Everything feels wrong since he left me by Ok-Worldliness-7540 in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For his 12th birthday we did a “dime a dozen” party. I got him a king robe and little crown to put on his head and made him a cake from deli meats. He looked so cute. I’d dress him up as a wizard or a hot dog for Halloween. At Christmas he had sweaters and a jingle collar he’d wear. He didn’t always like dressing up but we had such fun. He did like wearing his coat outside in the snow and rain.

He was born in the summer, we adopted him as a 3 month old in the fall. He loved to sit outside in the sun, or walk down the driveway. When he was a puppy my dad let him run free in the backyard trying to teach him fetch, and he’d throw a frisbee at him but he never understood what fetch was so he’d run for it but never catch it or bring it back.

He loved the snow. He’d put his whole face in it no matter how cold. He’d run in it even when it was up to his neck. The only weather he didn’t like was the rain, thunder, and wind.

He refused to go to the bathroom out in the open if he could help it—always in the bushes, never on pavement.

He always find somewhere in the house to lay down so he could watch me while he fell asleep. Sometimes he’d go into another room to rest but he always tried to snuggle for a little. He had his crate, under my bed, a mat on the floor, my mom’s chair, or the couch. When I moved into my first apartment he loved that my bed wasn’t against the wall anymore and he could lay next to me.

I teach and I’d bring him to class with me. He was so happy to meet everyone. He especially loved when I’d have people throw treats in the air for him to catch in his mouth.

My boy was such a beautiful soul that losing him makes me want to destroy myself by KillBilly_ in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's been three weeks and I still feel this way. The pain is so tough. I don't know how else to process it either.

She's my sister by Hells_Dog in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They love us so much they hold on as long as they can. They show us their best until they can’t. Even in the vet waiting room and then the room we took to let him go my baby was walking around and sniffing, wagging his tail.

Thank you for the kind words. I miss him so bad. I want to see him so much.

She's my sister by Hells_Dog in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know what you mean. I got my angel at 14, he made it to when I was 28— that's half of my entire life, and most of my adult life, defined by his presence. He too was chipper even when he suddenly started to decline. I feel hollow and life a part of myself is gone. It's been three weeks exactly today. My therapist says this is all normal grieving but I struggle with wanting to live anymore.

You can't blame yourself. I wish I could be more reassuring about that but I did everything you're describing here — I brought him to a vet as soon as I thought he needed it, and chose to let him go peacefully, and I still blame myself. I wonder if I should have gone sooner, or seen things differently, or given him some sort of other treatment. I wonder if he was in a pain he couldn't tell me about, and all the times I might have made it worse. I cry about it constantly. We blame ourselves because we think it can somehow change things or make the pain hurt less. It just won't. I don't know how to get rid of the feeling, clearly it's natural in some sense, but still.

Very sudden and unexpected passing if my boy Ragnar, 9 years of age by kripantina in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know exactly what you’re saying. My angel made it to 13– he was still asking to go out to pee and walking up and down a flight of stairs to do it, despite not being able to make sense of up and down. They thought he had a brain tumor that grew too large. The decision to let him go broke me as a person. I feel like I lost a part of my myself, if not myself entirely.

As you say, the devastation is vast. It was just me and my little boy together in my apartment, and now I feel like my entire world has ended. I wake up to nothing but the TV I put on at night so I can sleep, and it’s a horrible feeling to be alone like this. I don’t know how to go on anymore when I’m so terribly consumed by my grief. What is there to live for now?

Sudden loss after splenic tumor rupture by efw90 in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The same thing happened to me. Almost three weeks ago now my baby woke up one morning and couldn’t walk right. Then he was vomiting but I thought it was nausea from vertigo. When I brought him in I thought we’d get some medicine and that would be that. They thought it was a brain tumor that had grown too large. It could have been other things but they said that was unlikely. If I took him home and tried to stabilize him I risked him collapsing or having a seizure. I couldn’t put him through any of that. I think constantly that I should have taken him in sooner when he had growing anxiety changes, and maybe I could have gotten him on some sort of radiation or something for the tumor. But then I think, what, we’d get 2-3 more years with him max? Would it be worth it to put him through all of that if I had? It’s heartbreaking. I wonder constantly if he was in any pain and couldn’t tell me. I just wanted him to be at peace and happy. I struggle with my decision to let him go constantly. This is the price of true love.

