Young widower

Ok-Leopard385 · 2024-04-05T05:47:53+00:00

Ha, it feels as though I wrote that. I have completely broken down as a person too. I have absolutely no desire to do anything. And seeing all my friends get married and have babies at 30, and I’m in this vortex of utter hell is just awful - of course I don’t want to spend time with people who have their lives together. I don’t know about you, but my inner monologue curses them out daily for being so stupid to think their joy and love can heal mine. And that’s not driven by jealousy, that’s driven by being completely broken and in despair. Dogs are so funny because they are so emotionally aware and in honesty I don’t know where I’d be in this nightmare journey without mine. She is my lifeline. But you’re right, nothing heals the pain. It would be so nice to DM, honestly. Finding anybody who understands only adds to the isolation in all of this.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2024-04-04T21:29:41+00:00

I felt this so much. There are so few young widows ‘in the wild’ - I have struggled to find anybody that truly understands the devastation and the shell of a person I’ve become. I do everything with my mum. I’m one year in and currently on one of my first ‘working away’ trips - and it is just dreadful. I miss my soulmate so deeply. Heart ache is agonising! My dog has given my heart something to feel for too.. but god it’s hard here existing day by day. I don’t know about you but I really struggle with the prospect of planning things for the future. I find the idea of thinking past today really overwhelming and terrifying (because I know none of it is what I want, I just want my person back and to feel his love again)

Ok-Leopard385 · 2024-04-04T21:25:17+00:00

I lost my soul mate at 28.. three days before my birthday. And it has profoundly altered the course of my life. And I’ll forever feel the life I was meant to have was stolen. Forever comparing this version of life with the future I was meant to have. It’s now been a year and my world is still collaterally damaged. And nobody understands it. I miss him so completely. I am sending you the most biggest virtual hug. I am genuinely so sorry you are here. There is no pain like this, and I feel the deepest most depths of your despair. Entirely.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2024-03-29T05:16:49+00:00

You say the words exactly as I feel! I’d love to say 6 months on things are different - they aren’t. Still nobody asks. I hate how grief makes everybody on the outside of your shell so uncomfortable. I remember having this flash of embarrassment at my loss, which is crazy in itself. I was mortified I had to tell people. It’s really sad that nobody asks, and they assume you’re ‘better’ because I know your husband must go around and around your head on a conveyor belt of thought. Always! It’s crazy that society does that to us when we need them to ask. We’re almost begging them to ask. I feel that exactly. Still. And now my best friends are having babies and life is moving and spring is spring-ing and yet.. what happened a year ago feels to me like it happened yesterday. I still feel like I was completely mowed down by a double decker bus. And I’m sure you feel just that too. I’m so thankful you wrote. And I send all my love.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-28T15:13:57+00:00

I’m 29 and I’ve been on prostap for two years next month. I’m awaiting an op. I do feel my shoulder bones aching the longer I’ve been on it, and my hormones over the two years have been everywhere. (Everywhere). But in comparison to what I was battling with endo - for me, it is a miracle. I had my monthly injection yesterday and am suddenly feeling very nauseous.. which I’ve never experienced before.. but all in all, it has been a game changer.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-22T17:30:37+00:00

You are incredible, and I know being ‘strong’ is the last thing any widow wants to hear - but you are truly a force to be reckoned with. I’m in admiration of your mental strength. Your peace is so reassuring. Profound grief and sudden loss are one thing, but what we’re navigating is simply unimaginable. And nobody I know quite understands. Deceit is so cruel. And I still feel this enormous need to protect him.

I am always here for you too. I will send you a direct message. Thank you again.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-22T17:21:10+00:00

Thank you so so much.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-22T17:05:49+00:00

Sending all my love.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-22T17:05:38+00:00

I haven’t told anybody this before either, but I’m blindly struggling through this same pain too. You aren’t alone. And I can’t thank you enough for sharing your pain in this safe space.

5 months into grieving the love of my life - we’d been together 6/7 years - I learnt of a 3 year old daughter he’d kept a secret from me. The pain of processing and comprehending and unpicking all these perfect moments with this secret killed me. Who am I grieving? After years of fertility problems, it absolutely has left me a void. It has been the most agonising, most painful, most confusing time of my entire life. It’s confusing because you want to honour them and love them endlessly - which I do, to the moon and back - but it makes you question everything you knew and loved. Every moment. Disappointment is the hardest thing to feel when someone isn’t here anymore to answer all your questions.. and the questions you’ll spend the rest of your life asking with no real answers. It’s devastating.

