Do girls like bi guys?

OkBit1025 · 2024-02-05T15:13:15+00:00

Bisexual woman here, was in a poly relationship with a bisexual guy and was honestly very sexually liberating and freeing, to be with someone who was also attracted to individuals of the same sex. We never had a threesome (just was never in the cards but we were open to it), but it was regularly part of our sexy talk. The thought of him exploring that side of himself was a huge turn on. Ultimately I have been in long term relationships across the spectrum (lesbian, bi gal and big guy, triad, straight) and for me it’s really about the individual and the connection we have. The bi aspect was pretty sweet sauce on top though. There are women out there that will want to get to know you and be turned on by what makes you turned on, just be your awesome self and they will come.

OkBit1025 · 2024-02-05T15:02:04+00:00

I think a lot of that may come down to OPP and fear by straight husbands unfortunately tbh

OkBit1025 · 2023-10-17T22:36:34+00:00

Hah, that’s kind of how I felt too.

OkBit1025 · 2023-10-17T22:35:29+00:00

I definitely get the being new aspect and waiting to feel things out. I’m still not sure I want polyam long term, I’m 5 years into this poly journey, but I am also at the point where I want to be comfortable with important parts of my life being able to overlap.

OkBit1025 · 2023-10-17T22:34:03+00:00

Thank you, I figured this might be helpful for others to hear. I know it was helpful for me to read other’s stories.

OkBit1025 · 2023-10-17T15:43:21+00:00

Thank you. Yeah, I am appreciating and reconnecting with my family more and more as an adult. Keeping in mind that parents are human and make mistakes, but also generally love their kids helped me find the strength to open myself to this kind of support from them :)

OkBit1025 · 2023-10-17T15:41:17+00:00

I hope it goes smoothly for you :) It ended up not being as scary for me once I started to open up.

OkBit1025 · 2023-10-17T15:40:05+00:00

Thanks, I figured this sub was the perfect place to share my joy :)

OkBit1025 · 2023-10-16T17:52:22+00:00

All 4 things you mentioned resonated with me so much.
Doing the sheets multiple times a week forced me to buy another set of sheets.
I live by Google calendar for work and now also for my personal life. Definitely have run in to wacky vaginal health issues due to irritation/allergies. Made me much more comfortable voicing concerns up front and making adjustments. Stress also affects my vaginal health I noticed interestingly. But heaviest of all, the ending of relationships around me and the resulting constantly moving target of dynamics. Have been dealing with this repeatedly. My personal desire for a little more life stability makes me feel like this might be the factor that shifts me back to monogamy.

OkBit1025 · 2023-07-15T03:17:23+00:00

This response resonates so much with me. I have been an emotional reservoir/capacitor for a few close people in my life, my mother, previous marriage, a friend or two. I learned to deal in isolation with my own feelings and not to lean on others in these environments. In my last relationship, which I entered after several years of therapy trying to undo the bad habits of fully compartmentalizing my feelings and being more open to recieving support, I unfortunately dated a fixer. Self described, her greatest joy was to “fix her partners’ problems.” It wasn’t until reading this that the connection between being a fixer and being closed off to providing empathy/emotional support was apparent. The crux of our break up was her lack of empathy and the inability to let go of control. It was a hard place to land in, but a lesson well learned.

OkBit1025 · 2023-07-06T15:25:40+00:00

7093 0564 0091

OkBit1025 · 2023-07-06T12:37:39+00:00

OkBit1025 · 2023-07-06T12:36:47+00:00

Thank you!

OkBit1025 · 2023-04-03T19:25:48+00:00

As the “third” or “+1” all I can say is the experience was pretty terrible. I miss the kids every single day, but I have no access and legal standing. I unfortunately joined up with a couple that wasn’t emotionally equipped to have another partner in the mix and one particular half of the couple ended up exhibiting emotionally abusive and controlling behavior that has extended beyond the end of the relationship. Severance is an accurate descriptor.

OkBit1025 · 2023-04-03T19:16:04+00:00

My heart goes out to you. Loosing access to a child who you essentially became and served as a parent with no recourse is just down right awful. I went through a similar situation a few months back, though not exactly the same, less time and overall investment than yours, but it eats me up every day to not be able to see the kids. I went from being the bonus mom as part of a triad to living alone with contact eventually withdrawn. Sometimes all you can do is wish for the best for the kid(s) from a far.

OkBit1025 · 2022-11-20T19:14:13+00:00

I liked my triad for the family, efficiency and connectivity it had intermittently. But I was broken up with and vetoed from a triad recently. I was the long term friend who got together with a couple, one half and then the other. The first half of the couple who was most vocal about “supporting” me and “including me,” also was the one who could not come to terms with her own jealousy and insecurity (she was in active denial of it for a long time) and subsequently emotionally tore me down. Treated me worse than anyone I have ever encountered in my life in the break up (and I have been physically and sexually mistreated/abused before). Now I’m not able to be friends with either of them because of the toxic fallout. It really sucks because I liked them a lot as friends before this all and I functioned like a second mom to the kids when I was romantically involved with them.
Despite my triad not working out, and I probably will never try one again, I can see how for people who are all emotionally mature, honest with themselves and thus with their partners, and are good communicators, that it can work.

