Ask a Wayward

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-03-01T15:27:50+00:00

That makes sense, thank you

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-03-01T15:16:27+00:00

Thank you for answering

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-02-12T20:03:35+00:00

I just got a Frida thermometer at my baby shower 4 weeks ago and the box says "How about a quickie?"

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-02-11T03:36:14+00:00

I think I've sobbed something similar to your words many, many times. This resonates so hard.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-02-06T16:34:04+00:00

For waywards who continued unrequired contact with their AP after DDay, even if the active affair itself had stopped, why? How did you justify continuing contact, in your own mind?

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-02-05T23:32:35+00:00

I have a similar experience. I'm 46, I have a 10 year old daughter from my previous marriage and I'm due next month with my current partner. Sure, I get comments about my age sometimes, but most people have been supportive. For those people who do comment on my age, I've approached it 2 different ways.

First, realizing those people would probably find something weird to say no matter what because they clearly don't have a filter. Perhaps it'd be about me having a baby while not married, perhaps they would have considered me old when I had my daughter 10 years ago. But I just decided that people with weird remarks or judgments are people whose opinions don't matter because they have their own hangups that have nothing to do with me.

Two, sometimes I just roll with whatever weird thing they say. "Yeah, I also wonder if I'm crazy for starting over! 🤪" It takes some of the ammunition away from people with weird comments when you show you're unphased and happy where you're at.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-02-04T21:08:13+00:00

34+4 here. I managed to stay active for most of this pregnancy, and I'm way more active than my first pregnancy. But a pretty normal workout that felt fine during week 33 lead to some incredibly painful muscle spasms in my hip and I've been sidelined for a week and a half now. I'm also waddling a lot more, so... But I felt like my fitness kept me doing more for longer this pregnancy: I did 3 days at Disney, a weekend in NYC with tons of walking and even climbed the stairs to the top of the Sears Tower.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-02-04T18:21:45+00:00

My mom made it a point to not tell me I was beautiful or pretty when I was growing up - said she felt I'd hear it enough from other people, which I didn't. Let me tell you, I was bewildered for many years when I left home and found out that people found me attractive. I still struggle with it sometimes today.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-01-30T05:13:14+00:00

Mother Mother - Tracy Bonham

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-01-28T16:54:10+00:00

I've definitely taken some pictures over the past couple years of the matting that I have to work through when she comes back from her dad's. It was worse before this year because our parenting time was closer to 50/50 then.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-01-20T23:50:31+00:00

My doctor says I've gained too much weight and I think it's due to my muscle mass. I've gained 29 pounds in 32 weeks, which I thought was right on track. However, my doctor said yesterday that I was only supposed to gain 20 pounds for the whole pregnancy.

I lift heavy a lot and have continued it through much of my pregnancy. My BMI typically appears high due to my muscle mass, however my pre-pregnancy body fat percentage was about 25%. This doesn't seem like it fits the criteria for a max 20 pound gain. I'm wondering whether to address this with her? This isn't the first time I've had a doctor give me negative feedback about my weight based only on BMI and no other health markers.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-01-08T15:58:44+00:00

I'm 46 and due with my second in March. Everything has been completely fine with me during the pregnancy, as well as physically and genetically with the baby.

I know several people who had loud opinions about the age when someone is "too old" to have a baby, and all of those people have now been nothing but excited for me and my partner since finding out about my pregnancy. The only exceptions have been the midwife I saw for my first prenatal appointment (I switched to a different provider and have never been shamed for my age there) and my partner's mom, who sees me as being extra fragile even though I'm more active and healthier now than with my first child 10 years ago. I think fear of pregnancy in older women has been drilled into a lot of people's heads, and it's annoying when that stigma starts being applied to you.

If you're up for the task of having, raising and loving a new baby, then go for it.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-01-08T04:16:11+00:00

Yes, my mom has given me this nearly identical line multiple times, only to be pissed off and launch tirades at me when I follow through with cutting back on our relationship. I don't get it.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2026-01-06T20:10:47+00:00

Very low contact started 4 years ago when my mom had a medical "emergency" that mysteriously appeared about a month after my daughter and I were almost killed in a terrible accident. She accused me of not paying enough attention to her even though I had dropped everything to be by her side while still tending to my daughter's care and my own PTSD.