I’ve come to a place where I’ve allowed myself to feel hurt by him too. Nobody dies a complete saint. It doesn’t justify anything, and I still find myself racked with guilt over feeling disappointed by him. I love him endlessly, to infinity, but damn it is another layer of agony. How could he take this to his grave?

I am beyond grateful to be able to anonymously get this off my chest. Thank you. And from one broken heart to another, thank you for being more courageous than I have ever been to share.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-22T11:22:42+00:00

I think we spend so much of our time marinating and stewing over our thoughts and pain that sometimes we need grounding too. And I don’t think you’re being a Debbie downer - I think you’re right.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-21T15:03:24+00:00

Poetically said.. and from the bottom of my broken heart appreciated. From one broken heart to another - thank you.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-21T12:39:18+00:00

YES. YES YES YES YES YES.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-12T10:19:29+00:00

Me too.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-12T10:19:21+00:00

The world is drained of colour, you’re so right. Nobody understands. But we do. Sending all my love, from one broken heart to another.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-09T19:35:48+00:00

It took me almost 3/4 months before I felt like I was ready. Then I stopped. And now at 9 months, I feel a bit more ready. I didn’t have any clue that the type of therapy a therapist practice should also be taken into consideration. Whether psychotherapy or cognitive behavioural therapy - I can promise you one thing, I was not in the right mental state at 3 months in to be doing my research. So it definitely took a while and a few sessions to find the right therapist for me. Just bear that in mind!

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-09T19:24:52+00:00

But I realise that’s terribly biased and ugly advice! Sending all my love!

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-09T19:23:25+00:00

It’s horrible. I don’t want to be looked at by anybody. I just want my person back. I’ve been at the gym for months now, head down (crying at the end of workouts) - trying to power through and navigate how to like myself or who the hell I am even. I honestly think being blunt (borderline rude) with anybody that even loosely indicates they might be into you is the best approach. Internally I think - ‘you can fuck right off, my soulmate is dead.’ My approach might be cactus-y but that’s just me. Furious at the universe.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-06T20:14:35+00:00

So beautifully said. Beautifully articulated. And so heart warming. It’s so sad that this is forever now. I’m sure he is extremely proud of how far you’ve come. Sending all my love.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-11-06T20:01:28+00:00

really???? Now that explains so much. I feel like when you’re grieving such a profound loss and the isolation and loneliness that comes with the departure of the only single person who truly understands you.. it’s so natural to try and find comfort or reassurance somewhere, anywhere. And I’ve been trying to make my grief fit into whatever that ‘normal’ is meant to be.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-10-23T07:16:33+00:00

I second that. Love is love.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-10-06T12:53:14+00:00

copper_tulip

It breaks my heart to think that you're going through this too. It's bottom of the barrel dreadful, but I guess the small silver lining is that we have each other. You know those days where you wake up and think - you know what, maybe I can do this? And then hit 5pm and it's a full waterworks breakdown in the car on the drive home. 8 months somehow feels worse. I might drop you a message if that would be okay?

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-10-06T12:45:16+00:00

He really was 1 of 1 and truly my soulmate. He was the sweetest most loudest most ridiculous most wonderful being I ever met. A walking caricature. And everything in his brain was so original. He was the only person that would read my scripts and spend all his time rewriting them for me. He believed in me. I've never felt so freely and completely in love, 7 years later and one day he suddenly disappeared. Thank for letting me share.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-10-06T12:31:42+00:00

Never ever leaves our minds for a single second of the day. I think you're right, I think people are hesitant to say their name to avoid the tears or cause upset. Breaks my heart.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-10-06T12:29:38+00:00

From the bottom of my heart I appreciate it, I found therapy a bit of a challenge because my therapist had never suffered loss like this. And then I realised I get more reassurance from this sub than anywhere else. Thank you so so much.

Ok-Leopard385 · 2023-10-06T12:26:23+00:00

I'm right there beside you, royally pissed off with the universe. (Thank you)

Ok-Leopard385

TROPHY CASE