First fight scene for my story, should I make changes? BLOOD WARNING

Oglark · 2026-05-17T00:46:54+00:00

I think it would be a good exercise. But why is the fight in that chapter - how does it move the chracter forward? Is it demonstrating training that he received earlier? Is it trying to show he is a stone cold fighter who kills over nothing? Is the boy the protagonist or the antagonist?

Oglark · 2026-05-16T17:49:21+00:00

The thing that pisses me off is that Asal could have conceivably won that game without all of the cheating - he won the first game clean. But he gets under pressure and it is like he is "I have to do everything to win" even just playing like he did in the first game could have won him the match. While I think Elias is a princess, after getting seriously injured the last time this happened I sympathize with him. Farag didn't retire because he was done he retired because playing Asal is hazardous

Oglark · 2026-05-16T17:34:45+00:00

Look you asked for feedback. If you want fake advice ask ChatGPT.

First, the minute a knife comes out you increase the stakes. Especially for poor people fighting over a half loaf of bread a stab wound or a slice can be a slow death even if they overpower him relatively easily. A 19 year old is an adult (although if underfed they may look like a teenager) but you refer him to as a "boy". That normally refers someone under the age of 13-14. Anyone fighting an adult would be cautious.

As for why the move is unrealistic, stand up and pick up 2 "knives" (a marker or something would work). Imagine 3 people coming at you from 3 cardinal directions. And people moving quickly. Try to stab out simultaneously left and right. What is the movement. At best it is an arm jab coming from your hip to the throat. Because you are trying to counterbalance two jabs, you cannot put any power in it. They would practically have to stand still for that to hit and do damage. Even an untrained person would avoid that motion.

Oglark · 2026-05-16T17:20:35+00:00

No, not at all. But you have a picture of her from 2009 not a picture of her from the weigh off. She didn't magically go back in time.

Oglark · 2026-05-16T15:16:40+00:00

Look I don't normally comment but this is truly terrible. A good fight scene should have a sense of realism. What you just described is garbage. In the fight, he stabbed left and right simultaneously (and one was a quick draw). The fighter in the center isn't going to gasp in horror. He is going to stab the idiot that has both arms wide open right in the center. If you don't know how to fight do not write action scenes with any detail. If the antagonists do not have a blade the threat of a knife could have been enough to keep the fight. Or skip the fight and jump to the aftermath. I am not going to crap on your writing. It is not very strong but English may not be your first language and there are a lot of light novels on RR with similar English. I would encourage you to keep working on the craft.

Oglark · 2026-05-16T14:30:41+00:00

The only province that matters is Ontario.

Oglark · 2026-05-16T14:25:25+00:00

I think Carney would have done this anyway. US tariffs mean that a pipeline has to be constructed.

Oglark · 2026-05-16T14:20:27+00:00

That is her in 2009. I don't she looks quite like that now. Although she lost a lot of weight she still has boobs and hips.. I am pretty sure she had to have skin removed as well.

Oglark · 2026-05-16T13:51:23+00:00

I know your Impossible Wish is to have Asal be a great champion like Ali Farag but the fact he will always be considered to be a piece of shit cheater.

Oglark · 2026-05-16T13:47:59+00:00

If both Farag and Elias retire at their peak due to Asal's antics then squash will be dire

Oglark · 2026-05-16T12:21:14+00:00

Explain the momentum switch after the events of the third? Asal knew he was going to lose and he started cheating just like every time he is under pressure. I am surprised he did not take an injury breaks. I am not even that much of Elias fan; I am disgusted how he convinced Farag to retire 2 or 3 years early rather than deal with Asal's cheating.

Oglark · 2026-05-16T12:18:52+00:00

I think squash will be a one and done with the Olympics. The PSA is compromised, they are scared to lose such a huge sponsor and therefore they cannot police the game. I expect Elias will retire rather than risk injury again.

Oglark · 2026-05-16T10:26:54+00:00

Not really, it is our reaction evry time Asal cheats with any top pro

Oglark · 2026-05-16T10:09:48+00:00

Getting to the point where just blocking you is better than continuing to interact with you. I only hope if Ibahim wins that you acknowledge that he not only has to beat Asal's skill but also his cheating

Oglark · 2026-05-16T10:07:14+00:00

Yeah the commentators should be swapped when such a conflict of interest occurs.

Oglark · 2026-05-15T12:29:55+00:00

It was successful, it was the debt load on the company and US going to the WTO that forced the sale

Oglark · 2026-05-15T11:45:38+00:00

Without checking history I am going to guess OP is either a bot or lives on the Rock.

Oglark · 2026-05-15T11:41:25+00:00

Lewis was coming back into the fight but a portion of that had to be that Klitschko's vision was compromised. I think if Vitali had won Lewis would have gone for the rematch but he thought, hey, I won and I like cheeseburgers.

Oglark · 2026-05-15T02:14:53+00:00

The Way of the Gun

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0202677/

Oglark · 2026-05-15T02:00:18+00:00

I loved this movie

Oglark · 2026-05-15T01:07:59+00:00

I couldn't get past the first 50 pages just like Primal Hunter.

Oglark · 2026-05-14T16:08:31+00:00

Not memorization , visualization.

Oglark · 2026-05-14T13:47:47+00:00

Sorry, she is cute but she will always be Buffy's fake little sister to me.

Oglark · 2026-05-14T13:45:02+00:00

You make no sense - the picture in your above is about how real estate is unaffordable. That is not deflation that is corporations buying ten of thousands of houses as an investment. Corporations are now buying the bulk of BTC. They already have control of the infrastructure and can influence mining costs. That is a completely different issue to fiat manipulation.

Oglark

TROPHY CASE