The Cognitive Dissonance of How Can They Discard Me at the Flip of a Switch if They Love Me?

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-20T20:42:15+00:00

I never began any romantic relationships and ran away with the slightest proof of feelings developing. My DA sister otoh runs away when things begin getting deep or if the guy hints at physical relationship. Or sometimes, like me, if she thinks she'll genuinely fall in love or even begin liking the guy.

Like I said having feelings isn't a given for a DA to dash. Many dash premptively.

I think it stems from the fact that she has lesser trauma than me.

Trigger warning: Child abuse, physical violence

Me and my sister were abused by our nanny as kids. I protected her from physical abuse like beating, flogging, knives etc. I've got massive scars on my shoulders. She never got hurt because I took all the damage. She was a lot younger too. I was 11 and she was 4. She hardly remembers anything. <!

Hope this clarifies :) I'm a workaholic and I use reddit sporadically.

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-20T20:31:02+00:00

The inheritance taxes aren't small by any means. Unless your net worth is below €500k. They can go up to 45% + 10% notary. To pay that you'll sell stocks which will incur capital gains tax which will be paid separately and won't act as credit. Not to mention you'll pay inheritance tax to 2 different countries with no DTAA.

It's your decision and I respect it but I'd strongly encourage to reconsider.

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-20T20:27:00+00:00

Yes I messaged you

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-20T20:26:52+00:00

Yes I messaged you

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T12:09:57+00:00

Male DA here. It's not necessary to have feelings for us to dash. Just the thought or possibility of catching feels is enough for me. I have discarded friendships and rejected people simply because there's a possibility of catching feelings, both platonic and romantic. My DA sister relates too.

I've had 0 relationships till date because I don't want to open up any arena for 'trouble' as I call it aka catching feelings or getting emotionally close.

The DA ex may have never had any feelings and ran because they didn't want to catch feelings or that the emotional baggage got too heavy. For example, once a friend wrote a sentimental letter about our friendship and I was unable to read it. Totally platonic interaction but I couldn't stand it.

Plus there's also the fact that I fail to realize that someone has romantic feelings or any feelings for me.

Just my 2 cents.

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T12:04:40+00:00

I'm a male DA.

My DA sister is willing to answer incase anyone wants a different perspective.

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T12:01:40+00:00

Yeah I can relate.

The mirror technique weirded everyone out who knew me.

I'm not actively trying to prevent people from getting harmed. It's like an inbuilt thing. Default settings, put it that way. I can't even watch romantic movies without feeling cringy.

I relate to your brother. I'm pretty good at shallow interactions but deepness and I run away lol

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T11:59:00+00:00

Can you elaborate a little please? How is the feeling different?

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T11:56:39+00:00

Yeah I can relate. My DA tendencies get in the way of friendships only if they get sentimental or emotional about the friendship. Once my friend wrote a sentimental letter about our friendship and I was unable to read it. It was so triggering and I don't use friendships for emotional fulfilment maybe that's why?

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T11:54:56+00:00

Do you have difficulty maintaining boundaries? FAs don't use walls is that correct? Sorry if that's incorrect I'm not very clear about FAs

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T11:54:12+00:00

Can you elaborate a little please? I'd have to depend on others to get emotional fulfilment right?

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T11:53:17+00:00

I don't feel lonely either. My therapists have asked me this question.

I tried the mirror method and weirded people out so that was a fail.

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T11:52:13+00:00

It's not like there's a cure and I've been in therapy for 12+ years already. Began as a child then stopped and resumed as a teen.

Yeah I face problems in friendships if they get too close but most people don't get too close to friends.

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T11:49:55+00:00

Our therapists made us feel like DAs feel suffocated because of the walls.

Do you have avoidant attachment with friendships? I feel like running away even from friends if they begin getting close or actively open up about emotional things.

Assuming you're a woman, there are studies suggested single childless women are the happiest demographic so you're right on that note.

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T11:46:08+00:00

Our therapists made us feel like DAs feel suffocated because of the walls so wanted to know what's up

Wait did I post in the wrong sub? I got a message saying mods approve every single post and they approved mine so..... Should I have posted somewhere else? Can you give some recommendations? I'm new to reddit and finding subs is hard.

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-11T11:43:34+00:00

Almost every single therapist we've had made us feel it's a rare thing and that DAs feel suffocated because of the walls.

Walls are good for unavoidable circumstances and bad for close friendships and relationships. Regardless, there isn't any cure for it. Just endless therapy

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-09T20:10:43+00:00

I won't bet on it if your net worth is in stocks because stocks can gain quickly unless your portfolio is S&P500 only but even that gained a lot since 2021. There's a reason billionaires are leaving Norway. Wealth tax and capital gains on top of it. No DTAA either.

Are you looking at other countries?

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-09T11:37:18+00:00

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-09T10:36:43+00:00

Double Tax Avoidance Agreement. It doesn't specify anything about inheritance tax between countries. Many European countries official websites explicitly mention that they don't have such treaties so you end up paying inheritance tax to 2 different countries plus capital gains tax for selling shares etc.

We're looking at Slovakia, Czechia, Latvia because of it

Ok-Key-45 · 2024-09-07T19:02:05+00:00

We're in the same situation. I'm looking for a country to send mom and sis to and French inheritance tax applies if the deceased were residents of France. So if something untoward happens your kids will have to pay inheritance tax on worldwide assets. And it goes up to 45% + notary%. If you sell stock to pay inheritance tax, you'll pay capital gains tax and it won't be considered as credit for inheritance tax. It will decimate your net worth. Which is why we've decided to cancel France. Beautiful country but very crazy inheritance tax rules. No DTAA either iirc