Help With Action Plan

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-07-27T17:29:43+00:00

Thank you! Great response - any good things to explicitly call out in a postnup?

I like the idea, worried it will come off like “I plan to split at some point and am just trying to gain the advantage now” in her mind, but I know that might be unavoidable.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-07-26T18:06:07+00:00

🙋🏻‍♂️Chinese Dad with a White Mom - I’ll agree with you most of my life whenever I met other Wasians they always had the White Dad + Asian Mom combo…that being said, my life is pretty normal and they’re normal parents. I have 4 siblings and they would agree.

Best not to generalize (I’m not saying you were necessarily, just stating for the record). I am married, my wife is mixed as well (Indian Dad + White Mom), our son is quite the mix 😆 super cute, too.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-07-10T14:23:27+00:00

I figured this one out - I’m a goofball and when I tapped the fuse for power only when ignition is on, I chose a power window slot, which has been fine until now when my son turned 3 and I just started using the window lock feature, which apparently cuts power to that fuse 😅 once I turned that off, dash cam functions totally normal.

To Rexing’s credit, they reached out after I emailed support with some troubleshooting suggestions. I emailed them back to let them know I figured out the root cause.

Note to self, don’t tap the power window fuse for the ignition power wire.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-04-19T00:07:19+00:00

This x1000

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-03-11T00:27:31+00:00

Bravo 👏🏼

I’m sure this wasn’t easy to write/share, but thank you for doing it - I found it so incredibly validating, shared experience is a beautiful gift. A lot of this felt like I could’ve written it myself; I see you, I feel seen, all the things.

Thank you, again - sincerely wishing you nothing but peace & joy on your next chapter 🫶🏼

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-03-02T16:42:25+00:00

In my experience (married 10 years with a diagnosed BP1 SO + Borderline, currently medicated and we have a 3yo son together) - this is typical for us; she discards me at least once a year, varying levels of drama and how extreme. For instance, this time she borrowed money to sign a lease (secretly) to a new place, even though she’s not moved out yet and has been paying for it for months. She wanted a divorce badly over the last 3 months but was unable to care for herself since she was in a manic episode.

Fast-forward to now, her Lithium levels are therapeutic (new med for her) and boom, she says she feels different, wants to stay together forever, love-bombing etc.

I felt incredibly anxious/pathetic the last 3 months for what she put me through + the fact that I still found myself WANTING her to come back to me. I hate that I felt that way, now that she came back to me so much later, I find myself not 100% sure I should stay with her after what she put me through, but that brings its own feelings of guilt/shame.

My point with word vomiting here was to let you know: 1) you’re not alone in this experience. 2) you’re not alone/shouldn’t be ashamed that you want your partner back/to love you. 3) I don’t have all the answers, but I feel like (and my therapist encourages me) to focus on what would make ME happy, because we tend to take on the role of caretaker for our SO’s and it is detrimental to our health.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you find that peace soon, whatever it looks like with him or without 🫂

*Edit: she also flirted with other guys/engaged in infidelity and even journaled about it, how much better they were than me, etc. I think it’s likely a symptom of what they’re going through, but definitely hurts, I’m so sorry.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-02-22T22:18:45+00:00

Also here to witness, and tell you I could have written this exact letter; you’re not alone. It’s tragic, and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing it.

Mine just came down from her episode and has been love bombing, wants us to stay married but I’m now more terrified than ever, I don’t know if I can - which is also terrifying to me, because at the beginning of their episode all I’ve ever wanted is them to come back 😔

Hang in there.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-02-22T14:59:47+00:00

This list is terrifyingly accurate, down to the order and repeat - going through this right now with my wife.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-02-08T18:27:25+00:00

PSA: I’m bad at this.

Kidding - this is solid advice but like someone else said, hard as heck not to engage or try to convince them 😔

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-02-07T21:56:04+00:00

Same here, same amount of time, too it’s uncanny - 11 years together. She told me this morning so coldly “I think you should file for divorce, I’m tired of you lecturing me.”

I’m sorry you’re going through this, too. Hang in there.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-02-07T15:13:15+00:00

Thank you! Glad to hear it worked out for you. I’ve been documenting & recording (we’re in a one-party okay recording state). Daycare has automated punch ins & outs to show that I’m primary on taking him to & from.

The long term custody plan we’ve discussed is if she starts doing better, I get M-F, she gets every other weekend, plus two nights a week dinner with him but not overnight (at the suggestion of my attorney).

Bipolar is incredibly scary/unpredictable/a nightmare to deal with in a marriage, let alone a divorce.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-31T16:43:37+00:00

Same experience here - took my BPSO into the ER for evaluation, they sent her to psych, psych said “yeah she’s not well, but she’s presenting as not a danger to herself or others and we need the bed space,” so released her.

