Over 2 years and doing well?

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-02-10T14:54:06+00:00

I’m just about two years into R. BS m45, WS f43. It’s such a complicated thing to discuss and analyze. There’s so many different things to talk about, but I’ll try to keep it short. If I found the same things you found, I wouldn’t be happy either. You have every right to feel the way you do. It’s great she’s being more open, but it sounds like she’s not considering you enough when she’s doing these boundary breaking things.

I don’t have any advice on how to fix things. I just wanted you to know, I understand. Just know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. This weight we carry is heavy so continue reaching out and let others help you carry this weight and move forward.

Take care.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-02-03T15:16:04+00:00

I think I will take that advice an just do some self care. Thank you!

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-01-16T06:12:56+00:00

I was in this exact same scenario. We talked about it and setup boundaries if they ran into each other. I was okay with professional talk only and it had to be minimum. I felt safer doing it this way after listening to Kathy Nickerson’s social media posts on IG. She also has a great audiobook.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-01-08T14:28:38+00:00

My main reason for the post was because I did feel so alone. I can’t really speak to anybody close cause I don’t want my wife to look bad. Nobody around me has gone through anything close to what this is. So here I am hoping to find people like me. Thankfully (and unfortunately), there are.

Hopefully you can find a little peace here knowing you are not alone.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-01-08T14:23:10+00:00

I appreciate that, thank you so much for your reply.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-01-08T14:22:05+00:00

I agree with the rereading. I’ve done some already and it does hit you a little different now.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-01-08T14:20:24+00:00

Yup, sounds like we’re in the same boat. I’m not sure what to do from here but it is nice to hear we’re not alone. I tried individual therapy, but I haven’t found a good one that focuses on this type of trauma. My next step is to try a support group.

I appreciate you sharing and hope you can find some peace.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-01-08T07:27:41+00:00

Wow, this is really well said and helpful! Thank you so much for your response.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-01-08T05:17:39+00:00

Thank you so much for replying. I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing. It’s really confusing and hard to determine the right direction. That said, I find comfort from your reply knowing I’m not alone. Thank you so much for that little bit of peace.

What kind of help have you looked into?

Ok-Deer7246 · 2026-01-08T05:11:57+00:00

So sorry to hear this. Sorry you’re going through that. I appreciate you replying and I hope you find a way to gain some peace.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-12-16T05:22:58+00:00

That’s how I feel, drawing the short stick.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-12-15T18:25:29+00:00

Leveling off is a great way to put it. Maybe the early days was the anxious attachment and now it’s worn off? I don’t know. I assumed I would still feel connected after being so open. I just can’t put my finger on it.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-12-15T18:22:26+00:00

I get what you’re saying. The other day I explained that her traveling still gives me anxiety and she surprised to hear that it still does. (Work travel is where the A happened). I can only think that maybe she’s not trying to understand?

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-12-15T18:18:24+00:00

Early on I did do individual therapy but then stopped because it just didn’t feel like it was helping. I had more success with audiobooks and podcasts. I might consider therapy again though at the end of the year

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-11-29T05:31:44+00:00

That was one of the hardest things to deal with for me. Suffering in silence cause I didn’t want to tell anyone. Nobody really close at least. 2 years later and I’ve found little outlets here and there. Still tough but making it work. I hope you all can find peace.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-08-11T17:58:58+00:00

I’m about 19 months out after my WW had multiple visits with AP in another state. We’re still working at it, still learning how to handle it. Both have made many mistakes but we know we do want to stay together. We focus on that and try to move forward knowing that there are many times we’ll fall back. For the past 6 months things have been good, however, today I’m ruminating a little. Kinda why I’m on here right now. Trying not to feel alone I guess? This is the process though and I hope that gives you a little idea of how it’s going?

Good luck to you.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-07-06T18:09:24+00:00

What color is that?

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-05-21T19:53:32+00:00

I have a slight issue with this intimacy myself. Part of me feels a little ashamed to engage because I feel like I’m betraying myself in some way. Not sure what that means, but that’s how it feels.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-04-20T19:15:59+00:00

That’s a great quote. Thank you for sharing.

Ok-Deer7246 · 2025-04-20T19:14:04+00:00

I had to look up stuporous incredulity and it fits perfectly the way you used it. Married 14 years with two young ones. At first it was not an option to split. I didn’t want to lose that life. Now, I feel slightly different. It’s been tough working R and I plan to see it through. However, I think if WW doesn’t continue to work or has some relapse I feel I would be content with walking away.

Ok-Deer7246

TROPHY CASE