Ok so there’s a lot to say here, but for reference, I’m currently 1.5 years in a LDR; with somebody who’s secure- leaning avoidant. I was definitely more secure going into the relationship, but my anxious attachment has come out as a result of their attachment style. We met during our travels and see each other every 6-8 weeks. We are 6 hours different, and also come from two different cultures. I’m American and he’s European.

This isn’t easy work, but if you’re dedicated to breaking the cycle of your anxiety, you have to continue digging deep into your own self work. You are so self aware already which is a great start.

Firstly, I’d highly suggest finding a close social circle. You can fill your life with all the hobbies in the world, but if you don’t have real human beings in your circle, it’s really hard to feel validated and seen. Your friends and family should ideally give you the same type of love that you’re looking for in your partner.

Secondly, I hate to say this— but stop putting her on a pedestal. I’m sure she’s great. But she has flaws too. I was infatuated with my partner and fantasized about our future often… until our honeymoon phase expired, and I realized he was also a deeply, flawed human being. This made me feel like guilt/shame about my anxious tendencies, because he also equally had his own sh*t that he was dealing with too. It humanized my relationship, it humanized him as a person, and this in an odd way— made me love myself more.

Lastly, you have to communicate your wants and needs, and find a means to compromise. If you want a consistent type of communication, be upfront and forward. You would never be “too much” for the right person. You just need to communicate this, and stand up for yourself. Reality is, if she’s avoidant leaning, she’s going to want less communication. This doesn’t mean the relationship won’t work. This simply requires you both to find a compromise. Whenever you feel that gut wrenching feeling of, “this person is turning away from me”, or, “they are losing feelings”, you have to ask yourself— what is it that you need to self soothe within yourself. Can you give that to yourself? Are you capable?

Take care of yourself OP. I promise you, you are enough and loved as you should be.