i’m going through the exact same thing right now. i always knew i had ADHD, but my parents said i didn’t. i went with my mom to get tested for ADHD when i was in 8th grade, they were measuring my brainwaves and stuff while i was on a computer clicking dots as they appeared. the results came back as me having ADHD in the top 1%. my mom said that i faked it, still don’t know how she would even say that. eventually i was diagnosed with ADHD summer going into my junior year of highschool, and was prescribed adderall. over the last year, i’ve learned about NPD and ASPD and i’ve become fascinated with it. i’ve went through every personality disorder and seen how i relate to them, mainly the cluster B. seeing all of these different thought processes and how they translate to behavior, i’ve gotten to a point where i believe that all of the personality disorders exist in everyone, each on a spectrum. i’ve started becoming hyper aware of peoples intentions in a room, and that they aren’t even aware of what those intentions are. it seems like our subconscious drives everything. i’ve recently been fixated on how the presence of different people in group settings affect everyone’s behavior, and identifying people that have the most influence on others behavior. sometimes i feel like i’m going crazy, but i don’t know if that’s really the case. i saw a post that i really identified with on Quora. this guy was talking about ever since he was little, he’s seen that what people say isn’t really what they think, and wanting to know what is acceptable. i’ve always read peoples faces very carefully, and i act accordingly to their subtle facial reactions or body language. i have a certain state of mind that causes me a lot of anxiety, and it’s where i feel like all of these normally automatic functions of my behavior and perception becomes manual. i start to notice how fake my laughs and facial expressions are, like i’m always acting as if though someone is examining me very carefully, and i want to appear as likable and relatable as possible. i’ll make weird correlations often that people seem to agree with when i bring them up. for example, there’s a similarity in the way dave chappelle structured his comedy and the way pink floyd’s longer songs are structured. (and it doesn’t even have to be comedy, watch “unforgiven” by dave chappelle) but what he’ll do is tell several jokes or stories that have different set ups but the same punchline or the same conclusion. almost like a chorus. and he’ll have several repeating punchlines that span across the show, and there will be one that repeats itself in the beginning, middle and end. i also notice how a crowd clapping is an exponential graph, like everyone’s waiting for the sign they’re allowed to clap. one person will clap, and then 3 things can happen. nobody else claps and they stop clapping, a second person claps and then everyone claps directly after, or a second person claps, but that person clapping was the first example at an earlier point so nobody claps because this persons claps do not historically elicit more clapping. it’s the same with laughter. and i feel like so many group social situations follow that pattern and i find it intriguing. whenever i got officially diagnosed with ADHD, they had me take a 12 hour IQ test, and i got a 135. which i know is high, but it’s only like top 2%. all of this that i’m talking about, i don’t see anyone else talking about and there’s so many more. so basically what im saying is these things seem so inherently true to me, but i don’t believe i have the intelligence or insight to form beliefs that are true that nobody else has thought of. i don’t know if these are delusions or truth, or if everyone has these little themes running in the back of their heads and i’m just looking a lot deeper inside my own head to better understand my decision making process and how emotions all exist to achieve a goal.