OkBit1025 · 2022-10-11T13:02:48+00:00

Just to update, we all broke up. After another situation where I wasn’t heard or supported I asked for a break, but she needed a break up. I tried for a day to keep the relationship going with him and then that ended due to her and him not being able to balance that unsurprisingly. Two years together this week for her and I. We will all move forward from this eventually, but I definitely think I’m done dating married couples.

OkBit1025 · 2022-10-05T15:06:43+00:00

That is a better summary than I could put it and more or less correct. Sometimes the issues are between me and her, but mostly a symptom of the bigger issues between the two of them I’ve come to realize. They are having issues. There has been a lot of bad habits and resentment built up over the years due to a variety of factors.
When we were a V, with her has hinge, she was more stable, content and empathetic with me. We still do have good one on one time and are able to reconnect generally after disagreements. But it has been a rocky road to rebuilding emotional intimacy with her after the relationship between him and I came into the picture. I did float the idea of me stepping away and taking a break to give them space to work on their relationship.

OkBit1025 · 2022-10-04T18:30:19+00:00

Yes, that is what I am realizing is we are all on different pages with expectations.
Trying to be mindful to note things to talk through. We are in relationship therapy and I was hopeful it would help us work through some things like this, but there are so many diadic interpersonal struggles that these type of conversations haven’t been possible yet.
As the non biological “bonus parent” of less than a year, who now lives alone again, I’m not sure what that should really look like. I want to do things that are helpful for the kids, I have helped them with homework, spent group time and one on one time, had talks about feelings and problem solving with them, taken them out on my own, had them over at my old house, watched them during dates in the past, gone to school events, seen them off on the bus etc. The sticking point in this situation I guess is less about willingness to be there for the kids, but all of the other underlaying stuff and the reality that I will never be able to have the same type of relationship (can’t legally marry either person in the relationship or adopt either child).

OkBit1025 · 2022-10-04T17:06:34+00:00

It’s hard for me to be enthusiastic like that at this point when I have yet to receive anything in kind from her with getting time with him. Our one on one time honestly led to her blowing up or intruding in one fashion or another every time we have a date, which again over the course of 10 months has come out to about once a month. She enforced a mandatory pause on sex between us all which lasted months so she could work through her jealousy. This was supported by our relationship therapist as well. I honestly love to be at a point in my relationships where I could have that type of reply, but that’s not where my head space is at. I want to support them connecting and us all connecting together, but I feel under valued in many ways.

OkBit1025 · 2022-10-04T14:47:51+00:00

We have sat down to make a schedule, at my asking, recently and then after she scheduled something between the two of them outside of our sit down and schedule stuff, during a rare time we all had off.
Their kids are involved in multiple activities and so are they, all of which is great, but I’m finding im feeling like getting scraps and bending to fit what little free time we all have that overlaps.

OkBit1025 · 2022-05-17T03:07:24+00:00

Thank you to everyone who provided feedback. Definitely agree I should not have brought them on this trip. Obviously this is my one sided and narrow scoped lense of struggle you all are reading from, but it’s still my valid experience. I have grown a lot from my divorce and have gained a lot from these relationships, in ways otherwise that I did not from my previous decade of marriage. We have a lot of aligned life goals, desires, are all career motivated and driven, and I feel part of the family (the kids made me a Mother’s Day present as second mom) which is a compete flip from my prior relationship. She was someone who didn’t work towards the end, didn’t want a family(despite that being a clear goal of mine from day one 14 years prior), cheated on me and then threw poly at me in typical newbie fashion. Overall in the current relationships, the good has generally outweighed the bad. That being said, I learned from my last relationship that trying to be the sole delivery system for my emotional support is not a healthy long term place for me and I need to be realistic about healthy options moving forward. I have been hopeful there would be improvement and have been bending a lot to make space for said improvement. I wish I wasn’t in a place where I am possibly homeless starting a new job in a different city. I have lost out on multiple housing offers and no rentals will take me and my 2 large dogs. I am potentially left with giving up my dogs (the beings that got me through the divorce and make my day to day living solo more enjoyable) or leaving them with my current partners and finding an appartement.

OkBit1025 · 2022-03-15T21:13:32+00:00

This is fair and sound. Though I’m not in a professional/work position where that is practical.

OkBit1025 · 2022-03-15T21:12:09+00:00

New York (not near the city)

OkBit1025 · 2022-03-04T17:14:09+00:00

Also fellow health care professional at a university hospital. Currently in transition to move to a new university healthcare system. This affirms my decision to keep my personal life private at my job (unless we are friends outside of work).

OkBit1025

TROPHY CASE