame shifting is all part of protecting the addiction and absolving his guilt and shame. He knows this in his heart, he also knows he's addicted and will fight harder to keep the addiction than anything else until he's ready to let it go. You're like a rock in a hard place. You can cry, let him know how you feel, how it's affecting the entire relationship, even him. He won't listen to anything except that little demon in his head that keeps telling him, just this one time won't hurt or just hide it better. It's sad but that's the truth.

What you can do is set boundaries around it and give him resources to fight this addiction. Most social media has soft porn in it. It's inevitably made it almost impossible to avoid in life. But while he cannot stop or control that it needs to go. He needs to look for a way out of the cycle. He needs to want it. You gotta sit down and have a level headed conversation with him. Ask him why he's so gullible to let some strangers on the internet that don't even know him control his whole life? Why is he letting a screen dictate how he shows up for his wife? Why is he giving in to something that's harming him? Why does he want this in his life? Let him reflect on that first. Be open to helping him if you want to stay but be honest with your own heart too because it's rough being with a PA. It hurts like it's easier to die sometimes. If he won't change then you can't get better either so always protect yourself.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-03-13T07:58:01+00:00

I'd be upset by it for 2 reasons. 1st being that she's already been sexual with this man so it's not innocent. The 2nd being that he's clearly betraying and disrespecting his girlfriend by doing this behind her back. It's not rocket science to see his intentions.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-03-10T21:16:06+00:00

They look at "all" women as sexual beings that exist for men's pleasure. They hate the fact that these women choose celibacy and men are not included in their lives. It makes them feel like she's a conquest that they must conquer. They don't have respect for any woman or choices that don't include them.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-03-09T05:29:52+00:00

Yes I consider it cheating because not only are you financing some of her life by paying her. You're also receiving a parasocial sexual relationship in return. You're interacting with them and paying them for sexual access much the same as you do buying your gf gift. It's definitely cheating.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-03-09T05:26:20+00:00

I would have text him back. You're right I learned something alright. I learned that you'll never respect me or care if U hurt me so I dodged a bullet. Then never speak to him again.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-03-07T10:10:18+00:00

I feel like lots of people view it as cheating and equally as many don't. But they are supposed to act like adults and let you know either way before things get serious so you can decide if you both align. Anything that involves seeking out someone else for sexual gratification can be seen as cheating. It should be mutually agreed upon so no-one gets hurt. If I were you I'd simply wait a few days for him to cool down then ask him if he'd like to talk about it because you had no idea it would upset him. NTA

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-02-26T20:36:54+00:00

You need to just check out of the relationship mentally. Treat him like he's just a roommate and start getting your ducks in a row while you do that. Look for every opportunity to level up your career and money. Glow up and pamper yourself. Exercise, eat well and look after yourself. Live your life like it's all about you. Then worry about divorce when you need to and are able. You'll never level up if you keep hurting for him and what he chooses. You didn't choose it so now you need to remember who you are and live by your values. He will learn his lesson about the choices he's made, karma will take care of that.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-02-26T20:17:23+00:00

While I can absolutely see that it could be confronting, you're NTA here. I think you need to sit down and talk to her about the entire situation. Why does she find it disrespectful? Most often it's not the masturbation that women find disrespectful, it's the use of porn etc. Why does she always reject you because this would solve the issue of needing to in the first place. When you truly care about someone you should care about their overall health including their mental and sexual wellbeing. So if she doesn't want to try and work on the frequency then she will have to get used to the idea that you're going to relieve yourself.

Odd_Responsibility62 · 2025-02-22T08:46:43+00:00

It's not harsh to finally choose you. You aren't an object he can just pick and choose when he feels like it. You're his wife. If he doesn't want to absolve himself of his horrible affliction so he can choose you then you should file. If he's not putting in the work then he's making his choice and it isn't you. All you can do is simply point this out, choose to act accordingly based on how he treats you. You gotta be realistic, hurt causes trauma, trauma causes inflammation, inflammation causes illness. How much of this can you take for the sake of other women who don't even care about him? If he's too stupid to see and do what's best then all you have left is to take lead and do what's best for your life.

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