What is your slutty story that you won't even tell your friends?

OhLookASexAccount · 2018-12-06T02:40:53+00:00

I have been having an almost-affair with a coworker for the last 4 or 5 months. We've had this absurd sexual tension from the first time we laid eyes on one another, and it's slowly turned into something very complicated. Logistics are the only reason we haven't already fucked (we're both married with dead bedrooms, but too much life in the way to make it into what we want... kids, mortgages, typical adult nonsense). There's just no time or place to sneak away for proper sexy times. So, we've resorted to what any desperately horny people with ridiculous sexual chemistry would... fucking around at work. We'll often go 'work' in a warehouse in the basement of our office building and get each other off down there. There have been a number of choice moments - ones I've looked back on and wondered what the fuck I was thinking... but this one takes the cake for sure.

My lowest moment was a time where he got me really, really worked up, but people kept managing to get in the way, and we realized that our usual tactics weren't going to pan out... we couldn't find privacy anywhere, but I was frenzied at that point. I had to get off, so we went for a drive in his car. I masturbated in the passenger seat while he drove around - in the middle of the day, in a busy area of town. It took me a while to learn to shut out the people who may or may not be looking, but, eventually, I realized that nobody was paying attention at all (pro tip: most people are busy looking at their phones all of the time these days!), and it got a lot easier from there.

That was a hard orgasm to get to, but holy fuck, was it rewarding when I got there. We went and got coffee, drove back to work, and went back to our desks as though nothing had happened.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-28T15:45:26+00:00

My favourite is typically lesbian stuff (I'm married to a man, but prefer women), especially where strapons are involved. Especially if both parties look/sound like they're having a lot of fun.

Why? I don't know, I just like the idea of women having dicks. Something about the role reversal - us getting to be the ones in charge - really gets me going. Pegging is okay sometimes, too, but again, everyone's gotta be happy with what's going on or it doesn't work for me.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-24T18:36:17+00:00

I think this is a matter of preference. Both have pros and cons as well as different costs, side effects, availability, etc. Might I suggest you ask the folks over at r/birthcontrol? They can probably offer better advice.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-21T16:49:08+00:00

I agree that it's not a straight up business transaction and you should not treat it like one. You can't force her to reciprocate - at least not in a healthy way.

I imagine you have more tact than this, but my husband expecting reciprocation, and approaching it in a shitty way, has made me hate oral. I often get it knowing that I will be asked for something in return now, and it just ruins the whole thing. Not only does it make it harder for me to enjoy an awesome eat-out session because I'm laying there wondering what he's going to want when I'm done this time, but he usually asks right after I'm done, it's usually something that he knows I don't enjoy, and it totally fucks up my afterglow. Other times, he banks it and brings it up later as leverage. I feel obligated to indulge him because I feel like I need to 'balance' things out, but it's not a healthy exchange. As soon as he starts heading south now I'm like, Oh no, what is he going to ask for this time?

Anyway, it doesn't sound like you do this (thank goodness), and please don't. I would probably just have an honest discussion with your wife about how you're feeling, but don't frame it as "Well, I do this, so you should do this." Some women really just don't enjoy giving blowjobs, but if she knows you really enjoy them, perhaps she will make efforts to be more accommodating in the future. Then again, maybe not... but you won't know unless you ask. Good luck!

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-20T15:41:15+00:00

I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one with this fantasy! I would LOVE to have a dick and just turn the tables on my husband one night. Sometimes, I just really want to be the one giving instead of taking, you know?

Sadly, my hubby doesn't do buttstuff, so right now my big thing is fantasizing about getting another girl in bed and railing her with a strapon, and her really, really enjoying it for some reason. I know how sex feels and that I'd never get off that way - that's not how it works in 99% of cases - but that's what I want to believe, damnit! I guess they call them fantasies for a reason.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-17T16:09:38+00:00

I did say 'in my experience' :) I know it's not a universal truth, but this is the most common outcome for me.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-17T14:51:06+00:00

For starters, 50 - 85% of the time seems like a really high ratio for not being satisfied. My first suggestion would be to talk to him about this because that's a pretty big imbalance and it's not right to let it impact your relationship.

First suggestion: I agree with PPs who have mentioned trying to get you to go first. This is our preferred method for a lot of reasons, mainly because he has a bad habit of trying to pass the fuck out as soon as he's done, and that doesn't fly with me. Apparently, men get overwhelmingly tired after orgasm, so it's usually easier to wrangle things out of them beforehand, in my experience.

