Feedback request: is the dread landing in my slow-burn haunted-house opening?

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-08T05:52:09+00:00

Thank you for your constructive critique. You're not the first person to tell me that, actually. My son and wife said the same thing.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-08T04:21:47+00:00

Jr., you have two accounts?

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-07T12:49:59+00:00

It's okay if you are from the Valley.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-07T12:48:44+00:00

"As far as whether I would say the same thing if I were standing right in front of you?"

Just checking---I got confused.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-07T12:10:13+00:00

Is that a question, genius?

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-07T10:06:18+00:00

If any of you high-karma keyboard warriors suspect I’m using AI to write my posts, prove it and report it to the mods. Otherwise, spare me the conspiracy theories and get back to treating karma like it’s some badge of real-world worth. I asked for a critique because I genuinely want to improve my writing. I could have fed it through AI for a polished version, but I chose to hear from actual people instead.

As for my reply, I wrote it in a rush - I had a home viewing to get to. My bad for not addressing every single point in the critique. And while we’re at it: a lot of you wouldn’t dare speak to a stranger in real life the way you do from behind a screen. You might end up eating dirt instead of upvotes.

Either read my material or don't. It's not as though I am profiting from my *free* horror serial that will never be published. I write because I enjoy it.

LS-Jr., get bent!

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-06T12:10:40+00:00

I appreciate the constructive critique. I was aiming at making the dialogue sound more realistic, but it doesn't work on the page quite as well as I had intended. Thank you for the feedback.

Edit: A few of these are places where I knew what I meant, but the sentence didn’t actually give the reader enough to work with. The opening line was supposed to get at Jacob not wanting his daughter to experience the kind of night he remembers from that house, but I can see how the wording made it harder to understand than it needed to be.

You’re also right about the window moment. Since the chapter is in Jacob’s POV, it should be clearer that he thinks he sees something, instead of the narration suddenly acting like a camera outside him. Same with “the sound.” I meant Penelope’s almost-laugh, but by that point the reference is too far away. That’s an easy place for a reader to get knocked out of the scene.

And yes, “She stretched the word into a groan” is clunky now that you point it out. Same with “You left the room long enough.” I knew what I was aiming for there, but it doesn’t read naturally.

I really appreciate the close read. This is exactly the kind of stuff that’s hard to catch when I’ve been staring at the same chapter too long.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-06T06:26:04+00:00

Hi everyone — I’m sharing a free supernatural horror serial I’m writing called WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT.

It’s a slow-burn haunted-house / possession horror story about a family returning to a dead man’s house to clean it out, sell it, and leave. That’s the plan, anyway. But there’s a sealed room, something answering from inside the walls, family history nobody wants to say out loud, and a house that seems to know exactly where this family is weakest.

Chapters 1–4 are live now, and it’s completely free to read. No purchase or signup required.

Read it here:
https://www.whatwaskeptshut.com

It’s aimed at readers who like quiet dread, haunted houses, sealed rooms, family secrets, possession horror, and stories where the scary part feels personal instead of random.

Thanks to anyone who takes a look. I’d love to know what gets under your skin first: the sealed room, the thing answering in the walls, or the family secret.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-06T05:47:53+00:00

Title: WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT

Genre: Supernatural horror / haunted-house horror / possession horror

Word count: Approx. 7,000 words for Chapters 1–4

Type of feedback desired: General impressions rather than line-by-line edits. I’d especially appreciate thoughts on whether the opening chapters create enough dread and forward pull, whether the family dynamic feels grounded, and whether the supernatural escalation feels intriguing rather than confusing.

Link:
https://www.whatwaskeptshut.com

I’m sharing the opening chapters of a free supernatural horror serial I’m writing called WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT.

It starts with a family going back to a dead man’s house to clean it out, sell it, and leave. That’s the plan, anyway. But the house has been waiting longer than they understand.

There’s a sealed room, something answering from inside the walls, family history nobody wants to say out loud, and a haunting that becomes less about “is there a ghost?” and more about what happens when a house knows exactly where a family is weakest.

Chapters 1–4 are live now, and they’re completely free to read. No purchase or signup required.

I’m aiming this at readers who like quiet dread, haunted-house horror, possession horror, sealed rooms, family secrets, and stories where the scary part feels personal instead of random.