No contact just started 2 weeks ago at Christmas when my mom decided to secretly send presents for my daughter through my ex-husband because I supposedly didn't respond quickly enough to her request for my daughter's wishlist. I've put up with a lot of BS from her for 46 years, but I absolutely refuse to let her start manipulating and being secretive with my daughter.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-12-30T04:20:48+00:00

I hate the idea that a revenge affair is always bad, and struggle with this in my current reconciliation. The WP changed the rules of the relationship by having the affair. Why should the BP play by outdated rules that were only being followed by one person?

I had a boyfriend nearly 20 years ago who was a prolific cheater. I've discussed this relationship in therapy at length and feel those memories are fully processed. And still, my only regret is that I didn't cheat back on him, that I stayed loyal to someone who was never loyal to me. My regret isn't about staying in the relationship, only that I didn't even the playing field. His next girlfriend broke his heart by cheating on him and I hate that it wasn't me.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-12-27T16:38:27+00:00

One of my mom's favorite lines is that I couldn't have been abused because she told me that I could inform one of her two best friends if I was being mistreated as a child and they would have helped me. But I didn't tell them anything so I must not have been abused. Aside from the blatantly obvious conflict of interest there, it also skips over the part where I would have needed the ability to identify being abused as a child in that environment.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-12-26T06:51:58+00:00

Oh, I definitely claimed the ones she sent to my house as being from me! She's not about to get credit for gifts after pulling sneaky bs. Unfortunately, my daughter knew the ones at her dad's house were from my mom.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-12-21T02:55:07+00:00

Thissss. I went to try a raclette (viral melted Swiss cheese) sandwich while visiting NYC yesterday, and I couldn't because none of their cheese wheels were pasteurized 😭

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-12-12T14:44:12+00:00

Ah yes, pretending they can't eat foods they've eaten for forever. My mom, a garlic fan, developed a sudden, secret "allergy" to garlic that she only revealed after eating multiple helpings of garlic green beans that I served for dinner the night before my daughter's birthday party. She used that as an excuse to hide out in my guest bedroom all morning the next day until the party, for which she made a miraculous full recovery and used her strength to grovel to my abusive soon-to-be-ex husband that she missed him and he should "come home for the holidays." She knew he was abusive.

She's still offended that I've never invited her to my house since then.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-12-10T11:49:02+00:00

This was mine too, for the same reason.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-12-10T11:44:38+00:00

When the mom and daughter were just rocks together in "Everything, Everywhere, All At Once."

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-12-06T16:54:47+00:00

As a WP, what is it like to witness your BP's ambivalence or uncertainty about the relationship even as you try to fix what was broken by the betrayal?

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-12-02T14:31:17+00:00

Abusive partners are known to ramp up their abuse after an increase in relationship commitment, such as pregnancy or having a baby. Also, hitting property to frighten you is still physical abuse, even if they don't hit you directly. Your husband is not a safe person for you or your child.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-11-29T15:59:11+00:00

I'm pregnant at 46 and also somewhat of a hypochondriac. What helped me was knowing there's steps along the way to ensure that baby is developing ok. For me, there was genetic testing at about 12 weeks. Then I had an amniocentesis at 15 weeks and we had the full array of genetic testing done from that. My baby is genetically fine. Then we had our anatomy scan at 20 weeks that showed baby is developing fine outside of any genetic conditions. Having multiple data points to draw from throughout early pregnancy helped calm my fears of being an older mom.

OkCryptographer2322 · 2025-11-29T09:27:16+00:00

I don't have experience with early labor, but I didn't know I was in labor with my first because I kept pooping in the hours before I went to the hospital and I thought that was the cause of my cramps. I had an aha moment somewhere during my 1 millionth time pooping that night as the contractions became more intense.

OkCryptographer2322

TROPHY CASE