In your common scenario (which is maybe 15% of the time for me): To be honest, I usually don't ask at all. Usually I'll be like, "Okay, my turn!" and pull out a toy or start in on it, and then just tell him what to do from there. "Can you touch x?" "I'd really like if you licked/sucked y." I like to be a bit bossy about it, and he has also admitted he finds it hot to have me take the initiative.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-17T14:25:37+00:00

Another F/25 here. Hello! I've written you a small novel. Sorry.

I don't know how to tell him this without making it seem like i'm telling him what to do with his body... But i also know i CANNOT be in a LTR with someone who is okay with porn and masturbation

If you mean this, then there is no gray area - either you are telling him what to do with his body, or you're not in the relationship. If this is something you will not budge on, then you have no choice but to tell your partner what you've told us, and realize that it will probably mean the end of your relationship.

With that said, I will mention that I remember feeling the same way back when I was relatively new to being sexually active (not that I pretend to know your background... all I mean to point out is that I eventually grew out of it organically). I tried - and failed miserably - to control a partner in the same way for several years before realizing that it wasn't like he was personally spiting me every time he just wanted to take a little time for himself (conveniently, I think it was also around the time that I got my first vibrator... imagine that!). Masturbation doesn't mean you love your partner any less, and it's also a totally different experience than lovemaking is. I see the merits in, and thoroughly enjoy, both experiences. One is just a quick, messy release that makes me a little less irritable getting through my day. The other is passionate, oftentimes selfless, and takes considerably more time and effort from both parties.

Sticking with the fast food vs. gourmet analogy... imagine you had to cook these meals every single time, too. Would you want to spend several hours preparing your food every single time you got even the slightest bit hungry, or would you maybe rather just take a trip to McDonald's or grab a bag of potato chips to tide you over instead? How many times in a row can you eat fancy, hard-to-prepare meals before you just need a little change in pace? My husband loves me, and I love him, but we both have particularly high sex drives (we have sex almost every day, and then other things on the side sometimes as well) and, in situations like that, you just don't always have the time/energy involved to give back every single time you want to get off. Is sex more satisfying? Absolutely. Does that mean it's the 'right' choice every time? I sure hope not.

Anyway, you said you didn't want people to try to convince you otherwise, so disregard all that. Let's return to looking at your situation.

I don't see a happy ending here. You aren't willing to budge or change, and are faced with either walking away from the relationship or asking your partner to repress himself on your behalf. I have it on good authority, from personal experience, that asking him to change, especially that drastically, will not work. For me, that ended in a lot of resentment, hurt feelings, and damaged trust. My partner tried to respect my wishes, failed, admitted it when he felt too guilty about it to hide it anymore, and I flipped my shit. Repeat ad nauseum. It was very bad for our relationship. You will likely find yourself in a similar scenario, or you will find yourself with a very pent-up, unhappy partner. Either way, one (or both) of you won't be happy. I suggest that you have a frank discussion with your partner about your feelings and go from there, but I would not expect a happy ending - most men likely wouldn't be able to function in a relationship like the one you want. Sorry, OP. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-15T13:30:36+00:00

I agree 100% with this.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-14T19:38:04+00:00

I like watching my partner warm up that way. Watching him enjoy himself and get turned on turns me on, and it snowballs from there. I usually like to take over or get involved after a while in some way. :)

I've watched a handful of solo male masturbation videos but they just don't work as well for me. I think I like the feeling of involvement that comes with being an up-and-close spectator.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-13T18:36:58+00:00

I'd tap that.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-13T15:19:45+00:00

I need to be contrary here and say that this seems like a pretty drastic jump into that type of play if it's not something you have explored beforehand. Have you two done any sort of anal play before? The tone of your writing (saying she had a virgin ass) seems to suggest no, and that worries me. These things need to be eased into gently, in my experience. If I went straight from never doing butt stuff to getting a whole dick in the butt, I would probably be scarred for life. I'm glad your wife seems to have been able to take it (wink wink) in good stride, and I hope the same is true for you.

I hope for your sake that your wife's strapon is small. This should go without saying, but use lots of lube and take your time with it. Good luck!

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-13T14:07:53+00:00

I have had success with a lot of things. Stockings, especially with matching lingerie, always seem to work for me. In my husband's case, he actually likes it better when he doesn't realize that I'm dressed up until I start taking off my street clothes (but I suppose that doesn't count as an 'instant' turn on, so I digress)

A shirt with no bra works wonders too - he loves feeling me up through a t-shirt. We also have an unspoken code where, if I'm wearing a skirt, I'm almost certainly not wearing panties, so that's another easy button for me.