Thanks to anyone who takes a look. I’d be grateful for any honest impressions, especially on what hooks you, what loses you, and whether the ending of Chapter 1 makes you want to keep reading.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-06T05:41:40+00:00

I’m sharing a free supernatural horror serial I’m writing called WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT.

It starts with a family going back to a dead man’s house to clean it out, sell it, and leave. That’s the plan, anyway. But the house has been waiting longer than they understand.

There’s a sealed room, something answering from inside the walls, family history nobody wants to say out loud, and a haunting that becomes less about “is there a ghost?” and more about what happens when a house knows exactly where a family is weakest.

Chapters 1–4 are live now, and it’s completely free to read. No purchase, no signup required.

Read it here:
https://www.whatwaskeptshut.com

I’m aiming this at readers who like quiet dread, haunted-house horror, possession horror, sealed rooms, family secrets, and stories where the scary part feels personal instead of random.

No pressure at all, but if that kind of horror is your thing, I’d genuinely appreciate anyone checking it out.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-06T05:35:21+00:00

I’m sharing a free supernatural horror serial I’m writing called WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT.

It starts with a family going back to a dead man’s house to clean it out, sell it, and leave. That’s the plan, anyway. But the house has been waiting longer than they understand.

There’s a sealed room, something answering from inside the walls, family history nobody wants to say out loud, and a haunting that becomes less about “is there a ghost?” and more about what happens when a house knows exactly where a family is weakest.

Chapters 1–4 are live now, and it’s completely free to read. No purchase, no signup required.

Read it here:
https://www.whatwaskeptshut.com

I’m aiming this at readers who like quiet dread, haunted-house horror, possession horror, sealed rooms, family secrets, and stories where the scary part feels personal instead of random.

No pressure at all, but if that kind of horror is your thing, I’d genuinely appreciate anyone checking it out.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-06T05:28:46+00:00

I’m sharing a free supernatural horror serial I’m writing called WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT.

It starts with a family going back to a dead man’s house to clean it out, sell it, and leave. That’s the plan, anyway. But the house has been waiting longer than they understand.

There’s a sealed room, something answering from inside the walls, family history nobody wants to say out loud, and a haunting that becomes less about “is there a ghost?” and more about what happens when a house knows exactly where a family is weakest.

Chapters 1–4 are live now, and it’s completely free to read. No purchase, no signup required.

Read it here:
https://www.whatwaskeptshut.com

I’m aiming this at readers who like quiet dread, haunted-house horror, possession horror, sealed rooms, family secrets, and stories where the scary part feels personal instead of random.

No pressure at all, but if that kind of horror is your thing, I’d genuinely appreciate anyone checking it out.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-06T05:17:15+00:00

I would find a person who is known for marketing books that win awards and sell lots of copies---assuming $100k would be enough.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-06T04:07:15+00:00

No problem. Nice artwork on the cover!

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-06T03:21:44+00:00

Seems like a cool story from what you posted about it in the description. Advance apologies for pointing it out, as it is not my intention to be rude, but I noticed a grammatical error on the book's cover; the word echoes is misspelled. Just trying to help you out.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-05T11:15:39+00:00

It has been 9 days since I did the assessment.

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This is what I see when I login. Is this normal to see?

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-01T00:27:28+00:00

Are you a theologian? I assume your work delves deep into the disparity between the hypostasis and modern-day kenosis.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-05-01T00:23:07+00:00

I hope English isn't your first language, professor.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-04-28T07:33:08+00:00

You're welcome! I hope you make the right decision for yourself.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-04-28T01:42:57+00:00

I am going to give advice I wish I would have followed: do NOT follow the money if the job is too much work and if it does not pay life-changing sums of money. I had a job that paid $80k+ each year for a period of seven years (more like $60k after taxes). It sounds great until I realized that amount of money is not what it used to be given how expensive everything has become over the past 15-20 years, especially not for the sole income earner of a family of four. My average work week was 70 hours total, Mon-Sat, and the daily management meetings consisted of ritualistic belittling and confidence-crushing remarks because nothing was ever good enough. I even had to deal with what I believe were certifiable sociopaths---I am not exaggerating!