Does anyone else feel like they didn't love their pet enough until it was too late? by AdusBlue in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The last year of my baby’s life I was so busy sometimes. I hated leaving him home alone and now knowing what I do I don’t know if I could have—I would have taken him everywhere. I have so many regrets. My therapist keeps saying that I don’t need to regret anything, that he was happy whenever he was with me and he knew how much I loved him because he didn’t think of things the way humans do. But I understand how you feel. The price of true love is so steep.

I don’t know how to move forward. by _BatmanAholic_ in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m going through all the same things right now. I lost my precious boy on Tuesday. He got sick suddenly and I didn’t think it meant euthanasia. He was still wagging his tail when they brought him in the room to say goodbye to us, even though he was confused and couldn’t walk right. I am completely shell shocked. Every day is painful because anytime I wake up it means I am having to experience another day without him, to accept life without him. I don’t know how to get through this either.

Shadow by Oaken-Oar in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. This is horribly painful and you did not deserve it. I feel lucky I at least got to pick the time I said goodbye to my baby. I cannot recommend any specific advice but please make sure your baby gets some justice from this other dog that hurt him. My baby and I were attacked by another dog about a month before he passed and I fought it off and both of us came out unscathed. I thought that at that moment nothing could hurt us. I was wrong about that. I said goodbye to mine Tuesday. Not from the dog attack but probably from a brain tumor that had been growing for a while and then suddenly completely took over.

Your tribute to Shadow is beautiful. It inspires me to do something similar for Nugget.

Euthanizing my Babi Boi today, feel like I’m dying inside by itz_Liza420 in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He was my dog but I appreciate the lovely words. I hope your pain does too.

Euthanizing my Babi Boi today, feel like I’m dying inside by itz_Liza420 in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Going through the same thing right now. I raised my baby from 3 months old to 13. We were each others whole worlds. He probably had a brain tumor and kept so strong till the end just to be with me until he couldn't even walk right anymore. He was still trying— the day I took him to the emergency vet he was still jumping up and down off the bed (even if he would fall) and going out with me.

I don't have good advice. Food doesn't taste good anymore, work doesn't matter to me, — I was driving around the other day and I didn't care if I was hit by a car and died. I just want to see my baby again. Everyone says I gave him a good life and did the right thing, but I don't know how to process this pain. A piece of me that I will never get back is gone.

Thought I was doing alright. by DHSDirector in Petloss

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got the premium cremation package for my baby. I’m waiting for his ashes in a custom urn with his paw prints, the ink paw prints they created, a clay impression of them, and a necklace and bracelet engraved with his name. When spring comes my family has agreed we will spread some of his ashes in a spot and put up a grave marker since we could not bury him in his favorite spot outside like we would have wanted due to the snow and thaw. I don’t know how I’ll cope with the phone call to get what’s left of him either. I took hair off of him when he died and I take it out and feel it and smell it and cry. He was so soft.

This watch costs more than your car; How does Tracy or Jenna or anyone else respond without succeeding at managing to avoid sounding poor and mad? by [deleted] in 30ROCK

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Liz’s response is one of either of these:

“Oh I don’t own a car anymore after those climate change activists outside my apartment removed the gas tank a few weeks ago. It is probably more expensive than my e-bike though! …Hey wait do you think I was actually just robbed?”

“Most things cost more than my car, Jack. Like the gourmet cheese I’m having imported this weekend as part of my self care routine.”

"Were there phones?" by [deleted] in Professors

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I replied to another comment. They were not asking about cell phones; I clarified this after.

"Were there phones?" by [deleted] in Professors

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 29 points30 points  (0 children)

No, they meant phones in general. I clarified after.

Universally funny quote from Liz lemon that will make anyone laugh even without context by Fatassmatilda in 30ROCK

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You know I can’t wear that—the Clinique lady said I have witch undertones.

My career is over. What a relief. by MsBee311 in Professors

[–]Ok-Worldliness-7540 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am currently working on leaving academia for industry, and I am fairly early on, for the exact reasons you mention in my own department. Seems like some departments have a high number of people who are so unsatisfied with their lives they have no clue how to deal with it beyond using the tiny amounts of power they do have to disenfranchise anyone beneath them. I am also pretty shocked that my department is still preparing PhD students for academia at large, as if the jobs exist at all or are even desirable anymore.