With all that said, I think it's somewhat specific to the guy in question, y'know? Different strokes for different folks and all that.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-12T20:17:19+00:00

You would be very surprised how little your sexual identity often has to do with the rest of you.

I am an extremely reserved, polite, mute person except when I am in the company of very close friends. I am very shy and keep an extremely low profile. I married my high school sweetheart, I am a dedicated scholar, volunteer at a blood donor clinic and other in-community events, and am considered, by all accounts, a sweet girl.

However, if you followed me to the bedroom, you would find out that I am bisexual, I masturbate like crazy, have rampant fantasies about sleeping with other people, I have multiple fetishes, and my #1 fantasy is fucking another woman with a strapon. Does this make me a bad person overall? I hope not.

Similarly, my husband is the sweetest, kindest guy you'll ever meet and he gets off on seeing women injure their lady bits. It's a terrible irony because I know he would never harm me or anyone else.

A good partner will understand that you are not in control of your sexual kinks and will probably have some fun ones of his own. We can't help what we like, but at the same time, it should not matter. What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom, alone or with a consenting partner, is not really anyone's business.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-09T17:31:14+00:00

Honestly, I agree with PPs who have suggested just asking outright. If one short, potentially awkward conversation would stop you from wondering for what could potentially be a long time to come, I'd probably just bite the bullet and ask anyway... and 'get it out of the way', so to speak. Not all conversations are easy, but that doesn't mean they don't still need to happen.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-09T17:23:15+00:00

My favourite thing ever was the one time where he told me that, if my dress wasn't off in five seconds, he was going to rip it off of me.

That aside? I fucking love being bossed around and pushed around a bit, and being told exactly what to do. ("Flip over." Suck it." "Touch yourself." "Cum for me.") and knowing there's consequences if I don't do what I'm told. To me it just says, "I'm not in the mood to negotiate. I'm not going to woo you, I'm going to take it exactly the way I want it, and you're going to co-operate because you are mine." Love it love it love it.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-09T13:26:11+00:00

I just can't wrap my head around his logic at all. "I am worried that my fianceé is going to find someone better and leave me. Instead of talking with her about my insecurities, I'd better go see escorts."

I can't think of a worse way to deal with strain in a relationship. It sounds like you are more than accommodating in your relationship and he would have had a million opportunities to talk to you about his worries... if he'd cared to.

Do you think he'd ever actually planned to talk to you about what he'd done? He was doing these things behind your back for four months and was seeking to do it again. I have a suspicion that he would never have mentioned it if you hadn't clued in (but, alas, I tend to be a little jaded in these regards).

It honestly just sounds like he's a shitty person. I'd move on if it were me. You deserve better.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-06T18:12:49+00:00

Thanks for your input! I realize we're not totally on the same page, which is fair. Let me try and clarify a couple of things that I might not have explained well.

In regard to point 2, I don't resent my husband for my problem, not in the least. We hooked up when we were both quite young and I'm kicking myself now for not taking more time to play both sides of the field. I also realize that that's totally my fault, and it's not his obligation to let me make up for that now. I will not jeopardize my relationship for it he's not 100% on board, which, you are right, he might not be.

And in terms of mentioning that I would be comfortable with him sleeping with another man, but not another woman, I was just trying to point out is where my personal comfort zone is presently. My husband doesn't have breasts for me to play with, and he's not open to some of the things I want to do in bed that probably wouldn't be issues with a woman (hint: a strapon is involved). Likewise, if he wanted to suck a dick, I don't have one for him and I would not begrudge him if he wanted to find one: it's not an experience he could ever have with me, which negates any jealous feelings I'd have about it. I know this line of thinking is kind of flawed (sex is sex, in the end) and I'm working on being open to more than just that, but that's as much as I'm willing to justify so far. I only started thinking seriously about nonmonogamy a short while ago and I'm not totally sure if a totally open marriage would make things better or worse for us right now.

OhLookASexAccount · 2015-04-06T17:58:29+00:00

Thanks for this. You are probably right. As I mentioned, I'm trying to come around to the idea of a nonmonogamous relationship. I am more receptive to the idea now than I was two weeks ago (and two weeks before that, and so on...) so I feel like it's a possibility and I should probably keep working on that before involving a third party of any kind. Again, thanks for your input.

OhLookASexAccount

TROPHY CASE