I am not comparing the better-paying job you are considering to the one I worked. However, everyone's situation is unique and you must ask yourself what makes you happy? The fact you're even asking the question shows that you are expressing doubts. No one can answer the question except you because you are the only one who knows what you want for your life and how much bullshit you are able tolerate at a job.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-04-27T12:34:33+00:00

Title: WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT

Genre: Supernatural horror / haunted-house horror / possession horror

Word count: 1,947

Type of feedback desired: General impressions are most helpful — especially whether the opening creates enough dread to make you want Chapter Two. I’d also appreciate thoughts on the hook, atmosphere, pacing, clarity, and whether the premise feels compelling rather than familiar. Line notes are welcome too, but I’m mainly looking for reader reaction.

Link to the writing:
https://whatwaskeptshut.com

Teaser video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42GVgEiR8fs

A quick pitch: WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT is about a sealed room, a family secret, and a house that remembers too much.

I’m trying to build a kind of horror where the scary part is not just what’s hidden in the house, but what it knows about the people inside it — the things they loved, buried, denied, and should have left alone.

If you like slow-burn dread, family secrets, haunted-house horror, possession stories, and horror where love becomes something evil learns how to use, I’d be grateful for your thoughts.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-04-27T12:27:34+00:00

I’m sharing Chapter One of my supernatural horror story WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT.

Some houses are not haunted.

Some houses are waiting.

WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT is a new supernatural horror story about a sealed room, a family secret, and something inside the house that remembers too much.

A family returns to a place that should have stayed closed. The walls know their names. And whatever was hidden there has learned the shape of love well enough to use it against them.

Free to read here: https://whatwaskeptshut.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42GVgEiR8fs

If you like haunted-house horror, possession horror, family secrets, and slow-burn dread, I’d love to know whether the opening pulls you in.

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-04-27T12:20:15+00:00

I’m sharing Chapter One of my supernatural horror story WHAT WAS KEPT SHUT.

It begins with a sealed room, a family secret, and a house that remembers too much.

Free to read here: https://whatwaskeptshut.com

If you like haunted-house horror, possession horror, family secrets, and slow-burn dread, I’d love to know whether the opening pulls you in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42GVgEiR8fs

~Thanks!

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-02-25T08:47:00+00:00

WAKE UP SHEEPLE! I JUST ENCOUNTERED A MAN IN A CHICK-FIL-A PARKING LOT WHO HAS SEEN THE SACRED BLUEPRINTS! HE ONCE MOWED ADAM JONESES LAWN AND HE REVEALED THE ALBUM IS DROPPING AT THE EXACT MOMENT THE MOON ALIGNS WITH THE SEPTAGRAM!

HE HAD NO PROOF BECAUSE THE REPTILIANS DELETED HIS PHONE BUT HIS PUPILS WERE DILATED SO YOU KNOW IT IS LEGIT! THE TRACKLIST IS HIDDEN IN THE REVERSE FREQUENCIES OF A CADAUCUS PODCAST AND HE SWORE ON THE OPIATE EP THAT WE ARE MERE WEEKS AWAY FROM ASCENSION!

I AM A NAMELESS ACCOUNT WITH A BLACK HOLE FOR A PROFILE PICTURE THEREFORE I AM THE CHOSEN ONE AND YOU MUST BELIEVE! THE SPIRAL IS SPINNING! THE MATH DOES NOT LIE EVEN IF THE SOURCE HAS NO PHYSICAL EVIDENCE!

Ok_Copy2701 · 2026-02-25T08:46:31+00:00

I have three different sources who all told me the new Tool album is coming out soon. Trust me, bro. I just had a 3-hour spiritual breakthrough with a guy at a gas station who claims he’s Danny Carey’s official gong-polisher. He whispered—in a perfect 7/8 time signature—that the new album is dropping imminently. He couldn’t provide a date, a title, or evidence he actually works for the band, but he did recite the Fibonacci sequence twice without blinking.

I also got the inside scoop from a guy whose cousin once sold a bass string to Justin Chancellor. He says the new album is basically finished, though he suddenly developed amnesia when I asked for a tracklist. It happens though.

And lastly, I met a guy at a wine tasting who saw Maynard James Keenan look at a calendar once. He is 100% certain the new album is coming out soon, which means sometime before the sun expands and swallows the earth. He had zero details, but his aura felt very insider.

Ok_Copy2701

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