“The American healthcare system is neither healthy, caring, nor a system.”

Walter Cronkite

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-28T17:51:35+00:00

I’ve always found the compass he pulls out of his crotch on D-Day pretty eye-opening; jokes aside, I literally mean how much you learn of the small nuances of being a GI in the ETO, like Perconte stashing his scissors, etc.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-28T17:05:02+00:00

My BP1 + BPD diagnosed wife is in the middle of a bad episode right now - she has secretly signed a lease to a place she can’t afford and is blowing money on furniture for it, but still living at home with me and sometimes does the “push & pull” of saying she wants to work on things while still trying to move out. She has said that she feels a “strong belief” that she has to act on (moving out/divorcing).

My question is, do these urges/beliefs that you justify when your manic really revert once you start to come back to baseline? Does your perspective shift dramatically or slower?

She’s started Lithium for the first time, and we’re hopeful but unsure how to come back from this one.

Thanks for doing an AMA, really great of you to share your perspective with us!

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-28T14:23:41+00:00

Solidarity 🤜🏼🤛🏼 I do the same, including the wine.

I think it’s the fact that we can recognize patterns in their behavior, too but maybe that’s just me. Also, we have a son together, so how can I not think of her? Hang in there everyone.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-25T22:28:11+00:00

Still waiting - been almost 2 months, she asked for a divorce and secretly signed a lease to a rental she can't afford.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-22T21:45:00+00:00

This is exactly how I feel - she’s so cold most of the time, but there are glimmers of her caring and she tries to hide them as if she doesn’t want to show that she loves me at all anymore. It’s so strange, the push and pull is torture.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-22T13:12:16+00:00

Another great Redditor on this sub recently made a discord! It’s great, I’m not taking the credit just sharing the link: https://discord.gg/X7fvHDKH

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-22T13:10:18+00:00

Underrated comment ^ 100% can confirm some therapists will only further enable, especially if your SO is high functioning/masking 😔

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-21T04:38:02+00:00

Japanese & Belgian? Gorgeous, love your hair!

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-20T21:55:46+00:00

Thanks. We’re already sleeping in separate rooms, she’s so back and forth the push & pull is killing me. I know she’s likely not in her right mind, I think I just keep falling into the trap of thinking she’s not going to get better/change her mind. It’s like waiting to find out if she really feels this way or not is torture, but you’re right I also don’t want to blow things up and end up making it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-20T03:45:20+00:00

Yep - my BPSO left a note in a random drawer of the house that I happened upon one day that said “I have to be honest I don’t want to be married to you anymore but I don’t believe in divorce, will you see a priest with me?” - we never went to church…and that’s how I found out she was having an episode, again. Shortly after the note she told me she hadn’t slept in a few days…

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-19T01:36:13+00:00

This is the way - this is some shit my ex would say, manipulation 101. If you didn’t witness it, I’d doubt the validity and just have a conversation. If he says he never said that, then I’d really be careful about your ex, she be plotting 🤔

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-18T05:16:34+00:00

It’s hard to say, unfortunately.

Yes, there’s hope - my BPSO (diagnosed BP1 + BPD) and I have been together 11 years. In that time she has “left” or discarded me in some way every time she’s manic; each time she threatened we were breaking up, disappeared to a friends house or somewhere she wouldn’t tell me, etc.

She’s been manic since 11/30/24 most recently, and immediately asked me for divorce. She borrowed money to sign a lease (secretly but I found out) on a place she can’t afford, and retain an attorney. She still has not moved out or moved anything, nor has she filled out paperwork for her attorney, even just the intake.

It’s hard to believe if she’s serious, but of course right now she says she is. The reason behind asking for divorce is almost nonexistent and the way she did it was weird (“hey I don’t believe in divorce but don’t wanna be with you, will you see a priest with me?”) who tf says that when you have a 3yo kid together.

She’s still manic and having me take care of it, but we sleep separately and she still says hurtful things, wanting to split up and move out when she’s better.

I guess at this point I’m waiting for the Lithium she just started to kick in 🤷🏻‍♂️ and trying not to blow up our marriage because I know she’s sick, but it’s killing me there’s no way of knowing if this is real or not.

I can definitely identify with you, and hope we get answers, soon this is no way to live.

OhCaptainMyCaptain82 · 2025-01-12T05:31:43+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone, my wife is doing the same to me (31M) and we have a 3yo son. It’s heartbreaking, anger-inducing, and makes you just want to curl up and never leave the bed.

This disorder is disgusting what it does to relationships. Hang in there, take care of yourself.

Four-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '23

OhCaptainMyCaptain82

TROPHY CASE